F
FeelingHisLove
Guest
Last summer, I got pregnant. I was only 17 and scared to death of having a baby. My boyfriend freaked out as well and was terrified, not to mention became seriously suicidal. I was depressed, suicidal, and cutting myself. I didn't want this child and was terrified of my parents finding out.
I found out from a friend that taking 6 organic Vitamin C for 4 days would preform an abortion. However, she warned me that she had done the same thing and regretted it more than anything in this world. It had changed who she was forever, and she told me it would change who I was too.
I didn't listen and started taking the pills anyway, praying harder each day for God to take the child away from me. I was distraught, and tried preforming a self-abortion by punching myself in the stomach. I could NOT have a baby, I told myself. :'(
It was late one night when I was laying in bed, praying once more for God to just take the child away, when I heard it...God told me my baby's name. It was a girl....And her name was Emily. I heard a little voice say "Mommy? Why don't you want me to stay with you? Don't you love me?"
I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take it. I blocked out that little voice and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I was again, praying on my knees and begging God to take Emily away from me. This time...I heard a response. "Peace, Child. I will do as you have asked."
About a week later of struggling through each day, constantly hearing that little voice pleading with me to spare it's life, it happened. I woke up late in the night and heard God said "It is finished." I ran into the bathroom and sure enough, I had started my period. Within a week all my pregnancy symptoms were gone, but to be safe I took a test. It came back negative.
The next month I was incredibly happy, simply because I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been almost six months. Emily's due date would be nearly 3 months from now, and I'm grieving the murder of my child more than I ever thought I would then. My friend was right. I'm not happy anymore. I'm depressed and have now been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. If I could take it back, I wouldn't have killed my daughter.
Now I'll never get to hold her in my arms, I'll never get to sing her a lullaby, I'll never see her go to school for the first time, I'll never get to hold her while she cries, I'll never get to fix her "Boo-Boos", I'll never see her graduate, I'll never see her go o college and live her dreams, I'll never see her walk down the aisle.
I killed my own daughter. And that, is something that I can't forgive myself for. I robbed her of the life she could have had. :'( I've tried to forget it, to erase it from my mind...but it never goes away. I can't...I can't forgive myself for what I've done. Please, someone help me...
~A grieving heart~
I found out from a friend that taking 6 organic Vitamin C for 4 days would preform an abortion. However, she warned me that she had done the same thing and regretted it more than anything in this world. It had changed who she was forever, and she told me it would change who I was too.
I didn't listen and started taking the pills anyway, praying harder each day for God to take the child away from me. I was distraught, and tried preforming a self-abortion by punching myself in the stomach. I could NOT have a baby, I told myself. :'(
It was late one night when I was laying in bed, praying once more for God to just take the child away, when I heard it...God told me my baby's name. It was a girl....And her name was Emily. I heard a little voice say "Mommy? Why don't you want me to stay with you? Don't you love me?"
I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take it. I blocked out that little voice and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I was again, praying on my knees and begging God to take Emily away from me. This time...I heard a response. "Peace, Child. I will do as you have asked."
About a week later of struggling through each day, constantly hearing that little voice pleading with me to spare it's life, it happened. I woke up late in the night and heard God said "It is finished." I ran into the bathroom and sure enough, I had started my period. Within a week all my pregnancy symptoms were gone, but to be safe I took a test. It came back negative.
The next month I was incredibly happy, simply because I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been almost six months. Emily's due date would be nearly 3 months from now, and I'm grieving the murder of my child more than I ever thought I would then. My friend was right. I'm not happy anymore. I'm depressed and have now been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. If I could take it back, I wouldn't have killed my daughter.
Now I'll never get to hold her in my arms, I'll never get to sing her a lullaby, I'll never see her go to school for the first time, I'll never get to hold her while she cries, I'll never get to fix her "Boo-Boos", I'll never see her graduate, I'll never see her go o college and live her dreams, I'll never see her walk down the aisle.
I killed my own daughter. And that, is something that I can't forgive myself for. I robbed her of the life she could have had. :'( I've tried to forget it, to erase it from my mind...but it never goes away. I can't...I can't forgive myself for what I've done. Please, someone help me...
~A grieving heart~
