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My father

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Susan

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I want to keep honoring and respecting my father because I do not want to break the commandment, nevertheless I have a problem.

My father seems to be very easily angered anymore. Anything from one of our 6 cats playing with the cord to his TV headphones to dropping something to whatever can set off a tirade that lasts anywhere from 10 minutes to more than an hour if it was something really troublesome to him.

While he has never been physically abusive, he has cursed at me, my sister, and my mother. He has accused us of a myriad of things from lying to not caring about what he wants (though we do care, and I personally will try to walk on eggshells to avoid a shouting match), he has made all of us feel stupid or worthless at one time or another, and has made various threats (threatened to let all our pets out the door once, threatened to leave another time, and others). He even once got so mad earlier this year that I was almost sure he would become violent (though he didn't) :cry:

He also accuses me of being bossy, backtalking, lying, or other things, especially when there is no objective source to say that I did not do that or mean what I said in such a malicious way. Sometimes he will tell a situation in such a way that he looks like a hero and everyone else involved looks bad. :cry:

While he has always been somewhat of a grumpy type of person and never very able to control his anger, it seems to have gotten worse over the last few years, as has the lying :cry:

He claims to be a "Christian" and is a very moral person (never been involved in crime or sexual sin and is very conservative on many issues), nevertheless I have some severe doubts about his standing with God because of the fruit presented. I would like to ask, and I once tried to give him a tract called "Are You Born Again" by slipping it in his Bible a few years ago, but that got both him and my mother mad at me for questioning the veracity of his faith, and he never read it. 

Please pray, and give any advice you think can help.

 
 

Susan

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If anyone tries to confront him about his actions, he simply gets mad or presents himself as the "innocent victim" of others' bossiness and meddling, and he's always nice, albeit superficial, to anyone outside our family. So speaking to someone else about him will not help either, as he will only make it look like "my daughter was calling me a liar and disobeying."

I try to obey and be good, although I have been disobedient in the past: when he threatened to let my dog and cats out or give them away, whichever, I told him he could, although I really cared for them :cry: and at least he relented and let me keep them :)

Nevertheless he would drag up the past or simply make up something, and I would look like slime in his defense of himself.

I can only post this here because he cannot use the Internet (doesn't know how), so he will never see it. If he did, I would be being yelled at and he would be posting everything bad I have done back to when I was 3.
 
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Sharky

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Thank God you can post up here.

Yeah, my dad is pretty much the same, though not as deep to be honest. The way i deal with my dad is to get humble. Get heeeeaps humble. He yells, i take it like a man, (well in a reasonable way at least :)). I've done many things to get him to see what he's become when he gets angry. You might not believe it but try to be silent. In a way, it is to turn your back on him. I knwo it sounds crazy and probably even rude as but it really got my dad thinking too. Evenytime he gets angry at me, i just ignore him. Sometimes i ignore him so well it probably hit him like a stone.

I'm glad to know you're trying to get through to your dad. It's really hard especially when they get angry easily. I think the key dirt here is pride. Either that or he's got a BIG secret sin that nobody knows which is eating away at him inside. I know cause my secret sins tore at me probably leading me to be an abusive father, thankfully i let it all out before it matured too much. So yeah, if he has a secret sin you don't know, best to try and get through to him first and let him give out teh secret.

Trying to get through his hard head isn't easy but once you get through, things will be much better. :)

Dear God:
Please give strength and grace to Susan in conflict with her father. And if possible, grant her father clear eyes to see what he is actually doing. Thanks for the love you sent to us through Jesus Christ. remould his angry soul into something a little calmer and let Your light shine through him as it is supposed to. Amen.

Heeeey two for one. Advice and prayer :).
 
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Mr.Cheese

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Sounds like he has an emotional issue he needs to deal with. Getting him to believe that may be just about impossible. Men are ridiculously stubborn. Ask me how I know! But that doesn't help you out any.
I'd say he might need to see a counselor.

But for you:
It seems like a lot of how a girl feels about herself is related to her relationship with her father. Why? Don't know, you'd have to talk to a person who studies psychology or something.
But do this: Never call yourself stupid, ugly, or worthless. Don't even think it. You are none of those things.
 
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