My Life

[ablikespaintball]

Hey...i used to go to this site a few years back, it's kind of a funny story to tell you the truth. Well, im in my late teens and way back when i used to talk about all sorts of religious things on here, when i was like 12-13. anyway, this is a long story, i hope ya'll have the time to read it, i really do. Well i met my girlfriend/now ex girlfriend on this site. I talked to her for months and we had a great friendship, it was amazing. She lives in illinois, i live in connecticut. we are the same age by the way. we started visiting eachother and fell in love. Now three years later, i am sitting here typing a letter about her, mainly. I feel really weird writing this because the last time i logged onto here was September 28th of 2004. Oh yea, sorry if i jump around a lot when i write, i like to write as i think. Well to give you a little bit of a backround, i used to be a very "dedicated christian", you could say. Then, i started spending more and mroe time with her, and i just slipped away from God. Don't get me wrong, it wasnt because of her. it was my decision obviously, and it was mainly because i was fed up with two faced people in the church. Whatever, that isnt the point. The point is....well...i guess i really don't have a point for writing all of this. im just really heartbroken, to tell you the truth. We just broke up today, i guess it was good, now that i think about it. Our relationship was amazing even though there was a lot of stress and heartbreak everytime i left her. So, i just saw her a week ago, from tomorrow actually. and after i left, she told me that we needed to "take a break" becuse she is overwhelmed by the distance. Why now...well...ill tell you. her and her brother were having a little fight, and they were just messing around. long story short, he grabbed her hair and told her he was ognna kill her. thats where i step in. it was all going really fast, and i held him down, i didnt try to hurt him or anything. i was holding him in a head-lock, when he started to cough blood. so i let him go because i thought he was chilled out by then. well, he wasnt. he went and grabbed and knife and threatened to stab me, then he grabbed a gun, and threatened to shoot me. ok well i dont know why i told all of you that whole story, but whatever. So, her mom says that i can't come back because her mom doesnt trust her brother around me. this is where she (my girlfriend), started to think about how she could only see me if she came to connecticut. and wich started this whole thing.
Well, im sitting at here on my computer bawling my eyes out. I have no one to talk to. I really need somene here who understands. Ive fallen away from God, I admit, and don't know where to start again. Honestly, i dont really care if anyone responds to my little ramble about how i think my life sucks. I just needed to sit here and write about it, to get my mind away from her. I just read a book called, "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower." I liked it a lot. the main thing about the book that i liked is this boy named Charlie, he wrote letters to someone he didnt know, just to get his thoughts out. I think thats really good sometimes. Even though they wont respond, its nice every once and a whilke to do this sort of thing. Well..in case you were wondering, or care, my name is Alex. Feel free to comment, thats why i wrote this. Now im going to go smoke a cigarette, yeah i know, smoking is bad, whatever. Thats the only comfort i have at this point....

 

[gaweatherford]

Hey...i used to go to this site a few years back, it's kind of a funny story to tell you the truth. Well, im in my late teens and way back when i used to talk about all sorts of religious things on here, when i was like 12-13. anyway, this is a long story, i hope ya'll have the time to read it, i really do. Well i met my girlfriend/now ex girlfriend on this site. I talked to her for months and we had a great friendship, it was amazing. She lives in illinois, i live in connecticut. we are the same age by the way. we started visiting eachother and fell in love. Now three years later, i am sitting here typing a letter about her, mainly. I feel really weird writing this because the last time i logged onto here was September 28th of 2004. Oh yea, sorry if i jump around a lot when i write, i like to write as i think. Well to give you a little bit of a backround, i used to be a very "dedicated christian", you could say. Then, i started spending more and mroe time with her, and i just slipped away from God. Don't get me wrong, it wasnt because of her. it was my decision obviously, and it was mainly because i was fed up with two faced people in the church. Whatever, that isnt the point. The point is....well...i guess i really don't have a point for writing all of this. im just really heartbroken, to tell you the truth. We just broke up today, i guess it was good, now that i think about it. Our relationship was amazing even though there was a lot of stress and heartbreak everytime i left her. So, i just saw her a week ago, from tomorrow actually. and after i left, she told me that we needed to "take a break" becuse she is overwhelmed by the distance. Why now...well...ill tell you. her and her brother were having a little fight, and they were just messing around. long story short, he grabbed her hair and told her he was ognna kill her. thats where i step in. it was all going really fast, and i held him down, i didnt try to hurt him or anything. i was holding him in a head-lock, when he started to cough blood. so i let him go because i thought he was chilled out by then. well, he wasnt. he went and grabbed and knife and threatened to stab me, then he grabbed a gun, and threatened to shoot me. ok well i dont know why i told all of you that whole story, but whatever. So, her mom says that i can't come back because her mom doesnt trust her brother around me. this is where she (my girlfriend), started to think about how she could only see me if she came to connecticut. and wich started this whole thing.
Well, im sitting at here on my computer bawling my eyes out. I have no one to talk to. I really need somene here who understands. Ive fallen away from God, I admit, and don't know where to start again. Honestly, i dont really care if anyone responds to my little ramble about how i think my life sucks. I just needed to sit here and write about it, to get my mind away from her. I just read a book called, "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower." I liked it a lot. the main thing about the book that i liked is this boy named Charlie, he wrote letters to someone he didnt know, just to get his thoughts out. I think thats really good sometimes. Even though they wont respond, its nice every once and a whilke to do this sort of thing. Well..in case you were wondering, or care, my name is Alex. Feel free to comment, thats why i wrote this. Now im going to go smoke a cigarette, yeah i know, smoking is bad, whatever. Thats the only comfort i have at this point....

