My parents

[netal]

My parents have been married for almost 25 years. They recently separated. I feel very in the middle of all of this. The background is that my father has always been emotionally abusive- and recently my mom said she had had enough. It has been suggested that he is having an affair (even by our pastor who is trying to make sense of it all) I am living with my mom, and rarely see my dad. I am not sure why this is happening- but I do know that my mom's self-esteem has virtually disappeared. She is crying most of the time. I feel like I should do something, or say something- but I feel so helpless.
I have prayed- but I guess I am so confused about the situation
What should I do? Do I listen to my mom complain about my dad? Do I tell her that I think the divorce is a good idea, and she needs to move on? I feel like I shouldn't be part of this situation- but I am right in the middle of all the stress and pain.
I am so clueless

 

[Jinnapiban]

I never went through that as a child, but I am divorced... my girls are much younger than you.

Is there any type of divorce recovery program offered at your church? That was something that really helped me personally. There is a program called DivorceCare that is excellent. Your mom's self esteem is gone because she has been Mrs. so&so & netal's mom for so long that she has lost her identity in being everything to everyone. Try to encourage her to do activities for herself... she might not "feel" like it right now, but each day will get better. Try to make her laugh & most especially, try to get her to pray the armor of God over her life every day.... it may sound crazy, but it really does work.

As for being stuck in the middle, I can see how difficult that is for you... try to learn lessons that God is offering in the midst of this terrible circumstance. Remember how your mom got absorbed into her marriage & lost herself so that you won't repeat this in your future.

pm me anytime & I will add you & your family to my prayer list.

 

[netal]

I never went through that as a child, but I am divorced... my girls are much younger than you.

Is there any type of divorce recovery program offered at your church? That was something that really helped me personally. There is a program called DivorceCare that is excellent. Your mom's self esteem is gone because she has been Mrs. so&so & netal's mom for so long that she has lost her identity in being everything to everyone. Try to encourage her to do activities for herself... she might not "feel" like it right now, but each day will get better. Try to make her laugh & most especially, try to get her to pray the armor of God over her life every day.... it may sound crazy, but it really does work.

As for being stuck in the middle, I can see how difficult that is for you... try to learn lessons that God is offering in the midst of this terrible circumstance. Remember how your mom got absorbed into her marriage & lost herself so that you won't repeat this in your future.

pm me anytime & I will add you & your family to my prayer list.

The church we now go to (we moved to a new country recently) doesn't agree with divorce. I think that is making it harder for my mom- she feels guilty for wanting to get out of an abusive relationship.

That was a good point- her identity is gone. She never worked- she stayed home and was a wonderful mother to my sister and I. I can see how she would be feeling lost in that area.

My parent's marriage has taught me a lot- about what I don't want for my future. It's tough though

Thank you- we need the prayer!

 

[Jinnapiban]

The church we now go to (we moved to a new country recently) doesn't agree with divorce. I think that is making it harder for my mom- she feels guilty for wanting to get out of an abusive relationship.

That was a good point- her identity is gone. She never worked- she stayed home and was a wonderful mother to my sister and I. I can see how she would be feeling lost in that area.

My parent's marriage has taught me a lot- about what I don't want for my future. It's tough though

Thank you- we need the prayer!

Tell your mom for me.... God loves His children more than He loves their marriage.... I had to find that out the hard way (3 separations & ultimate divorce) Maybe ya'll should consider a different church, if possible. There are still other resources if she is unable to find them through your current church. I will try & find the names of some of the books I read that were helpful to me.

Thank you for sharing netal.... you're mom is lucky to have you & your sister for support.
jp back to you!

 

[E-beth]

I have been divorced and my parents also split up.

All you can do for your mom is love her and let her greive. To her, the end of her marriage is like a death. And since your dad was abusive and possibly cheated, it is more like a murder. She has to grieve and little by little she will start to feel more like living.

Definitely find a new church. What she does NOT need right now is someone lecturing and not loving her.

I know you feel caught in the middle. That is an unfortunate situation. Just listen to your mom and know she is talking out of pain. Do the same for your dad if it comes to that. Listening and loving is so much better than trying to give advice.

I am praying for all of you. It is very sad and I ache for you and your mom.