I've posted this here before but I really need your prayers.
I have a really hard situation. I looked for God's help the first time after being involved in a bad relationship. Immediately after breaking up with her I got a bad case of bipolar disorder, and I self medicated my stress and mental pain with a sex addiction to porn. It's taken me about twenty years to overcome that addiction, in a process of repenting and falling and repenting and falling over and over. And I haven't found lasting peace with God yet. I feel doomed much of the time.
I have a girlfriend who I want to marry and she wants to marry me, but the state will take my health benefits away if we marry, and I'd have to jump into a good paying full-time job to afford the health insurance I need - but I struggle with bipolar depression and schizoaffective disorder so that this would be very hard, if not impossible to hold down a job. And we can't control our desire for each other, we need each other badly and find ourselves in a messy situation all around.
It's all driving me crazy. I haven't been able to tell my girlfriend "no" to sex because I'm just not strong enough to handle the emotional pain resulting - in fact I have said "no" several times already and neither of us have been able to commit to that "no."
As a result I am not able to believe in God's love for me. God won't speak comfort to my situation and I can't go on. I don't even know if I believe anymore.
I have a really hard situation. I looked for God's help the first time after being involved in a bad relationship. Immediately after breaking up with her I got a bad case of bipolar disorder, and I self medicated my stress and mental pain with a sex addiction to porn. It's taken me about twenty years to overcome that addiction, in a process of repenting and falling and repenting and falling over and over. And I haven't found lasting peace with God yet. I feel doomed much of the time.
I have a girlfriend who I want to marry and she wants to marry me, but the state will take my health benefits away if we marry, and I'd have to jump into a good paying full-time job to afford the health insurance I need - but I struggle with bipolar depression and schizoaffective disorder so that this would be very hard, if not impossible to hold down a job. And we can't control our desire for each other, we need each other badly and find ourselves in a messy situation all around.
It's all driving me crazy. I haven't been able to tell my girlfriend "no" to sex because I'm just not strong enough to handle the emotional pain resulting - in fact I have said "no" several times already and neither of us have been able to commit to that "no."
As a result I am not able to believe in God's love for me. God won't speak comfort to my situation and I can't go on. I don't even know if I believe anymore.