We've all experienced this type frustration in life and wonder why it ever happens at all. I've had similar circumstances and never came to terms for why it turned out as bad as it did until I realized that I was chasing a pipe dream all along and would'nt take no for an answer. By the time I figured that out, I had invested WAY to much time and emotion into it already and was then at the mercy of just time itself to heal the wounds. That was a bad feeling...because I knew how slow time moved and how long it would take me to forget my investment.
In your post you already conceded that you fell away from God during the relationship. You also showed that an unusual amount of violence occurred from within the relationship. That would be enough to prove to me that the situation was doomed to begin with and that I was responsible for it (in part). Personally, that ship is sunk and I'd flee that thing and not look back. Sometimes in life to much damage has already occurred to ever make salvage and all we can do is just walk away. Take it from experience: Once the parent is against you (whether it's your fault or not)....you are finished. I know that sounds rough...but given the distance and all, you have a snowballs chance.
If anything at all, get something positive out of the situation and learn from it. Get God back into your life and ask him to protect your heart from these type manuvers against it. They are damaging in ways that are deep-seeded to your overall attitude, so you have to very wise to avoid them as you grow. You're a viable resource to God's purpose and God will mold you if you allow. Allways realize that and allways realize that it takes antagonism to prove to us the failures that God is trying to correct in our character. Christ died on a cross for you to live eternal. In other words, if no other person existed on the planet, he would have died solely for you. It's just that personal. Never fall away from God in spite of that. It is our duty, responsibility and joy to live for Christ! Be wise.

 

[BelindaP]

I know that I'm going to sound like your mother, but please bear with me. I'm the age of your mother.

My guess is that you are probably 16-17 years old right now. Losing your first love at that age, especially one that went on that long, is very hard. It's like somebody dying. Losing it the way you did is even worse, because it's like having somebody you love murdered.

Having said that, I will tell you that I think it is best that it is over. Given how her brother behaved, my guess is that there are some serious problems in that family that you don't want to be a part of, especially at your age. If she has not shared them with you up to this point, then she has a lot of growing up to do before she is ready for a long-term committment.

You have a tremendous amount of life ahead of you that God has plans for. Let Him guide you in the way that you should go. If He wants you to get back together, then it will happen when it is time. If He has selected somebody else for you, you will meet her when it is time.

Until then, try to keep your focus on Him. Start praying and reading the Bible again. Find a church that suits you. Satan just points out the hypocrisy in the churches to weak believers in an attempt to sway them away from the path of truth. There are some loser churches out there, but most of them are great. Try a few until you find one that you really fit in with.

Also, pray for your girlfriend. She is going to need your intervention before God even if she no longer wants to be your girlfriend. God has plans for her too.

Take heart! God loves you and wants the best for you. You'll find that your 20s will be an even better decade than your teens. You may even meet the love of your life then. You certainly won't be alone, because God will go with you. I'll be praying for you.

 

[solarwave]

Hi.

Well for a start I would say, maybe find a good church, which you like and star that way. Try to pray to God and tell Him all the stuff you told us (it might help).

Maybe time out might be good, maybe it's God calling you to come back to Him before you carry on with the relationship.

Well theres my short advice, hope things go well.

 

[FallingWaters]

Dear Alex,

I'm sorry for the pain you're in. That's awful. That was a really bad exchange between your girlfriend's brother and you. I'm kinda curious about her brother coughing up blood and all... is he okay now, do you know?

