My dilema...

[WoundedImmortal]

This is something I have been strugling with for years, and I don't know why it's been haunting me so much lately...maybe because the aniversary of his death was last month, and it was the first aniversary I could call myself "Recovered"-...however...

Several years ago, when i was just 16, a young man in my year in school died-he killed himself. And indirectly, his death saved my life. See, the day our school found out about his suicide was the same day i was planning my own. I came in that day not with a backpack, but with a duffel bag so i could clean out my locker. But then first period we were allcalled into the auditorium and it was announced to us and I watched as my fellow students were overcome by tears-I was horrified. It could have been *me* that caused this and I knew it, no matter how much I had tried to convince myself that my death would make no impact at all. So that day i went to the guidance office and it was the first day I ever got the help I needed...I got a therepist, had multiple hospitilizations, was put on medication...and now 6 years of therapy later I am considered "recovered"...

My dilema is...recently I have been feeling this really strong desire to contact his mother. To let her know that I am alive because of her son-I don't want to re-open old wounds, but he was her only son...he was never the best student, or what anyone would ever all a rolemodel...but he saved my life-and if you were his mother would you find some small comfort in knowing that? Would you want to know that?

 

[c1ners]

It would hurt very bad to open back up those wounds. But it would also be very nice to know that in some way my childs death helped some one else. I think I would pray really hard about it and allow God to move me in the correct way. She might resent you for it, but then again she might be grateful. It's a hard call.

 

[Teshi]

Oh, my heavens.

First of all,

I think if I were his family, I would want to know. It would certainly re-awaken very raw emotions, but I believe I would find some comfort in knowing about this...suicide can feel so pointless to survivors, so to find some meaning in it...maybe it would be a help.

 

[austrianfoster]

i would want to know. the wounds have had time, and i really don't think that this will re-open them. i think that most likely, it would add an element of meaning to his death. i would want to know, becuase then i could say "look at how my son's death was in god's will." maybe there are others like you that saw the impact of his death and spared themselves from the same fate. maybe she has already heard that which you have to tell her. i think you should tell her, but that's just me.

austrianfoster

 

[WoundedImmortal]

Thank you all for your input...austrianfoster, my view had been much like yours.

~Kat