my eldest son's trial

[Alive again]

praising God for His provisions! It does not stop our prayers for you and your family, it just reinforces them as they are being answered!

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Dear Golden Dee,

Thank you for your reply, I am glad you are not facing charges. That sounded like it was a close one for your daugthter for false reporting, it is sad to see your own child going bad.

Here is something to think about, I reckon the same boliling water that softens the carrot, also hardens the egg. Don't think you were a bad parent, because you are not, it is just that for reasons, we may never know or understand your children didn't respond to your effort to raise them right, now they are older and have to take responsibility for their stupid crimes. It is sad to see people get put into the system, but maybe it will help them realize, they have to play by the rules, they can't be breaking the law. It is not your fault they don't know that, and they're going to learn it quick, and quit doing stupid stuff like this.

About what I said about not believing in God, that is just my opinion on the matter as I feel about it, today. I may feel differently a few years from now you never know. I wouldn't mind some spiritual growth myself and perhaps adapt a more spiritual point of view, one along the lines of a liberal christian persuasion, perhaps roman catholic, that does not read the bible literally, but figuartively.

I was not trying to discourage your faith, or try to persuade you to give it up. I merely read a very sad story happening, to a really good person, that got me thinking about the problem of evil and I really can't see how there can be a God when bad stuff like that happens, it is like trying to believe two plus two equals five, while trying to believing in a caring and loving God. I probably should have sent that to you as a personal message. I reacted too quickly to think of that though now, and it is up there, the mods have been told about it, and I have a request for you Golden Dee could you write to the mods, that Doubting Thomas, is merely trying to grow his spiritual faith, but cannot do that, if he is not honest with how he feels about the problem of evil and people who believe in a literal interpretation of the bible.

 

[goldenviolet]

boliling water that softens the carrot, also hardens the egg

so true! i've not heard this exspession before thomas! i've known you for a few years now, you are my friend. so to the readers here: thomas is a nice gent. thank you for your encouragement thomas. i couldn't read everything though, because the huge font started to hurt my eyes. it has been embarrassing to face these troubles. the lady next door to us works for the state too. she's a case manager. her son just moved out. she found wiskey and beer bottles under his bed! our star highschool football player, great grade averages and "good kid". plus, one of our dearest friends, a pastor, has a son who's in my daughter's crowd. ... i have a colorful past too. "miss perfect" as i hear from my siblings is not at all perfect. anyhow, it means alot for you all to be supportive and share your stories. being a parent is the biggest guilt trip i've ever known. some kids are just prone to the fast life, or the thrill life... etc.

hey thomas, pm me if you want to talk about beliefs. i'm not a "shove it down your throat believer" lol. lol xo dee

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hello Bipolar Bear,

One of the mods got back with me, and said I wasn't even close to being banned, so I'll take him at his word. To Jeshu, if you want to chat with me, I would appreciate it, I wouldn't mind talking to you about that stuff, but we should keep the thread clear for Golden Dee. I guess at that thread I posted it looks like you have to be a mod to be able to post there. So I hope to hear from you guys soon.

Thomas

 

[Alive again]

Dearest Dee, I have enjoyed chatting with you! Hope we get to again soon! I am having a down go round right now with issues with hubby, but am still keeping you and your family in my prayers. May God continue to move mightily in this situation! My prayers continue and as things change and you are able, please let us know how you are! Hugs and prayers dear sister in Christ!

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hang in there Golden Dee you'll be alright!

 

[goldenviolet]

everything is falling apart again. i'm being accused at failure in so many ways. i feel like i have a huge weight on my chest. i wish i had someway to exsplaine, but i wouldn't know where to start. you all giving friendship to me sure means alot. a person shouldn't be beaten down to dispare because they make mistakes. i'll try to explaine later. it's just when i thought everything was mending... up jumps obsticals and a nice slap across the face or two. i do have lots of support, and i'm not in any trouble. but having relationships fall to pieces makes my heart feel like it's heavy with death. i sure understand the scripture...

but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:12-13

i have to say in many ways i'm fighting a hardness of heart. i'm seeking healling, understanding, comfort. everything and everyone i care for seems so far away. xo dee

 

[Alive again]

only a prayer of phone call away my firend. Know that your warrior angels are close and nothing escapes the eyes of your father in heaven the Holy Spirit, God Himself is in you . Feeling will lie to you , just remember these truths! and other you know so well. At times I have had to put on my tapes of Scriptures as my stress is so high and my mind so weak, and this will help calm my over stressed mind and remind me of truth and that I AM NOT ALONE AND NEITHER ARE YOU DEAR FRIEND!