I don't have any great soothing words for you. It hurts. When I hurt, I remember God loves me, and I seek comfort and encouragement from Christian music, and from the Bible.

Here's a great online Christian station with not too many commercials:
http://www.wmsj.org/
click on the tiny orange bar at the top of the left column that says
"LISTEN ONLINE NOW"

 

[MrFreshdew]

Hi ablikespaintball
our true and best friend is Jesus,look unto Jesus in everything, for Jesus is the only hope.
hugzzzz

 

[Riis]

It does sometimes help to ramble to nobody doesn't it! It's like your unburdening yourself without burdening anyone else... What you said about falling away from God because of the two faced christians - aren't there people like that anywhere you go? It's not God's fault that some people aren't commited enough to bother putting there all into it! You should give God another go.... The God I know is fantastic at healing broken hearts - not overnight mind you, but God has healed my heart on numerous occasions you should forget what other Christians do or don't do and turn to God fully and totally just for yourself - I believe that your comfort and restoration will come from him
I'll keep you in my prayers PM me if you want to it'll give you someone to ramble to randomly

 

[heron]

Hi, Alex. What a stressful week you've had! I think you deserve to sleep for a day.

i started spending more and more time with her, and i just slipped away from God.... it was mainly because i was fed up with two faced people in the church

There's a strange thing that goes on, and there's no easy solution. People tend to make a big separation between teenagers and adults. Churches try to build up the youth ministries, but when the teens seem to surpass the adults in spiritual fervor, it makes adults nervous. They don't quite believe that after all their years of dedication to God, that a younger person could rise up and move in power and effectiveness.

There's no magical age where you're suddenly respected. But old friends of mine laugh about how when we were in our early twenties, those who were single were still treated as irresponsible and those who were married were asked to lead groups and become elders. It's sad, but yes, we're all two-faced in some way or another.

I understand what the mother did. She was trying to protect you as well as her son and daughter. When little kids fight, no one thinks much about it... when teens fight, they get detention... then suddenly they're adults and charged with assault and battery, spousal abuse, child abuse....

I'm not saying that you are dangerous. But start looking at how misunderstandings could turn this into something bigger. People lie, people sue, people charge people with crimes for tiny incidents. Just be cautious. The distance is probably wise right now, and will give the mother a chance to collect herself.

 

[rocklife]

Dear Alex, one place to start is reading the New Testament. I have discovered many churchgoers don't read it much, maybe a bit at church, but not much. That is a clue about so many two faced churchgoers. The New Testament, Jesus knows there are many pretenders (hypocrit means actor so to speak).

If your ex-girlfriend's family is so violent like that, I hope they aren't all calling themselves christian too. Her mother isn't taking good care of her kids. I lived in a house like that, pulling a knife on my brother and etc. That is not love. It isn't loving for parents to let their kids be like that either, unsupervised and violent, etc.

hope your life works out better. I'm praying for you

 

[Endure2]

ablikespaintball

first of all, i commend you for doing the right thing... and that is protecting her becuase any man who loves or cares about his lady would have done the same...maybe even a little more. so dont act like you messed up or think you did...no way. that boy needs to be thrown a healthy beating or sent to a home somewhere.

sometimes life sucks...and im not gonna preach at you about how you need to learn about life...
but there will be times when life sucks balls and you cry and suffer through...because theres nothing else you can do or any way to fix it... and eventually you wont be crying anymore before it wont mess with you emotionally like it did at first... and sometimes a situation just has to fix it self...
and all you can do is suffer through it.
and in the end...even if it doesnt work out like you wanted it to becuase it doesnt always...
youll have learned something valuable and it wont hurt anymore though you may always have a sense of wishfulness that it had gone diffrently... but these kind things we just have to deal with...
and in the end, youll be a stronger person.

nothing wrong with crying with life turns to crap, but whenever the pain goes away and it will... step up and take what you learned and the strength youve gained and move on.

i hope this situation can fix itself and you end up with her if thats what you want... if not, its just a part of life. be strong dog.

if you think your christian life needs restored... sincerely search for it and put your heart in its right mindset to receive it...and your sure to find it.

this wont tear you apart forever man, take care.

