...has led me here. I'm twenty-four years old, I live in a demographic city that claims to be mostly christian, and I've been following the Lord and His word since I turned seventeen. I've grown up in a Christian family, attended youth group and frequented church until early this year when my faith in the church was at a loss. I try to follow God and practice his word. And so far, I'd like to think that I've done the best I can. But the one thing that upsets me is this. I've always known that sex is for marriage, and not until I was probably twenty I didn't have a problem being a virgin. In high school, I fit in with a crowd of Christian people and we held our virginity with pride. But then we graduated and woke up to the awful truth. -That nearly everybody is doing it. And I mean everybody. The people I looked up to and depended on for support were no longer there and could hardly be trusted. Some fell short of God and ultimately decided not to wait until marriage anymore. Some even seem to have a closer relationship to God than I do, but are not waiting until marriage. Now, I know that they have problems of their own, but it just doesn't seem like it. Some are engaged, some got married, and some seem to have the world at their fingers. I, on the other hand am not. I'm single and have been for the last four years because my last girlfriend broke up with me after I wouldn't make love to her. So, my chastity ultimately led to my struggle with relationships. Every other person I know is doing it regularly and even my own parents didn't wait until marriage. I just recently read a study that said 93% of unmarried people between the ages of 18-24 have sex on a regular basis. What's more disheartening is the same study found that 80% of unmarried Christian people in the same age group have sex. So, all this is weighing down on me. What am I holding on to anymore? Why do I bother turning women down (it's happened three times) when all it does is ruin the relationship or possibility of a relationship? How am I supposed to find a virgin wife if there are none? Help!
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My Growing Struggle...
- Thread starter JoeBradley
- Start date
Sir,
I'd like to see that study. That sounds like a very, very high statistic. I have to wonder about the dynamics of that, where the sample was collected, etc. Because, even outside the church in my wacky world of academia with my university campus, I would not say that 93% of people are doing it. In fact, in my Human Behavior in the Social Environment class, the teacher just named a stat that while young adult people perceived that 75% of their peers were sexually active, in reality only about 50% were. Perception, my friend, is key. It may SEEM like everybody's doing it, but why would that affect YOUR decision? Do you want to stay chaste for you, and for your mate? Is it a personal goal of yours? Do you really think EVERY OTHER young woman is out there having sex? That you're an anomaly? I would doubt that, truly. Where is this terrible study at?
I'd like to see that study. That sounds like a very, very high statistic. I have to wonder about the dynamics of that, where the sample was collected, etc. Because, even outside the church in my wacky world of academia with my university campus, I would not say that 93% of people are doing it. In fact, in my Human Behavior in the Social Environment class, the teacher just named a stat that while young adult people perceived that 75% of their peers were sexually active, in reality only about 50% were. Perception, my friend, is key. It may SEEM like everybody's doing it, but why would that affect YOUR decision? Do you want to stay chaste for you, and for your mate? Is it a personal goal of yours? Do you really think EVERY OTHER young woman is out there having sex? That you're an anomaly? I would doubt that, truly. Where is this terrible study at?
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Wanted to add: If the women you're interested in only want you if they can have sex with you...
I would find some other women to be interested in if I were you. There's more to you than that. There's got to be.
I would find some other women to be interested in if I were you. There's more to you than that. There's got to be.
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stephanieamber
i am gonna love like you've never seen.
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ask God.
I'm really not a romantic or anything, so I don't like the whole "Wait until you're with someone you love!!" type thing. But it's really not about me and another person, it's about me and God.
There's a level of respect I lose for people who are teaching people to wait until they're married but they're out having sex. I find such blatant hypocrisy (even though they somehow explain it away) to be absolutely digusting.
We each answer for our own actions. When you stand before God, you're not going to be able to pull the "I didn't get the point because everyone else was doing it" card.
I'm not trying to be mean at all. This whole premarital sex/boundaries/etc thing is TOUGH - that, along with loneliness are the two things I personally feel are consistently brought up on these boards. But at some point we need to get real and stop expecting to stumble upon an excuse that will make us feel better about potentially not abiding by God's wishes.
I'm really not a romantic or anything, so I don't like the whole "Wait until you're with someone you love!!" type thing. But it's really not about me and another person, it's about me and God.
There's a level of respect I lose for people who are teaching people to wait until they're married but they're out having sex. I find such blatant hypocrisy (even though they somehow explain it away) to be absolutely digusting.
We each answer for our own actions. When you stand before God, you're not going to be able to pull the "I didn't get the point because everyone else was doing it" card.