 

[goldenviolet]

thank you, i forgot i had your phone number. everything is a blur last few days. yesterday my youngest daughter said some pretty cruel things to me. in response to what she did, i had exsplained that i love her, and want to work on a new relationship while she was away. i basically told her that i understood her wanting to break away from me; but i wanted to try to be here for her and work everything out; no matter where she lives. she said, i don't care, i just want away from you. i started to tear up, but told her that i birthed her and nothing she did would change my heart at wanting a relationship with her. then she tried to jump out of the car while it was moving. luckily i wasn't going fast and was able to prevent her from getting hurt. she started yelling at me and calling me crazy, telling me that all the family hated me and she wanted nothing to do with me. i was so hurt i decided to just take her back to her grandmas. she got mad, because she wanted to come home with me. so she started yelling the most awfully hurtful things to me. it really shook me up. some of the things she was saying was how much her and my son, and other daughter hated me. my youngest son came over later after i wrote the last post (his car broke down, so he's barrowing mine)... he told me she weas lying. and trying to hurt me. my husband told me that i can't be alone with the kids anymore (because he won't allow them to mistreat me). it just killed me inside. i'm far from the best parent. being mentally ill has truelly put my kids in some tough spots. and now they are being diagnosed bipolar... but i don't want to punish them for it, nor be punished for my errors. not like this. accountability does not warrent being emotionally and verbally abuised. when she is doing this bow: none of my other children do this, and say she isn't speaking for them), i get very confused. those mommy ties are very strong. it really breaks me to pieces. it's so hard to let it roll off. it soaks in my toughts and i hear it over and over again. a good sleep helped. but i feel so small and lost. to boot, as a moderator, i've made errors. it's hard when people are upset at me. i love people so much, and good relationships are what it's all about. so you all being supportive is such a blessing! my hubby isn't always home... my bestfriend. so if it wasn't for this lovely online community and outreach for the Lord, i'd be so lost. loving others in their times of struggles is a healling force because it is a joy that i just soak up. being connected and sharing all of our life issues is such a blessing. it's a get-away from the hardness of people who don't care, you know the 'rat-race'.... i'm greatful that the Lord has designed His children's purpose to be the family that is purfecting His love in outreach with eachother. lol. i'm gushie. i wonder if that made sense. i've got a huge stress headache, so i'm off to the couch.
thank you so much to each one of you. xo dee

 

[Alive again]

OH, it made perfect sense! O know I lived through years of "hell" on earth with my bp son. Thank the Lord he now realizes more about life and has said to us I don't know how you guys ever put up with me and I don't like who I was during those years very much. Somehow I think as Mom's we hurt more when I kids say thouse things and yet I wonder if our hubbies just don't feel free to express their hurts. They try so hard to be the protectors they are designed by God to be and yet they are torn when it is our kids as well. I have also learned the one issue with bp is we often misread others or buy into their criticism more and so we truly are for lack of better words "more sensitive" than others. God can use this is mighty way though. Know my prayers are with you. Your daughter is in a crisis state. Unfortunately in her immaturity she chose to dump all those crisis emotions into you! Send them to the Lord and do not keep them for yourself-only He can handle such toxic stuff. Dear friend, God knows none of us are perfect and we have all made mistakes. I always agonize when I make a mistake on the forum. But if we didn't make mistakes, there would have been no need for Jesus to die for us. Let it go and be covered by the blood of Christ. Listen to the truths God says about you, not the lies and toxicity that is being thrown at you! You are forgiven, beloved, a true daughter of the King of King, a saint, salt and light, worthy!!! God delights in you and sings over you! And so on!!! Listen to the Words of our Lord, they are the truth! Prayers and Hugs!

 

[goldenviolet]

thank you so much. your post really hit my heart with hope. social workers just left. they told me i'm doing an amazing job with my kids and my my mental health. i started crying and said it didn't seem like it. they told me that the medical care and counselling that i'd surrounded us with is something bad parents don't do. they also told me that since they know my kids lied, they completely understodd me me being thrown off emotionally. it's freedom to be given permission to feel they way i do. i've been fighting it all. but i know remember, sometimes we need to submit to crying and not hold it back. i've got a whopper of a headache. lol, but i feel so much better. it's nice to be encouraged. i needed it so much. thankyou. as for mistakes on the board there's nothing worse than feeling or knowing you made someone ealse feel crummy or put out. i think my headache is worsening while at the computer lights. i'll catch up later. xo lots of thankx and blessings, dee

 

[s_gunter]

This thread did get off topic to the OP. While the subject of the "off topic" is something that should not be ignored, it should not be done in this thread.