 

[EmbracingHim]

Hey...i used to go to this site a few years back, it's kind of a funny story to tell you the truth. Well, im in my late teens and way back when i used to talk about all sorts of religious things on here, when i was like 12-13. anyway, this is a long story, i hope ya'll have the time to read it, i really do. Well i met my girlfriend/now ex girlfriend on this site. I talked to her for months and we had a great friendship, it was amazing. She lives in illinois, i live in connecticut. we are the same age by the way. we started visiting eachother and fell in love. Now three years later, i am sitting here typing a letter about her, mainly. I feel really weird writing this because the last time i logged onto here was September 28th of 2004. Oh yea, sorry if i jump around a lot when i write, i like to write as i think. Well to give you a little bit of a backround, i used to be a very "dedicated christian", you could say. Then, i started spending more and mroe time with her, and i just slipped away from God. Don't get me wrong, it wasnt because of her. it was my decision obviously, and it was mainly because i was fed up with two faced people in the church. Whatever, that isnt the point. The point is....well...i guess i really don't have a point for writing all of this. im just really heartbroken, to tell you the truth. We just broke up today, i guess it was good, now that i think about it. Our relationship was amazing even though there was a lot of stress and heartbreak everytime i left her. So, i just saw her a week ago, from tomorrow actually. and after i left, she told me that we needed to "take a break" becuse she is overwhelmed by the distance. Why now...well...ill tell you. her and her brother were having a little fight, and they were just messing around. long story short, he grabbed her hair and told her he was ognna kill her. thats where i step in. it was all going really fast, and i held him down, i didnt try to hurt him or anything. i was holding him in a head-lock, when he started to cough blood. so i let him go because i thought he was chilled out by then. well, he wasnt. he went and grabbed and knife and threatened to stab me, then he grabbed a gun, and threatened to shoot me. ok well i dont know why i told all of you that whole story, but whatever. So, her mom says that i can't come back because her mom doesnt trust her brother around me. this is where she (my girlfriend), started to think about how she could only see me if she came to connecticut. and wich started this whole thing.
Well, im sitting at here on my computer bawling my eyes out. I have no one to talk to. I really need somene here who understands. Ive fallen away from God, I admit, and don't know where to start again. Honestly, i dont really care if anyone responds to my little ramble about how i think my life sucks. I just needed to sit here and write about it, to get my mind away from her. I just read a book called, "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower." I liked it a lot. the main thing about the book that i liked is this boy named Charlie, he wrote letters to someone he didnt know, just to get his thoughts out. I think thats really good sometimes. Even though they wont respond, its nice every once and a whilke to do this sort of thing. Well..in case you were wondering, or care, my name is Alex. Feel free to comment, thats why i wrote this. Now im going to go smoke a cigarette, yeah i know, smoking is bad, whatever. Thats the only comfort i have at this point....

How terribly sad. . What I found the most sad is that you are judging 'God' from the behavior of imperfect human beings. Is it right to do this? Do you judge your girlfriend by the behavior of her brother?

People = Hypocrites 'yes' -- but this does not apply to God or the scriptures.

I am also terriby sad for your broken heart, but the scriptures tell us that God disciplines 'His' children. You do not blame your girlfriend for the fact that you have turned away from God -- I see this. However, I also see that factors exist in your girlfriend's life that are not from God (a brother that is going to 'kill' another and even if you were to do anything to anger this brother...should 'killing' another be an option in Christ? ...Of course not! There is clear dysfunction in this family situation.

We know in scripture that God purifies and strengthens the heart of His children and we also know the methods that satan uses to destory people and distance them from thier Father in Heaven (Whom we need and Whom is our first love and the ***only*** true love without any fault that we will find. There is **One** that is perfect).

So lastly, I am very sad that you are allowing satan to use devices to fool and tempt you into doing what is not natural for our 'life,' but is a tool of destruction (ciggarettes). It only gets harder to quit using this phoney and lied filled crutch in the long run...and trust me...I know and I DO NOT judge you. **sigh.

You have much 'comfort' at your finger tips now...you have God's Word, you have family and friends that love you, you have a church close by your home desiring to welcome you in as family, you have God...He is so much more than a love of a woman (although it might be difficult to see this now as your heart is broken).

The old saying 'time heals' is true with God's intervention. You will love much in your life--but to love correctly ... we need God.

The Bible in original Greek had four types of love...Agape (a divine love), eros (romantic love), storge (the love of family) and philia (spelled differently amongst different scholars and this is sisterly/brotherly love). It took me many years to see that eros was not the 'get all' in life and that the other loves mentioned in scriptures were far greater. They exist in Spirit and not in the flesh. It is, however, the love of the flesh that can 'hurt' the greatest.

I will pray that God brings you comfort and I hope to see you post more!! Thank you for sharing your story and may the Lord bring you peace and I'm sorry I can't make the hurt go away with words, but I hope that I might have offered some things worthy for you to consider during this time.

God Bless and keep you in His Mighty Grip.