My friend...

[20misti05]

One of my female, Christian friends recently told me that she has lustful thoughts about several of our mutual guy friends--thougts like goin' all the way with them, them raping her, stuff like that. She may have been sexually abused as a toddler; no one knows for sure as there is no documentation for it...
What should I do, as her friend? Obviously, pray...but I'm not that strong of a Christian...so I feel really hypricritical whenever I try to pray. I dunno....I just really don't know what to do about this...
Misti

 

[Antoinette.Marie]

Praying for your friend isn't hypocritical. You say you aren't "that much of a Chrisitian", but maybe praying and asking God for advice will pull you back into His arms. All you have to do is talk to Him.

Having lustful thoughts about someone is a sin, no question. But, her thinking of them raping her sounds like she might have been sexually abused as a child. DO you know if she knows if she was abused as a child? Does she have any dreams about that, or remembers little snipits of her childhood relating to any sort of abuse? I know you said there is no documentation of it, but maybe finding out that first would help her deal with these thoughts. Talking to her pastor, or a counselor at her church might help her find out if she was sexually abused.

 

[perfection]

How about advicing her to get herself a bf who is nice and who loves her?

 

[20misti05]

I don't think its a good idea for her to start looking for a boyfriend...she's had only one and that was a total mistake.

I don't know for sure if she was abused--she doesn't even know. But it is possible.

She doesn't want to talk about it to anyone in reality, cuz it's too embarassing...

Misti
Btw...I am my friend.

 

[20misti05]

I don't think that advising her to get a bf would be such a great idea--she's only had one and it was a mistake. She still hasn't totally recovered from it. She was so afraid he'd hurt her--emotionally, physically, and sexually. He wasn't a Christian, so she broke up with him. But she's not sure who it hurt more, him or herself.

I don't know for sure if she was sexually abused. She doesn't even know. It all happened between the ages of birth to 1 1/2--so no one really knows.

Thanks for the advice, though.
Misti

Btw...I am my friend.

 

[Johnnz]

Some wise counsel could be helpful. There is not need to assume sexual abuse of some sort if she cannot recall anything. She may be highly sexual, more honest than some, have other issues in her life that require addressing.

John
NZ

 

[ondry]

Pray a lot, even though you might feel bad when you pray. The closer you are to God, the easier it is to to His will. Might sound weird, but I think a lot of christians agree with me on that point.

 

[VivDaGurl]

Like what ondry said that you should draw closer to God and by doing so, you'll begin to experience a change in you slowly where you will withdraw from your sins. Start reading the Bible and start praying. Grow in Him and ask the Lord to work through you. When you begin to have lustful thoughts or whatsoever it is, pray instead! Take up the Bible and start reading, the Bible is a very powerful double-edged sword for you to fight in the battle field. Remember, no one is greater than the Lord and you have to believe in Him.

 

[Psychlea]

Misti,

Hon, it took a lot of courage to write this. You aren't abnormal. You aren't weird. Lustful thoughts about guys you see all the time are common. You say you have thoughts about "going all the way", or having sex, with them. If you were a guy, everyone would say "Yep, that's adolescence for you." Same goes for girls.

You say you even have fantasies of them raping you? That isn't uncommon either. A lot of women want to have men take control of the relationship, but in this day and age, that is not appropriate. Women are supposed to be equal. Well, we can fantasize, can't we? Fantasy is not the same as doing. I'll bet in the fantasy, the "rape" doesn't hurt. In real life it does. I'll bet that in the fantasy it isn't really a rape, but more of a dominant/submissive relationship. There is a difference, but we don't know what to call it.

Misti, the first thing to know is that you are not weird or bad or horrible. The "lustful" thoughts you are having do not make you an awful person. They make you a normal teenage woman. Now, you don't want the thoughts. You may not be able to get rid of them right away, and that doesn't make you weak or awful or a bad Christian either. But let's try to think of a way to get rid of them. When you start to think of them, try to distract yourself. Try reading, try praying, try watching TV. Or, try interrupting the thoughts with something that completely doesn't fit, like your mom, or your grandma, or something. But you know what? Soon enough, this will stop. Check it out...I am not much older than you, only 22, so it isn't like I am preaching down from some mountaintop of "wisdom", k? Hold my hand...you'll get through this. We'll pray together.

 

[Vilnius]

May I recommend a couple of books to you? "Every Young Woman's Battle" and "And the Bride Wore White." I think they will help you. You can find them on Amazon or Christianbooks.com. You did not mention if your problem involves masturbation, if it does there is a great book available from quietwaterspub.com

Praise God!

 

[silverlupus]

You say you even have fantasies of them raping you? That isn't uncommon either. A lot of women want to have men take control of the relationship, but in this day and age, that is not appropriate. Women are supposed to be equal. Well, we can fantasize, can't we? Fantasy is not the same as doing. I'll bet in the fantasy, the "rape" doesn't hurt. In real life it does. I'll bet that in the fantasy it isn't really a rape, but more of a dominant/submissive relationship. There is a difference, but we don't know what to call it.

Misti, thank you for your courage, and Psychlea, thanks for your understanding. I too have had fantasies of being raped, and there aren't really words to describe how unnatural it mades me feel. That I seemingly long for what so many women fear is a treeifying feeling. To hear that it's not unusual, that it doesn't mean I'm sick... it's like having a death sentence revoked. Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not alone.
Morgan

 

[Psychlea]

Big hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Psychlea