I'm not trying to be mean at all. This whole premarital sex/boundaries/etc thing is TOUGH - that, along with loneliness are the two things I personally feel are consistently brought up on these boards. But at some point we need to get real and stop expecting to stumble upon an excuse that will make us feel better about potentially not abiding by God's wishes.
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GQ Chris
ooey gooey is for brownies, not Bible teachers
Well, just because everyone's doing it... you know the drill.
Its a matter of personal choice man, are you going to trust God, or pack it in and give into the status quo that sex is alright and everyone is doing it and that there are never any serious consequences and do just like everyone else...
Many people in the Bible doubted if God would ever provide, if His promises would ever come to pass, they struggled with the same types of bitterness and anxiety that people do today, nothing has changed. I'm a very rational thinking person, and while I agree that it is frustrating that sinners all around me seem to be prospering, I know that in God's own timetable no one will be getting off free because of a Holy God who's given us instruction for how we should live, and He's accomplished all the hard work already through Jesus.
I experience many days where I wonder and doubt, but I pray every day that my Spiritual eyes be opened up, because what I see with my natural eyes is not really what it seems.
King Solomon didn't restrain himself from all the women he ever desired, but in the end, he still found no joy.
Its a matter of personal choice man, are you going to trust God, or pack it in and give into the status quo that sex is alright and everyone is doing it and that there are never any serious consequences and do just like everyone else...
Many people in the Bible doubted if God would ever provide, if His promises would ever come to pass, they struggled with the same types of bitterness and anxiety that people do today, nothing has changed. I'm a very rational thinking person, and while I agree that it is frustrating that sinners all around me seem to be prospering, I know that in God's own timetable no one will be getting off free because of a Holy God who's given us instruction for how we should live, and He's accomplished all the hard work already through Jesus.
I experience many days where I wonder and doubt, but I pray every day that my Spiritual eyes be opened up, because what I see with my natural eyes is not really what it seems.
King Solomon didn't restrain himself from all the women he ever desired, but in the end, he still found no joy.
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There is a virgin dating forum on the internet.. with people just as dedicated as you to the wait until married...
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stephanieamber
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Inkachu
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Hey Joe, welcome to the forum, dude 
Listen, if you were to make a thread called "Who Here Is Not Having Sex" (I'm not recommending you do that, btw lol), you'd get a LOT of people confirming that they are virgins, celibate, etc.
You are NOT alone. It's true that it's much harder to find guys between 18 and 24 who are celibate; that's the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] demographic in the world, you know. But believe me, there ARE exceptions.
Keep your chin up, and remind yourself that you AREN'T the only guy who's waiting and struggling.
Listen, if you were to make a thread called "Who Here Is Not Having Sex" (I'm not recommending you do that, btw lol), you'd get a LOT of people confirming that they are virgins, celibate, etc.
You are NOT alone. It's true that it's much harder to find guys between 18 and 24 who are celibate; that's the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] demographic in the world, you know. But believe me, there ARE exceptions.
Keep your chin up, and remind yourself that you AREN'T the only guy who's waiting and struggling.
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there are still virgins around, but then again who's to say God wants you to marry a virgin? I'm not advocating sex before marriage of course, but if that is one thing you're struggling with then you should know that there are no Biblical guidelines about marrying people who only have the same background as you. So long as they've repented of their sin and are committed to following the Lord and living their lives in such a matter, why make their lack of virginity an issue?
i also know how hard it can be to go from a very sheltered environment where everyone shares the same values to a more open environment where most people's values stand in direct opposition to your own, but unfortunately thats life. The Bible tells us that we're not of this world. It tells us that the world is going to stand in direct opposition to our beliefs. But it also tells us that we have strength in Christ to withstand the temptations of the world (phil 4, Hebrews 4). Ultimately we Christians aren't just living (or attempting to live) pure lives for our own sake or the sake of others, its to bring glory to God's name, and maybe reminding yourself of that next time you start to struggle with your v-card status will help you to feel a bit better.
i also know how hard it can be to go from a very sheltered environment where everyone shares the same values to a more open environment where most people's values stand in direct opposition to your own, but unfortunately thats life. The Bible tells us that we're not of this world. It tells us that the world is going to stand in direct opposition to our beliefs. But it also tells us that we have strength in Christ to withstand the temptations of the world (phil 4, Hebrews 4). Ultimately we Christians aren't just living (or attempting to live) pure lives for our own sake or the sake of others, its to bring glory to God's name, and maybe reminding yourself of that next time you start to struggle with your v-card status will help you to feel a bit better.
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It's not letting me post links but remove the spaces from this address:
www . foxnews . com / story / 0,2933,538701,00 . h t m l
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kevlite2020
rawr means I love you in dinosaur!
