My Dad is losing his resolve ...

[Revived]

My Dad is living in the same home and caring for a woman who is terminally ill. The issue is with her verbal abuse and overall lack of appreciation for all he does. He's a Christian and he knows that he needs to let the words roll off but (in his words) the lack of appreciation and surly attitude is relentless. To make matters worse, she is not like this around her children and other visitors.

I'm more than willing to concede that my dad may indeed be exacerbating the overall issue by falling into the trap of arguing his stance but the fact is this ... he is contemplating giving up.

My continual advice (always from a Christian perspective) is that we are here to serve and our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. He understands this and knows all the verses when he's away from the situation but he's losing the battle when it counts the most.

Can anyone relate or offer solid advice?

 

[Criada]

That must be really tough! It sounds as though your dad is doing a wonderful job, and I suspect that she is grateful to him.
Often when we are stressed or in emotional turmoil, as someone facing death often is, we take out our feelings on those we are closest to and trust the most. It is too much of a risk to vent the anger we feel on those who might abandon us, so we turn on those we know will continue to care and be there whatever we may say. It is much the same as confused and hormonal teens swearing at the parents they know love them, rather than at the friends who they are afraid may desert them...

I know that doesn't help practically, but maybe an understanding of why people behave this way will help your father to deal with it without feeling that it is a personal attack.

I hope that he can find a way to continue to help and support this lady without allowing himself to be hurt.

 

[ido]

Wow. That's a difficult situation. While I agree with what Criada said about often times hurting those we are closest to, I also understand how weary it is making your dad.

Does he get regular respite care or time away from her? Has he voiced his dismay with her behavior to her and asked her to stop being so nasty?

The only advice I really have is that he can choose to walk away when she's being nasty.

 

[RuthD]

Caregiving can be soooooo hard. My mom took care of her mother for years until her back was injured and she could not do it anymore. I think caregivers should put their mental health first. Constant abuse is not good for anyone.

 

[Revived]

Thank you for the suggestions and encouragement thus far!! Based on a conversation with him last night, he's seeing the bigger picture once again. I'm just praying for his focus at this point. God Bless!!