My mum is racist and controlling.

[asianangel]

Both my parents are racist but since my father has passed away my mum is still the same. She would not let me date anyone with dark skin (Asian or not), as long as they're dark, they're out. She comes up and screams and yells and tries to pick my friends for me. She has the most problems with dark skinned men (women she is ok with) I am almost 24 years old. I know that only God can change her 54 years of culturally ingrained discrimination. Though I am very hurt. I haven't spoken to her for over a week now and I don't intend to talk to her for a very long time. She makes me SICK. Please pray

 

[Jakihe]

I'll say a prayer for you both. I wouldn't argue with her. People are set in their ways and usually for them to change their views, they have to have a change deep in their heart first. You are old enough to make your choices about this. Your mum hopefully will respect that these are YOUR choices, now. Do you live with her? Personally, I would stay calm and mature about the disagreement and tell her how I feel and that I am sorry she is prejudice but that I hope she loves me enough to accept MY opinions, though they are different from hers. Maybe through you she will learn that people are people and there are good and bad in all colors.

 

[asianangel]

Thank you for your response. It means so much to me. I was breaking down at church today...so I have an army of my sisters to pray for me. I live with her but I want to move out. Yet I know that she's scared of me moving out because it will only be my sister and her left. I don't want to hurt her yet she is hurting me everyday and using my faith to attack me. She doesn't know God and she says to me "if you are really a Christian you wouldn't tear my family apart like this". What do I say to that??? It's really hurtful when she says "You go to church 2 and sometimes 3 times a week and yet NOTHING has changed about you". Which is why I am NOT talking to her. I'll end up losing it. Just walk away. Just walk away. I need many many prayers. I need the prayers of the whole world possibly. It hurts so much. MY LIFE is worth fighting for. Thank you for praying...I need constant prayer....and lots

 

[Wackotic]

It would be tough if you wanted to be with a dark skinned man. Feeling disgust is natural. One of my parents is racist and it is disgusting (even drops the N word). But I know forcing my views won't help. You can pray and you can try to say how much it bothers you and request her to be considerate to you by not bringing up that kind of talk when you are around. Otherwise, you have to have resolve to never be that way about other people's race and skin color.

 

[asianangel]

Yes...I am attracted to dark skinned men . She says she is not racist because "I don't have a problem with Oprah!" But I think she is. She has the problem with the men not the women...(what's the difference?!?!) I remember when I was watching Top Model and my dad went off at me "Stop watching all these black people!!!" Pathetic. I still show my parents love etc etc cuz it's what God wants and they are my parents...it's just very hard for me. Losing it.

 

[BlackSabb]

Both my parents are racist but since my father has passed away my mum is still the same. She would not let me date anyone with dark skin (Asian or not), as long as they're dark, they're out. She comes up and screams and yells and tries to pick my friends for me. She has the most problems with dark skinned men (women she is ok with) I am almost 24 years old. I know that only God can change her 54 years of culturally ingrained discrimination. Though I am very hurt. I haven't spoken to her for over a week now and I don't intend to talk to her for a very long time. She makes me SICK. Please pray

Everybody has faults and quirks-Christian or not. So, your mum is racist. Why should that ruin your relationship with her? There are things about my parents I absolutely hate. But I have learnt to separate beliefs, attitudes etc of my parents with my parents themselves.

Don't not talk to your mum because she is racist. Your mum is still your mum. If she's racist, it's her problem and it shouldn't make you sick and destroy your relationship with her. Can you honestly say that there are things in your life your mum would not hate too?

To me, parents are very special. There is no one in the world like your mum and dad. Do your best to maintain love for your mum and don't let her personal issues, quirks, beliefs and attitudes interfere with your love for them. It's not your job to change your mum's attitude. Pray for your mum and have faith that God can change her heart.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[tklefk01]

My question is ...are these gentleman your true and genuine preference or,... are we talking about one man inparticular? I am a mother of a teenage girl, who has ... I'll admit, been preached to all of her life about the complications of interacial marriage from a cultural standpoint. There are cultural differences between all peoples that need to be respected for preservation.

As long as ...one culture does not consider itself superior to any other, I personally feel it's ok to preserve your own. Are you sure that you are not acting out in defiance? Are there no gentleman in your area that share your race culture and life similarities?

Remember, God is not a racist as he loves all people. He did however, create race, each having its own origins of culture. Old testiment consistantly recognizes and testifys of these differences as a way to identify a group, culture or people.

Concluding my thoughts, I am thinking you should pray for your mother, as it would truly be a shame if she felt the color of her skin could somehow make her superior. If she is fooled by that notion than she is truly wandering around in the dark!

 

[asianangel]

Hey guys thanks for all your inputs. God really came through. She says she will accept the choices that I make now, because she has lived her life...and she wants me to be happy. I do not act out of defiance. I act fairly. I should be allowed to love whoever I want. I honestly thank God so much I've been thanking Him up and down everyday!! I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!

 

[aflower4God]

Praying for you my dear sweet loving sister,
I TOTALLY know how you feel, my best friend is "darker skinned" she is Asian. My grandmother shunned me for this (grandmother on mothers side). What I am about to say is NOT a suggestion just how sadly I handled her abuse about my best friend. I yelled at her, she told me that I was out of the will, I say GOOD cause I am in the will the will of JESUS and I am going to heaven that is allllllllll I care about.
This was 11 years ago. (She passed away 2 years later). I just became a Christan, months before the confrontation with her, and sadly the way I handled it was a few naughty words and the phone being slammed down. She never appologized to me and I never did to her. Tell you the truth I DON"T regret standing by my best friend one bit, the only thing I do regret is I wish I was more of a Mature Christian and I could have handled it the way Jesus would have wanted me too.
I say all of this cause I know your pain, please pray for stegnth in confronting your mother (that was a mistake I made I should have PRAYED before contfronting my grandmother like I did) and PLEASE KNOW that you will be in my prayers. GOD BLESS YOU and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU. (((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))