My Music...

[Caedmon]

Perhaps I should give some background first. I played my horn for almost 10 years. I started out just doing it to do it(and to avoid gym). I was terrible at first, but over the years, I became one of the best there was. I beat all the local competition, placed well on a large scale. I grew to love playing. The problem is, I began going through a lot of pain in my life. The horn wasn't getting me what I wanted: social acceptance, companionship, love. Then one day I began to lose hope and falter... the pain killed me, slowly at first, and then stopped me dead all at once... then I just walked away. It was "easy" -- as strange as that sounds -- to walk away from my horn, and 9 years of training, 9 years of something I loved. I just dropped it. But the day I let it go, a piece of me died.

I have never considered myself a musician, never... in spite of my great "talent". I do not feel like it. I do not feel like I deserve that, I never have. My heart will not let me call myself a musician. And now that I have walked away, I don't believe that I ever will. I do not even feel right in calling this thread, "My music", because it is not mine. I was just a trained monkey, a robot doing a neat trick. I felt no worth. It gave me nothing... no real friends, no love, no true acceptance from others... just a nameless popularity that fizzled with the next fad. It did not matter when I walked away... I say this, and yet I cannot talk about it without feeling like crying. I hate to ask your help for this, because I do not feel worthy of it. I simply wish the pain to cease. I guess I wish sometimes that I could go back to it, but I do not own it. I do not feel like it is mine. Please help me. Please pray for me. Thank you.

 

[Blessed-one]

um, so you do love music afterall.... otherwise you wouldn't be writing this after so many years.

why not take it up again and see what it feels like now? life is abundant, you can do more than just one thing. You're in my prayers.

 

[SalvoPete]

Music is a wonderful gift to have.

God Bless you HumbleJoe

 

[fieldmouse3]

I'll pray for you!

 

[amie]

Hi Humblejoe
I am praying for you my friend

 

[Caedmon]

I don't know what to do... I don't know if I should pick up my horn again. If I did, it would cost a lot to buy another one. And I don't know if the pain would return if I tried to start over. Maybe this time, I could dedicate it to God, my ability. (I probably wouldn't do the praise band thing. I find the music "cheesy" at times, just IMHO.) Now that I think about it, there were a lot of times when I was only using it gain popularity. But I wanted friends, and not just friends, but companions that liked me for who I was. I was heartbroken when I couldn't "buy" this with my talent. Oh well... *sigh*... I just need your prayers. If I were to do something like this, I'd really need your emotional support through prayers. Not to mention there's a practical obstacle for me to overcome(not asking for money, lol). Horns are very expensive!!! It would be hard for me to get another one. But it really meant so much to me. It was my meditation and my comfort. And now it's gone. Anyway, thank you for praying for me... please continue.

 

[forjesus]

Praying for you Joe, The ability to play music is a wonderful gift. If you pursue it again just use it to Glorify God, and believe me brother good things will happen in you life. Remember, In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths. God Bless

 

[HisLamb]

I will pray for you humblejoe.  You may find the means to get another horn one day.  But saying you might dedicate it to God, is the way to go.  Whatever talents we have are gifts from Him.  He gives them to us out of His great love for us.  It's not meant to find friends and popularity through these talents.  If that is why a person liked you...for your ability to play the horn well...then he/she wouldn't be liking the real you.  Just be yourself, without using your talent, and pray to God to send you good, true friends.  You are a child of God and deserve to be liked for the right reasons! 

 

 

[wvmtnkid]

I agree with forjesus and HisLamb. If you have the talent to play and play well, you should use your talent to glorify God. Maybe this is a talent He has given you. You will be surprised they ways in which He can use it if you just give it over to Him. My sister plays trumpet and is very talented at it. There are other types of music you can play in church besides the P&W style. She accompanies the organist alot and sometimes plays solos. God can use you, you just have to let Him show you how.

I'll be praying for you!

 

[Sharky]

Heya humble! You've got heaps of talent to do stuff like that! I know it sounds weird but it really doesn't matter what friends you can gain by doing that. Talents aren't given to you by God to find friends and fame. Remember there are tons of people out there who have heaps of crazy talents (some which can't be put up here ) and they were doing to to Glorify God. People thought they were nuts but to God, your talent is like your identity. It's what makes you, YOU . The world wants to see what the world wants to see. You can't please the world with talents all the time. Important thing is to please God. He's the one who gave such a great talent to you.