My parents want me to get un-engaged.

[Suzyaussie]

Go to the Lord in prayer about this, yes your fiancé was dishonest to your father he needs to apologise to your dad for not telling the truth and he needs to be honest about why he lied. Have you considered holding off marrying him for 1-2 yrs while he pays down the debt and give you time to really know each other. By the way an expensive wedding does not make a marriage and neither does having loads of cash! I would rather my daughters marry a poor man with a heart for Jesus, than a man with a heart for everything of the world.

 

[JohnJ]

I would personally put marriage on hold while your fiancé straightens out his finances. I don't think you necessarily have to break the engagement, because prolonging it does the same thing but with less "Oh my goodness, what happened?!" I fully understand your father's concern about his financial wellbeing, because the last thing you want to do is to get started out on the wrong foot. People will tell you that money shouldn't matter in a marriage, but it does; if you enter into a marriage riddled with debt and somehow lose your foothold, you could spiral further into debt. What does that cause? Heartache, anger, etc. and those are not things that you want in a marriage; especially a new marriage.

 

[Honesty-SJ]

I have had the opportunity to hear many of the responses from this post through my husband, who visits this forum site daily so I don't need to really dive into all the details of the matter. I would just like to share something with you.

I was 18 years old and on a path of destruction when I met my husband. I grew up in a home that went from wholesome to broken pretty quickly, (my parents split when I was 9 and didn't end up divorcing until just over a year ago when I was 20). From there, of course my world had been turned upside down so when I set out into the world myself, it was a pretty rocky experience. However, God had a special surprise in store for me. Even though I felt like a spoiled child and didn't have a relationship with Him at the time, He had, in his perfect providence, brought my husband and I together.
At the ripe age of 19, I was a bride.
And I will tell you.. it wasn't encouraged. My mother had always talked about the kind of man she wanted for me; Strong, put together, intelligent, handsome, someone who could challenge me, dominant, etc. As soon as she met that very thing, (my husband), it's almost as if she had shut down. She immediately rejected him. I will not speak ill of her but it's almost as if she talked about these things but didn't think I would find it.
What I'm trying to say is, even though I had not received the blessing of my parent, as you seem to being struggling with, it's still worth it to be with the love of your life. God wants that for us. No where does He tell us that we should remain with our parents; He does, however refer to marriage many times. These are just 2 that come to mind when thinking of your situation. I'm sure they have been told many times but how many things in the bible haven't?

(Genesis 2:24) That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
(Mark 10:7) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife

I emphasize this point because I believe that you should go through with this marriage. It would be your greatest mistake to deny your future husband his rights to you. I know if I had listened to my family, I wouldn't be here, almost 3 years later and happier than I've ever been, with a man who serves Jesus and loves me with all his heart.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

There's an old saying, if you can't trust them to tell the truth you can't trust them.

He lied to your father about finances because he was scared what your father would say given the conditions your father put on the engagement to you.
Your boyfriend is selfish.

If you want to find out what kind of man he is put the engagement on hold.
Did he buy you a ring?
If so how did he accomplish that with the prior debt he's told you about?

Do yourself one of the biggest favors you can do now while you're still single. Do a background check on this guy. Full out background check.

He's not who you think he is.

That's what I think you're going to find out.
He wants what he wants and he'll say what he needs to to get it.

Trust me when I tell you, that will get worse once you're his. i.e. married.

Don't listen to this garbage OP. Good Lord. What a judgemental atrocity. All that because he lied about money because he was under stress and pressure and talking face to face with someone that probably intimidates him. Geeze.

 

[MoonofIsaiah]

Don't listen to this garbage OP. Good Lord. What a judgemental atrocity. All that because he lied about money because he was under stress and pressure and talking face to face with someone that probably intimidates him. Geeze.

What a self-fulfilling prophecy. Judgmental atrocity is exactly what you're spewing here. Good move. And you're single!