I wish there was an easy answer, but keeping virginity is definitely going against a strong current in this culture. Regardless what the exact stats are (really I don't see a need to get all nitpicky on that aspect), you are in the minority. This sucks for two reasons. Many people will either envy you, wishing they had your self-control, or they will want to corrupt you, seeking to take away your virginity. I have a feeling it's more extreme for women, but men have these issues too. You're going to have guy friends that will make fun of you for your choices, you're going to have girls look down on you because of your lack of experience. Just know that the people who are right for you and who will truly love you, will appreciate this part of your life and be grateful for your self-discipline. If you give up this part of you just to please others, you will be so unhappy. I wouldn't give up any part of who I am, just to make someone else happy. Hang in there brother!
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Pics or it didn't happen.
Who's to say anyone knows what God wants from us, other than to spread the gospel, help out our fellow man (and woman), to be happy, and talk to Him on a regular basis? I have a serious problem with this predestinational viewpoint (and with predestination theory in general) when it comes to marriage as it indicates that 1) nobody has a say or choice in the matter, and 2) if you don't end up with this person God supposedly "wants" you to be with that He's gonna have a ragefit and smite/curse/get angry with/be upset with you. Other than what I just mentioned of what God wants for and from us, I think the rest is pretty much open game to personal decision and drive.
Maybe because they've been in a situation like stated above and learned from experience that they're not comfortable with it? We all have things in our life that we're not comfortable with in a long-term relationship (like marriage). There's nothing wrong with that. So what if virginity (or lack thereof) is an issue? It's not my place to question whether or not an issue for someone else really is an issue because I haven't walked in their shoes to know the extent of their reasoning behind it. Some people are okay with a lack of virginity in their partner. Some people aren't. Everyone is different.
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meh, i'm not necessarily arguing for the "one" theory (i don't believe in that myself), i'm leaving the possibility open that God would be just as pleased with one of His children marrying a Godly nonvirgin, as He would a Godly virgin. There's no Biblical evidence to the contrary.
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It's hard when you've got the weight of the world against you. My own father (who had taught me to wait all throughout high school) views my virginity as ridiculous and suddenly "there is no need to wait anymore". I have friends that do not like to admit that they are having sex with their significant others. I have one friend that goes so far as to tell me that it is a sin, but like all other sins, we can be for given. That friend is engaged right now and openly talks about his sex life. Even the pastors of the church I went to turn the other cheek and say as long as they're engaged it won't matter once they are married. You mean to tell me that my God will just magically cleanse and bless you upon marriage? Bullcorn.
It's gotten to the point where I'm known as "the virgin guy" (and not in a good way). It's no longer something to be proud of. In nearly every conversation that I've been in with my friends, somehow the virgin thing gets brought up and I feel awkward and embarrassed. It's insane to think about. But somehow I've gone from "wow you're waiting" to "haha you're waiting".
You all bring up valid encouragement and I thank you for that. I'm sorry if I came off as somebody who's only going to accept a virgin wife. I have no problem marrying somebody that's more experienced than I. God forgives, why shouldn't I?
It's gotten to the point where I'm known as "the virgin guy" (and not in a good way). It's no longer something to be proud of. In nearly every conversation that I've been in with my friends, somehow the virgin thing gets brought up and I feel awkward and embarrassed. It's insane to think about. But somehow I've gone from "wow you're waiting" to "haha you're waiting".
You all bring up valid encouragement and I thank you for that. I'm sorry if I came off as somebody who's only going to accept a virgin wife. I have no problem marrying somebody that's more experienced than I. God forgives, why shouldn't I?
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i'm sorry to hear about your friends and to be honest i think it may be time to seek out new friends who will encourage you to live your life the way you know God wants you to rather than tearing you down for doing so. Maybe that means you need to switch churches, maybe that means finding a new college Christian club to join, maybe that means posting here more and finding like-minded Christians who will encourage you (and i promise you will find that encouragement here), maybe a combination of all three. Its one thing to stand up for truth and righteous living, its another to continually subject yourself to temptation from the very people who are supposed to be building you up in Christ.
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Ah, okay. I understand what you're saying and I agree about God being pleased either way. Sorry if it seemed like I was jumping down your throat. This is an issue I've got into a lot of debates about and most of the time, it was with people who were bent on trying to change my mind on the matter when I made it clear on several occasions that my mind has been made up based on my experiences and research. Considering my own interest in such matters (I plan on doing a Master's Thesis on the matter in some way, shape, or form), my passion for the matter gets the best of me at times. D:
I've also got into heated arguments about predestination that got ugly quick. ._.
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