MY peoms

[demoastanes]

hi i was in school and as i useally do i started righting and todays little writing came out this so i thought i might like some opinions on it lol

stuck and blead dry...
crual is the wolrd which looks for blood...
crual is the is the being with only one heart....
crual is the man whos entertainments are coverd in red...
crual is the life among none....


i came from a land of far
seacking what is even farther
but found it right where i started
and he had been looking for me...

a world of darkness and shadow
a world of selfish blame
a world of death and greaf
a world of pain and sorrow
yet...
a world of hope and love
a world of happyness
a world of kindness and help
a world of vertues.
two worlds torn in two yet remain one how screwed is that....

 

[godsgirl4ever]

why don't you do chirstian poems. Your poems are ok but you some to have the mind of a person who writes poems. So write the peoms to glory God.
Just a though thats all.

Godsgirl4ever

 

[fisherman2]

pick a subject, watch your spelling, make your poems shorter.

 

[rhubarbkid]

very nice. keep it up

 

[schooner]

good start, but watch the meter...

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

I like to do funny things. . . .

Sled

Once I tried to sled
But I fell off and bumped my head
I was knocked out cold
So my mother was told
Never to let me sled.

You've got a good start there.

Kaylee