My heart has turned into my worst enemy.

[Neonap]

Hello, everyone. I've recently repented and have taken my walk with the Lord seriously, I was a backslider lukewarm christian who constantly fell back into my sin not wanting to change. What led me to turn to God sincerely was only by the Grace of God but one night I just asked God what was wrong with me? Why do I keep on sinning though I know it's wrong? I believe He answered my prayer because the very next day I came across an article that touched upon the wickedness of our hearts. The verse that really blew my mind was this one. And he called the people to him again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand: There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.” And when he had entered the house and left the people, his disciples asked him about the parable. And he said to them, “Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?” (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” - Mark 7: 14-23 The problem was with my heart, and I confessed to God what I felt within my heart, and asked Him to change it. What I found deep within my heart was very disturbing, I'll list some of them. Lust, self hatred, extreme hatred towards others, self righteousness, pride, anger,envy,jealously, doubt, etc etc. I've almost gave into my lust a couple of times, but by the Grace of God I didn't give in. I have Faith, and trust in God, I have even started to read the bible little by little. But recently, my emotions have become out of control. I usually let my emotions take a hold of me, but despite what I feel, I continue to trust God. Now I feel like my heart has turned against me, like it has become my own worst enemy. For example today I'm at a public place, and all of a sudden hatred starts to pour out of me, and I don't want to feel this way. It's like a inner war between my wicked heart, the flesh, the mind and the world. It's so intense that I literally feel the darkness within my heart, contaminating my soul and mind. What should I do, because this feels way too much. I just want God to take all the wicked desires and imaginations from within my heart. Is this just mental illness or something spiritual? I am going to still pray despite all of these negative emotions trying to swallow me up who
Hello, everyone. I've recently repented and have taken my walk with the Lord seriously, I was a backslider lukewarm christian who constantly fell back into my sin not wanting to change. What led me to turn to God sincerely was only by the Grace of God but one night I just asked God what was wrong with me? Why do I keep on sinning though I know it's wrong? I believe He answered my prayer because the very next day I came across an article that touched upon the wickedness of our hearts. The verse that really blew my mind was this one. And he called the people to him again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand: There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.” And when he had entered the house and left the people, his disciples asked him about the parable. And he said to them, “Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?” (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” - Mark 7: 14-23 The problem was with my heart, and I confessed to God what I felt within my heart, and asked Him to change it. What I found deep within my heart was very disturbing, I'll list some of them. Lust, self hatred, extreme hatred towards others, self righteousness, pride, anger,envy,jealously, doubt, etc etc. I've almost gave into my lust a couple of times, but by the Grace of God I didn't give in. I have Faith, and trust in God, I have even started to read the bible little by little. But recently, my emotions have become out of control. I usually let my emotions take a hold of me, but despite what I feel, I continue to trust God. Now I feel like my heart has turned against me, like it has become my own worst enemy. For example today I'm at a public place, and all of a sudden hatred starts to pour out of me, and I don't want to feel this way. It's like a inner war between my wicked heart, the flesh, the mind and the world. It's so intense that I literally feel the darkness within my heart, contaminating my soul and mind. What should I do, because this feels way too much. I just want God to take all the wicked desires and imaginations from within my heart. Is this just mental illness or something spiritual? I am going to still pray despite all of these negative emotions trying to swallow me up whole.
I know this sounds crazy, but I don't know how to properly explain this situation to you guys.

 

[Solomons Porch]

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matt 26:41

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph 6:12

THEREFORE: Put on the whole armor of God - Eph 6:13
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand

Our biggest battles are between what we feel and what we know. The mind is a huge battleground and our flesh gets use to it's sinful ways. Allow the Holy Spirit to cleanse and purify you, ask Him to do this. Does it feel good, no. Pray more of YOU and less of ME Lord. You are not alone, we all struggle, but we have a promise that we must stand on, His word, the written word of God is our weapon. It delivers, heals and sets captives free.

 

[CrystalDragon]