Thanks guys/gals
​

 

[chava]

I don't know much about this or how your son was diagnosed with bipolar but since he was fighting it he might have felt like I did. They diagnosed me when I was eight and when I was on meds they made me angry and it was even worse when I got off of them for a few days. But later on after fighting the diagnosis for over 9 years finally someone told me that I was just PTSD with some ADHD and that I didn't need the meds. In fact they made me worse and I was addicted (physically) to them. So that was why when I went off of them I felt angry and experianced hallucinations/blackouts. They're really that strong. So it could be your son's medications or a bad diagnosis because they're diagnosing 1 out of every 3 people with bipolar now. It's becoming a trend not a disorder just like ADHD was in the 90's.

 

[Alive again]

Praying my dear friend!

 

[Jeshu]

Yeah I've had one out of the five who repeatedly called me nasty names and said hurtful things to me. I understood. I, at times, had given my kids hell when psychotic - I knew that such hurt needs expression at times and for certain kids it is more of a problem than for others.
I never replied nor defended myself when my child treated me like this, figuring that the anger would only increase if I kept supplying fuel - myself and how I felt- to my child's internal fires.
However I did pray to God and brought my often broken hart before His throne. I also increased my 'love' activities towards this child - determined to love the hate to death - after many years I can say that it has worked. I've got an ever increasing love relationship with my child again and no more nasty things are said or done - the opposite is true - thank God almighty for blessing my endeavours - and returning my whole family back to me.

My advise to any parent who is abused/badly treated by an angry child - please don't demand your rights as parent but in humility back down, love lots in an active way - remember YOU know your child better than anyone, and expect nothing back in return for often a long time (years even.) also very important is to refrain from 'preaching'.
I suppose I'm saying give your child space and let your deeds towards them be loving and good - I know for certain that only a few will continue to reject their loved one.

Having said all this, please don't forget to bring your hurting hearts to Jesus during this time. Let His love, for He knows how to treat wayward kids, bring you relief and wisdom.

Gerry
I

 

[bipolarbear]

's Prais the Lord for He si good! His Love endures forever! 's​

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your hearts for all the support! not just, for prayers, but for sharing your own trials, and just for being here and being you!! xo.... !!

well, i snapped and relapsed. just got out of hospital, but it was such an awesome stay. both mentally and physically. i'm doing so much better!! and all rested, renewed, hopeful, determined, and full of happiness. lol. my meds were upped/ adjusted, and i got to learn and renew some managing skills as a person, and as a mom. yes! lol isn't just amazing how when we relapse, we forget how to cope? i had a really awesome team of doctors, counselors, social workers, and such. i just felt so surrounded and encouraged. (yes, the first few days they had to peel me out of bed)
lol... it was awesome to have the help getting back on track. thank you!! xo dee

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hang in there Dee you'll be alright, you'll survive. You got jerks for kids, but you are not like them, it is something they would mistreat you, when, you're providing for them, like a roof over their head. Your husband has good advice you shouldn't even be left alone with them, because they'll abuse you. Hang in there!

 

[Alive again]

bless your hearts for all the support! not just, for prayers, but for sharing your own trials, and just for being here and being you!! xo.... !!

well, i snapped and relapsed. just got out of hospital, but it was such an awesome stay. both mentally and physically. i'm doing so much better!! and all rested, renewed, hopeful, determined, and full of happiness. lol. my meds were upped/ adjusted, and i got to learn and renew some managing skills as a person, and as a mom. yes! lol isn't just amazing how when we relapse, we forget how to cope? i had a really awesome team of doctors, counselors, social workers, and such. i just felt so surrounded and encouraged. (yes, the first few days they had to peel me out of bed)
lol... it was awesome to have the help getting back on track. thank you!! xo dee

So glad to hear that you found the help you needed!

 

[goldenviolet]

i thought this thread could die. but sadly the family drama has kick started again. an annonymus tipper told the police that the kids were back together (the ones involved in the court issues) ... so the police and social workers raided our homes (((yes mine too!)))... now no one is speaking. i suspect it's because the "tipster" is unknown. but my kids blocked me from their accounts and email. i'm betting it is because we cooperated with police and social services. i told thomas earlier, i was taking it pretty good. but i have to say, the water works are going now. i'll be taking meds and going to bed early tonight. the day has been way way too long! xo dee