My partner cheated on me

[Sketcher]

Hello, so I have been seeing this guy for about 7 months, previously we used to be really big players and he was a really big player before we started seeing each other, but i asked for 3 conformations from God to show me if this guy was the man he wanted me to marry and yes I did see the 3 conformations i asked for!! Recently I just saw on his instagram that he had messaged this girl flirting with her, he was very honest when i asked him and i admitted what he had did and was extremely guilty and says now that he will change and that this will never happen again. I believe him and i know that this man is the man God wants to me to marry but right now even though i love him so much its hard for me to trust him, but i trust that God will help him become a changed man. Do you think a relationship can rebuild trust once it has being broken?? Any advice would be great thank you

I'm curious as to what those 3 signs were, and why they would have more weight than this very bad sign.

 

[well hey]

I would really caution anyone against overspiritualizing things by saying that God wants them to marry someone. I can tell you almost for certain that in most cases a person is inserting their own emotional bias into the situation so that God seems to give them the answer that they are looking for. All this does is muck things up by making it seem like you are being disobedient if you leave him. It adds an unnecessary layer of complication. I have been in a relationship where I was cheated on, and I chose to stay, and the cheating continued. I would implore you to have enough self-respect to walk away if that is what you and those that love you especially think would be the best thing for you. If you do decide to stay, let it be of your own choice and not as though you are obeying a command of God that may or may not actually be authentic. God would not want you to stay in a relationship that hurts you. Along with that, do not preemptively engage yourself to this guy while you are dating, especially after what he has done. I would loosen your grip on this relationship a lot. You said yourself that he was a player before you started dating. Chances are that now that he has crossed the line of stepping out on you, he will do it again.

Absolutely. Marriage is an OPTION not an overspiritualized set in stone will of God

 

[ICONO'CLAST]

In the l.p.. you said the two of you were really big players?
Do you mean really big fornicators?
There is to be no sexual activity outside of the marriage bedHeb13:4
Both of you need to repent and trust God for salvation.
Being what the world calls a player is an ungodly fornicator.1cor6:9-_1 1

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Did he flirt with a girl or did he cheat on you? And when you say “flirt,” what do you mean?

 

[Dorothy Mae]

I agree with the others and if a man in a relationship feels free to flirt with others, it is obvious that committment to one person which requires NOT FLIRTING with others, is not a part of what he requires of himself. I know that going back to no one special in your life is hard, but the heartbreak of that special one not really thinking you are special and restricting his freedom according is worse.

My advise is stop believing in the "signs" and see the obvious "sign" of a man of such character that he cannot really be committed to you. He does not want to lose you yet and will say anything to convince you otherwise. Trust is lost and it is not too late to end it. The pain of an uncommitted partner is worse than the pain of ending it before it comes to that point.

 

[CaspianSails]

Best advice. Don't walk, but run to the door and get out of the relationship. God has better for you. I don't know about your confirmations, sometimes we see things we want because the person, we think, is exactly who we are looking for. He has no love for you that will last if he cannot help flirting with others. Don't look for a player, a hunk, or anything like that. Look for a man who is busy serving God every day of his life, busy helping others. Someone who treats you as God commands, with dignity, respect, love, in other words look for someone who can do this even before you are married - Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. That kind of love is worth having.

 

[johnbastion]

Marry in haste and regret in leisure.

 

[Endeavourer]

Dating is an interview for marriage, and he failed the interview.

I would run, not walk, from this relationship.

Sometimes we can fool ourselves into seeing a sign for something we want very much. However, the biggest "sign" we can have regarding God's will is studying the Bible for the type of man who will please Him and love others as himself. This man you are dating is not that man.

Did you know that some people who have suffered both the loss of a child and a marital affair say that the marital affair was the worst pain of their whole lives? Don't invite that pain into your future. Raise your bar, sister, and look for a man approvable to God.

Short term pain now (of losing your boyfriend) will yield long term gain.

Don't underestimate how many loooooooooonnnnggggg years stretch out before you if you marry the wrong person.

 

[Endeavourer]

Recently I just saw on his instagram that he had messaged this girl flirting with her,

In a marriage, the way to repair a cheating situation is to eliminate the circumstances that gave rise to the cheating so the betrayed spouse can be assured that the excruciating pain they suffered from the affair will never happen again through the same avenue. That the avenue the affair took will be safe for them forever more in the future.

Would he be willing to eliminate social media for the rest of his life? ALL social media?

Without doing so, your relationship will just be in a holding pattern waiting for him to message the next girl on social media. You need to close down the door that opened the opportunity for his betrayal or else it will be a matter of time before it happens again.

Realize how much babysitting that will require on your part to make sure he isn't engaging in social media. Sister, this is a life that you don't have to sign up for. I'd run from this relationship as fast as I could.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I go by the old saying: Once is a choice, two times it a choice.

In other words forgive him, but if it happens again then obviously he is choosing to cheat. At that point tell him it's over. And do this BEFORE you get married.