my dilema

TravellingGrace · Aug 10, 2005

I've been single for almost a year and 4 months now, purposely. It's been great growing and learning from God, but now I'm starting to feel restless. I feel lonely, and I wonder who God has in store for me. Part of me feels like I'm going to be alone for a long time still, if not forever...

I know I'm not ever really alone because I have God, I've heard that a million times but it still doesn't change the fact that I just want to be held. I want a good strong Christian man to just love me for who I am, and hold me in his arms.

Currently I'm somewhat getting attention, but the guy isn't a Christian. I told him I wouldn't/couldn't date him for that reason, and he agrees, and we've remained at a friendship level, which is good... but it doesn't help the fact that I feel lonely still. Why can't a Christian guy pay attention to me? It's tempting to just give in and go into a temporary relationship that I know wont last or go anywhere.. but that's just temporary and fleeting. I know it's wrong... but I can't help but just want somebody...

I guess I'm just slighty frustrated... I know in the whole grand scheme of things 1 year and 4 months isn't really that long, but I still feel like something is missing. I was fine for a quite a while up until about a month or two ago, and now I just feel really lonely...

I'm having those "ugly feeling" days lately too. Not that I am ugly, I just feel that way... I know it's not true, but maybe I just feel undesirable...

winglovesall · Aug 10, 2005

Hm -- I feel sorry that you feel that you're undesirable -- it's certainly a big issue -- I mean,

My advise apart from having patience is to find more Christian buddies in this Forum -- which will eventually heal you (Trust me!) and get to know them. Find people from all ages and I mean -- keep praying!!

Lonely -- sometimes, loneliness happens for a reason -- there are positives to it and think about the positives to it and you'll find yourself in a lot happier state!

I will help you with this one -- keep praying and I'll give you more advices later on!

TravellingGrace · Aug 10, 2005

I've got a lot of Christian friends, so that isn't too much of a problem. I'm involved in my church, I go to Bible College. I'm SURROUNDED by Christians most of the time.

winglovesall · Aug 10, 2005

It's good that you are -- it's good to hear that you've got Christian friends --

Try not to worry about it -- unlock the keys and identify the reason why you're single at the moment.

I mean -- God is always loving you!

TravellingGrace · Aug 10, 2005

I realize God is always loving me, but that doesn't help with this kind of lonely feeling. I don't feel alone in the sense of friends, or God... I have friends, and I have God. I just don't have somebody to hold me.

winglovesall · Aug 10, 2005

Somebody that holds you -- hm, so may I ask a question -- I know what you mean by not having somebody holding you but may you give more details about how you actually feel.

I will help you!

Scotty_Aussie87 · Aug 10, 2005

My advice, don't date the non-christian no matter what, I had a non-christian girlfriend recently and ended it having to explain to her how it was kinda pointless cos of our different life stances and i can see how that would have hurt her heaps. and it's really hard when u hurt someone who is nice .

but neway i know what u mean when u say u just want somebody, but don't give up, when i broke up with my Girlfriend God made a promise to me by showing me the type of person i may be with, he did this with a scene in my mind then followed it up physically a few days later by showing me i could talk to and get along easily with Christian girls.

don't despair! if u know that God has promised u that sorta Guy (which i'm sure he has) just focus on wanting to be everything u could be in Christ for that Guy God promised u!

Cheers, Sean

OhhJim · Aug 10, 2005

ChurchPunk86 said:
Why can't a Christian guy pay attention to me?

I hear ya. Since I decided, four years ago, to only date Christian women, I've dated exactly zero Christian women. It's much easier to find non-Christians who want to date.

I wish I knew what to tell you, except that you aren't alone.

BlackRain · Aug 10, 2005

yeah, i'm kind of getting a little restless as well, which is so unlike me too! i've been content and satisfied being single, but lately i've been thinking a lot more about it. it's so annoying sometimes because the guys who like me aren't very devoted to the Lord, to say the least.
i have no idea what to tell you except i understand what you're talking about. i just keep praying the Lord would sustain and give me patience. depend on him. James 4:10! find some verses that may comfort you or give you peace about this. memorize them or carry them with you. when you're feeling down about it, read them. also, keep hanging out with your friends!!! that's one of the best things to do. when i'm with my friends, i don't really care that i'm not dating a guy...it's when i'm alone that i feel like i'm missing something.

Heiroglyph · Aug 10, 2005

sorry

JPPT1974 · Aug 10, 2005

Croc said:
Yeh I have to think that Christian women do not really want Christian men. They want the same things that the secular women want and only to have the man happen to be Christian to satisfy their conscience.

Yeah they want stuff and people that aren't really about Christ but about them sadly.

TravellingGrace · Aug 11, 2005

winglovesall said:
Somebody that holds you -- hm, so may I ask a question -- I know what you mean by not having somebody holding you but may you give more details about how you actually feel.

I will help you!

well, I can't physically feel God holding me... so essentially what it boils down to is wanting to meet my husband... I'm so impatient...

