My search for God is making me ill

[servitude2service]

I have been searching for a few years. I've examined Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism.
Each has good things and confusing things.
Now I feel that I cannot believe one religion over another. It is making me ill, *very* ill.
I pray and ask for guidance, but I don't think my prayer has ever been answered.
Why is God doing this to me? Why is he failing to intervene in my descent into madness? I thought God was supposed to love me? I don't see that. I just see my mind being destroyed by confusion.
The inevitable conclusion I am coming to is that God does not love me. That I am destined for Hell. If so, then I might as well just get on with it and end my life as it doesn't really matter whether I keep searching or not.
Calvinists beleive that some are predestined for Heaven. I suppose the flipside is that some, like me, are predestined for hell no matter how hard we try.
How can I beleive in a God that has turned his back no me? Why God, why? Why have you forsaken me? Why did you fail to help me? I knocked, but the door was not open. I asked, but did not receive. WHY?
Perhaps God is really evil. He seems to be indifferent to my suffering. Perhaps he is enjoying my pain. He could end it so quickly. Lord I have begged you for help, but to no avail.

PLEASE HELP ME LORD

Hello Matthew,​

I will pray and STAND with you that the Lord Jesus Christ will reveal himself to you.​

Blessings of Peace, Light and Salt be over you friend​

Today i pray the God of Light to shine in you​

a friend,
servitude2service​

THERE IS HOPE & It's found only in Jesus Christ!




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[stutiw]

My Friend, do you know that God came to you and you rejected him, you were so busy with other things in your life, that you did not hear his voice, this normally happens and we blame God.

When we have troubles we want to find God and when he talks to us we are too busy, thats the reason we feel he is not there.

But he is there and I think you should really ask the Holy Spirit to help you to listen the voice of God. You missed his voice many times and even now as you are reading this, he is wanting to talik to you...