Dear OP,
Marriage is stressful. Make no mistake about that. You're going from a single identity to that of living with someone else you don't really know until you're in that situation of sharing everything all the time.
If someone will lie to you because , as this person who's telling you who they are and what they would do in that same situation, they're under stress and are just saying what they feel you need to hear, take note. They're not able to be honest when they feel stress. That's selfish. And it shows a lack of personal integrity, honor, and character.

Also, your parents have lived a long time. You're going with your gut but they're also going with theirs. You owe them the benefit of the doubt. Not that of a man who's already showed you he'll say anything he needs to in order to get what he wants.

If you call of the engagement, tell him you want to postpone it, see how he receives that bit of news.
That will tell you how mature he is and whether or not both your parents and I am right. He's selfish, self serving, and immature.

If you marry someone like that you'll always feel insecure and hurt. Because they're telling you from the start their mind is fixed on this life being all about "I". That will never ever work in a relationship that must be about, "us".

 

[MoonofIsaiah]

This is absolutely ridiculous. Are you so righteous that you are incapable of making poor decisions? Because that's what I gather from your response. We are human and God *knows* that we will make mistakes. Please explain why you believe her boyfriend is selfish; he made a mistake that all of us are more than capable of making.

Yeah, I read you the first time.
Here's a thought for both accounts. It's an opinion not subject to your approval. This thread isn't about me! Don't make it personal. If you're wiser than I am prove it by addressing the OP with more sage advice so that the author can decide who they wish to listen to. If any of us.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

What a self-fulfilling prophecy. Judgmental atrocity is exactly what you're spewing here. Good move. And you're single!

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and we're on our fourth child. What are you even talking about?

Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and passed this "Christian advice" up.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Marriage is stressful. Make no mistake about that. You're going from a single identity to that of living with someone else you don't really know until you're in that situation of sharing everything all the time.
If someone will lie to you because , as this person who's telling you who they are and what they would do in that same situation, they're under stress and are just saying what they feel you need to hear, take note. They're not able to be honest when they feel stress. That's selfish. And it shows a lack of personal integrity, honor, and character.

Well glad to know you know the guy personally to judge him like that. I could do the same to you since you are also acting selfish, without honor...etc towards Mihkael. That aside are you saying basically of one lies hes all those things you said about him? So because of one sins hes all that. Have you ever sinned? Because really ALL of us sin, none are perfect. Also you have never lied? Not even one small white lie? Like made up a reason your late to an event? Told your spouse something other then the truth when maybe you forgot something she asked you to do?...etc.

Also, your parents have lived a long time. You're going with your gut but they're also going with theirs. You owe them the benefit of the doubt. Not that of a man who's already showed you he'll say anything he needs to in order to get what he wants.

Just because someone is older doesn't make them more wise. Though this depends on what you believe as a person.

 

[Dave-W]

I cannot vote either way.

IMO what needs to happen is that you, your parents and your fiancee need to sit down with your pastor and work all of this out. It may take several sessions. But every side needs to be aired and evaluated by all.

Having a neutral 3rd party with spiritual authority will keep things moving in a positive direction. Find a solution that everyone can agree with and go on from there.

 

[vinsight4u]

/

 

[Razare]

If your fiance goes to your parents and asks for forgiveness and admit he lied, they cannot forgive him?

Forgiveness is not trust, though, even if they do forgive him.

I personally think your parents are too demanding for your partner, but it is up to you to decide. How many men will you find who have a passion for Christ, admit their mistakes, and be willing to change and repent to God? And they are spirit-filled?

It's better if we don't cave under pressure and always remain honest, yes. I think it's really up to you.

But I think if you were going to marry him, him apologizing is part of that.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

A young man who is struggling to pay his debts, unstable job, wants to get married to you so badly that he would lie to your dad when they talked about his finances? now he claims he's willing to do anything to win their trust again after he lied? Get unengaged, not a big deal since no wedding plans have been made.
Your dad sounds like a smart guy, who has your best interests at heart...it's a small matter to get unengaged and allow your fiancé time to get himself straightened out financially, emotionally and spiritually etc. One of the top reasons for divorce is: debt/bad finances.