TravellingGrace · Aug 11, 2005

Scotty_Aussie87 said:
My advice, don't date the non-christian no matter what, I had a non-christian girlfriend recently and ended it having to explain to her how it was kinda pointless cos of our different life stances and i can see how that would have hurt her heaps. and it's really hard when u hurt someone who is nice .

but neway i know what u mean when u say u just want somebody, but don't give up, when i broke up with my Girlfriend God made a promise to me by showing me the type of person i may be with, he did this with a scene in my mind then followed it up physically a few days later by showing me i could talk to and get along easily with Christian girls.

don't despair! if u know that God has promised u that sorta Guy (which i'm sure he has) just focus on wanting to be everything u could be in Christ for that Guy God promised u!

Cheers, Sean

not planning on it... even though it's tempting. I've dated a non-Christian before and it ended up in a lot of hurt, on both sides I think, and a lot of boundaries being pushed.

I know God has somebody out there for me... (at least I hope he does...) but I still can't help but wonder where... when and how...

TravellingGrace · Aug 11, 2005

OhhJim said:
I hear ya. Since I decided, four years ago, to only date Christian women, I've dated exactly zero Christian women. It's much easier to find non-Christians who want to date.

I wish I knew what to tell you, except that you aren't alone.

it is... if I wanted to I could probably go and find a non-Christian to date rather easily, but I don't.

It's even hard to find a Christian guy worth dating... now-a-days it seems like there is such a lack of passion among my Christian guy friends that I know... or the ones that are passionate enough just aren't interesting in me, or they live really far away.

TravellingGrace · Aug 11, 2005

BlackRain said:
yeah, i'm kind of getting a little restless as well, which is so unlike me too! i've been content and satisfied being single, but lately i've been thinking a lot more about it. it's so annoying sometimes because the guys who like me aren't very devoted to the Lord, to say the least.
i have no idea what to tell you except i understand what you're talking about. i just keep praying the Lord would sustain and give me patience. depend on him. James 4:10! find some verses that may comfort you or give you peace about this. memorize them or carry them with you. when you're feeling down about it, read them. also, keep hanging out with your friends!!! that's one of the best things to do. when i'm with my friends, i don't really care that i'm not dating a guy...it's when i'm alone that i feel like i'm missing something.

good to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

I'm ok around my friends, but a lot of them are dating somebody, or are engaged or married... not many of them are single anymore...

This week I'm swamped with work too, so I'm not really going out. I'm staying home until have to go to work, and then I go to work, and then I come home and sit around for a while until I go to bed... kind of hard to hang out with friends when your shift starts in the middle of the day...

hazeleyes80 · Aug 11, 2005

Croc said:
Yeh I have to think that Christian women do not really want Christian men. They want the same things that the secular women want and only to have the man happen to be Christian to satisfy their conscience.

Like what? Can you please elaborate on that?

TravellingGrace · Aug 11, 2005

Croc said:
Yeh I have to think that Christian women do not really want Christian men. They want the same things that the secular women want and only to have the man happen to be Christian to satisfy their conscience.

I hope that you don't think that is how I am. If so, you're misguided in your assumption.

I think part of why I'm feeling so lonely is because I haven't even found a Christian guy who is passionate about the Lord, who would actually consider me to be wife material.

For me I want a man who is willing to give his life up completely for Christ. A man who isn't afraid to declare his faith and a man who is deeply devoted to it. I want a Christ centred relationship, and that's the only way that can happen.

For some time now I've seen myself marrying a pastor... I don't know if that is from God or not. (I think it is kind of funny because I used to think pastors were weird for wanting a job like preaching about God... back when I was young and not really following Christ much. If I indeed marry a pastor it will be quite funny, and quite the turn of events.)

So for the record, I don't just want a Christian man to satisfy my conscious, I want a Christian man to share a life of glorifying God with me, and to share my passion with me.

winglovesall · Aug 11, 2005

Well, Christian man can keep you focus with God and that's part of marriage -- Non Christians may swing you out from the truth.

findinghope06 · Aug 11, 2005

im sorry you are feeling that way and i totally know what you are going through! i hope God graces you with a great husband (i know He will) just remember its in His timing. maybe if you were to get into a relationship now, it wouldnt last. thats how im feeling right now. i want that relationship with my husband but i know im not ready for it. i have so much growing to do and so much i need to learn. but God is with you. and no he cant physically hold you, but he is definitly there holding your hand guiding you right now. ive felt Him hold my hand before and when He did, i felt like i was completely on fire for Him. let Him hold your hand and you will meet that great man for you. dont give up and dont give in! God is with you.

Love in His name,
Stephanie

OhhJim · Aug 11, 2005

ChurchPunk86 said:
It's even hard to find a Christian guy worth dating... now-a-days it seems like there is such a lack of passion among my Christian guy friends that I know... or the ones that are passionate enough just aren't interesting in me, or they live really far away.

So, you feel that passion is a pre-requisite for (your) marriage? Suppose God sent you a fine Christian man who lacked passion?

So when you say "I want a good strong Christian man to just love me for who I am, and hold me in his arms", you mean a good strong Christian man isn't enough. He has to be passionate, too.

I just want to make sure we are clear.

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