My Mind

[Ultra_Lord]

First of all this is not a journal although it may sound as so sometimes, its my thoughts recorded and expressed. Any citisism or thoughts are welcome and asked for.

How easy is it to fall into old routines? When I know I shouldn't, I couldn't. I love her ofcourse, but love isn't everything. We all need so much more then just love. Did I do the right? Is it just like the other times? Will I be cawling back to her in a few weeks? Should I be? Did I do the right thing? I miss her ofcourse, but isn't that only natural? So long, so much, so great. How could I not miss her? I hope I did the right thing. Does it have to be forever? Should she take me back, ever? I need to learn who I am, before I can know her. Anybody for that matter. How can I be sure when she is more or less the only girl I've ever really known. She never let me down. When she did she always apoligiazed. Did I do the right thing? Can it ever be back to the way things where? Do I want it to be, or are those just lingering feelings?

I have more but I don't want to wite them down right now.

 

[Ultra_Lord]

Wow don't like the color of my name on that one. HAHA

 

[yakkmeister]

What exactly did you want critiqued?
Spelling? Grammar? Sentance structure?

It's impossible to critique more than that (or at least; very difficult) with a blog/journal/diary/random glut of thought type of writing.

Yeah so ... I have nothing else to add ...
Sorry.

 

[Ultra_Lord]

I suppose sentence structure, and just does it sound good? Would it leave an impression?

 

[yakkmeister]

Well your structures seem to be OK; for the most part it's a rapid-fire sequence of questions.

Does it sound good?
In my opinion (others would help at this point) it sounds powerless and self-justificatory.
It lacks any real context, thus the meaning is unclear. The reader is forced to evaluate the text with itself as it's own context (which is not bad in and of itself) thus, I think, it carries an air of complaint; whining as it were, but not so simply whining.

I don't see a logical path. The reasoning is there; it just seems a bit illogical to me (which, by the way, is not a problem)

An impression?
Of course it will. Every thing you write will form an impression on the reader.
This, to me, conveys the helplessness of the protagonist against and unknown, unidentified foe whereby the loss of some important relationship has resulted.
Due to this helplessness the protagonist is self-justifying mistakes as being inevitabe.

Again: this is the impression I get from the peice in question and it's just an opinion.

er ... I hope that's what you were after.

 

[Ultra_Lord]

yakmiester, it's exactly what i wanted! thank oyu very much. i found what you said very helpful

 

[yakkmeister]

Good; it's nice to be appreciated.
I am well pleased that I was able to help you!.