Hello, everyone. I've recently repented and have taken my walk with the Lord seriously, I was a backslider lukewarm christian who constantly fell back into my sin not wanting to change. What led me to turn to God sincerely was only by the Grace of God but one night I just asked God what was wrong with me? Why do I keep on sinning though I know it's wrong? I believe He answered my prayer because the very next day I came across an article that touched upon the wickedness of our hearts. The verse that really blew my mind was this one. And he called the people to him again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand: There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.” And when he had entered the house and left the people, his disciples asked him about the parable. And he said to them, “Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?” (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” - Mark 7: 14-23 The problem was with my heart, and I confessed to God what I felt within my heart, and asked Him to change it. What I found deep within my heart was very disturbing, I'll list some of them. Lust, self hatred, extreme hatred towards others, self righteousness, pride, anger,envy,jealously, doubt, etc etc. I've almost gave into my lust a couple of times, but by the Grace of God I didn't give in. I have Faith, and trust in God, I have even started to read the bible little by little. But recently, my emotions have become out of control. I usually let my emotions take a hold of me, but despite what I feel, I continue to trust God. Now I feel like my heart has turned against me, like it has become my own worst enemy. For example today I'm at a public place, and all of a sudden hatred starts to pour out of me, and I don't want to feel this way. It's like a inner war between my wicked heart, the flesh, the mind and the world. It's so intense that I literally feel the darkness within my heart, contaminating my soul and mind. What should I do, because this feels way too much. I just want God to take all the wicked desires and imaginations from within my heart. Is this just mental illness or something spiritual? I am going to still pray despite all of these negative emotions trying to swallow me up who
Hello, everyone. I've recently repented and have taken my walk with the Lord seriously, I was a backslider lukewarm christian who constantly fell back into my sin not wanting to change. What led me to turn to God sincerely was only by the Grace of God but one night I just asked God what was wrong with me? Why do I keep on sinning though I know it's wrong? I believe He answered my prayer because the very next day I came across an article that touched upon the wickedness of our hearts. The verse that really blew my mind was this one. And he called the people to him again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand: There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.” And when he had entered the house and left the people, his disciples asked him about the parable. And he said to them, “Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?” (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” - Mark 7: 14-23 The problem was with my heart, and I confessed to God what I felt within my heart, and asked Him to change it. What I found deep within my heart was very disturbing, I'll list some of them. Lust, self hatred, extreme hatred towards others, self righteousness, pride, anger,envy,jealously, doubt, etc etc. I've almost gave into my lust a couple of times, but by the Grace of God I didn't give in. I have Faith, and trust in God, I have even started to read the bible little by little. But recently, my emotions have become out of control. I usually let my emotions take a hold of me, but despite what I feel, I continue to trust God. Now I feel like my heart has turned against me, like it has become my own worst enemy. For example today I'm at a public place, and all of a sudden hatred starts to pour out of me, and I don't want to feel this way. It's like a inner war between my wicked heart, the flesh, the mind and the world. It's so intense that I literally feel the darkness within my heart, contaminating my soul and mind. What should I do, because this feels way too much. I just want God to take all the wicked desires and imaginations from within my heart. Is this just mental illness or something spiritual? I am going to still pray despite all of these negative emotions trying to swallow me up whole.
I know this sounds crazy, but I don't know how to properly explain this situation to you guys.

If anything it's a just mentality.

Think of how many times in the past people thought things like diseases or sleep paralysis were caused by demons? We know better now.

Everyone has bad thoughts once in a while. The key is overcoming them.

 

[WilliamBo]

This post is exactly what I feel often. I believe God completely, I fear Him greatly, but I get so scared because I feel like I don't love God enough... my own heart scares me, I also see the darkness there and I feel like I'm still in darkness even though I have lots of understanding... I can't get my mind of all the hell scriptures and the second death and how bad it scares me that I won't be ''good'' or worthy enough, and I just feel like I ''have'' to go along with the world, and the fact that my whole family are atheists doesn't help... I have these ''glimpses'' of heaven and the joy of God but they are only for a split second and then I'm in fear and torment that I won't make it there. I feel ''guilty'' constantly for choosing God while the world rejects God, like I feel guilty for not doing what everyone else is doing...

 

[paul1149]

It's so intense that I literally feel the darkness within my heart, contaminating my soul and mind. What should I do, because this feels way too much.

I would start here:

if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. -1John 3:20​

Knowing that, takes the condemnation out of it. Knowing He is for you and not against you, you can begin to rest in Him. And from there you can gain strength. Rejoicing is a defense (php 4), and praise is a weapon. Stay in the Word, because that is where the freedom is.

 

[1213]

... For example today I'm at a public place, and all of a sudden hatred starts to pour out of me, and I don't want to feel this way. It's like a inner war between my wicked heart,...

I think it could help, if you think, why the hatred comes, if there good or bad reason for that. If you see no good reason for it, that may help you get rid of it.

Maybe it is normal and not bad to feel hatred. But the good thing is not to let the hatred rule you. If you can resist that, it goes way eventually.

 

[com7fy8]

I know this sounds crazy, but I don't know how to properly explain this situation to you guys.

I think you have explained your experience and concern very well

God bless you I am Bill, very pleased to meet with you and all of us here

I just want God to take all the wicked desires and imaginations from within my heart. Is this just mental illness or something spiritual?

There are different ideas about how much a mental trouble has spiritual roots, versus it being just a medical issue. So, I will offer what I understand, but I acknowledge that not all Bible claiming people agree. You can trust God, in any case, to have you discover all the good He has for us

And He is almighty, and so He is easily able to change us out of what is keeping us from loving. If something is keeping us from loving the way the Bible says, I offer that this means the thing is anti-love and therefore it is somehow a spiritual problem. Because if we are deeply strong in love, a sickness can not keep us from loving if the sickness is only a physical problem.

In Post #2 above, Solomon's Porch gave us scripture saying we need to put on the whole armor of God so we can fight against evil spiritual beings. But, right before this scripture, we have Ephesians 6:10 which to me means we need to be strong in Jesus and His almighty power. To me, this means we especially need to have and grow in the character of Christ which makes us more and more natural in being pleasing to our Heavenly Father and loving any and all people. We need not only weapons for fighting Satan, but in us we need Christ's character.

And Ephesians 4:31-32 can help to feed us how to become in sharing with others who are growing in love with us and who are able to share in mutual love relating with us. This comes not only with struggling against Satanic beings, but in growing in the character of Jesus in us. And we help one another with this, by example and prayer and God's word shared with one another. So, you do well to share with others and not try to handle this on your own ! !

I am going to still pray despite all of these negative emotions trying to swallow me up whole.

yes

And God is almighty so He can easily make Satanic things go away, but we need to grow in the character of Jesus love so we become more and more naturally immune against how sin-sick things would torment us >

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

 

[JCFantasy23]

It sounds to me like you are going through a strong spiritual awakening/strengthening, and sometimes when that happens some of our repressed issues or problems come more to the surface. What you are going through will make you stronger and you will get through this with God, prayer, scripture and growth. I know it must be hard - it sounds hard! - but it sounds to me like you are on the right path.