My Child

[BeccaLynn]

I would like to ask a very personal question that I hope people would not care to answer. Of course, most of the things we discuss on this website are of the extremely personal nature. I know that at least a couple or more have mentioned their children showing ocd tendencies. Has anyone ever had a child whom they felt needed or was placed on medication for ocd or emotional problems? My child keeps having meltdowns. By meltdownns, I mean a constant negative attitude, thinking about solemn things, having behavior outbursts when things don't go his way to the point of severe physical complaints that only seem to spiral, etc. I know that some of this can be a part of childhood, but I'm talking about over the top behaviors here. For a long time, I felt that if I just handled them right that I could nip it in the bud. There have been a few times that the way I handled it seem to make a difference, but for the most part it's one problem with him after another.

I don't want for my child to be placed on medication. He's only 8! But, he's miserable and it's tormenting to him and my husband and me. Something else that makes it so difficult is that my husband is completely against it. He gets mad at me for even mentioning that our son has emotional issues. He actually is upset that I have asked the minister who counsels me to counsel our son. I feel guilt for not praying as I should for my son and our situation, and a huge amount of guilt because I really feel I helped create my son's problems because of how I would react to him due to the frustrations in my own life. I think my husband blames me as well, even though he may not say it. The fact is though that our son is displaying all of this anger, unhappiness, and frustration and he needs help. Our family needs help! I'm just stuck and I feel the one who should be my best friend, my husband, is the very one I can't go to about this.

Please pray for us. Of course I pray for my son to be healed. I don't want him to deal with this, but I also don't want to put my head in the sand and think it will all go away either.

I would appeciate it if anyone who's had a child or children who displayed ocdish behaviors would reply. You could even pm me if you'd like.

Thanks so much!
Rebecca

 

[Jayangel81]

I think finding a good God-Anointed councelor would be good. Is he seeing a doctor right now?

It is not totally uncommon for your husband to feel this way about his problems, he could be hurting and just be in plain denial about the whole situation.

But there is no doubt that if your son is having problems that he needs to seek some medical/counselor help.

Finding the root of the problem is an important step. Do not be so quick to blame yourself..Don't put that on yourself

You may be unable to speak to your husband the way you should be able to (which is a problem in itself, which counseling can help from your pastor)

But God is always there, and He knows what needs to be done. Believe in your heart that God is in control

Pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

 

[keryakos]

becca im speaking for myself here but there is no way i would ever place a child at the age of 8 on drugs for ocd ...NO ..Counseling Yes ..but 8 year old are way too young for these types of meds and i say this contrary to what any doctor may say ..but that is my view ...

 

[kaykay9.0]

Praying for your son and your family, Becca. I agree that some type of medical or counseling intervention does sound in order. As you know, even if medication was recommended, you & your husband could still choose otherwise if you didn't want to do that. Sounds like maybe you at least need a professional opinion if you feel your child and the family is miserable and his behavior is really "over the top." And as Jay also said, please don't blame yourself. I really doubt that this is related to anything you've either done or failed to do. Just like as a child, I know now that I was battling OCD. But my parents' behavior in no way caused it. I'm also praying that the Lord grants you wisdom how to proceed ...or even better that things improve and you don't need to!

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks Jay and Keryakos for your replies. I definitely agree and realize my son needs counseling. That is why I've asked the minister who counsels me to counsel with him. My husband struggles with this though. Keryakos, I also do not want our son on meds. I struggled with myself being on them and have battled bad side effects when I was. However, I know the hell on earth I've been through with this stuff, and I didn't struggle with it in the way my son displays at such a young age. Yes, I struggled with feeling like something was wrong between God and me from an early age, but I didn't have all the physical complaints, the meltdowns, the spiraling out of control behaviors, the constant worrying, the "bad words" coming to mind upon top of not feeling right with God. My son has talked about and displayed these things. I used to think that there was no way I'd put my child on anything either. I used to work in special education and saw so many children on a lot of prescriptions. It really bothered me and it was easy for me to judge the parent(s). I don't want this to be the answer, but I am wondering if anyone else has dealt with this before and how they handled it.

Thanks!
Rebecca

Thanks so much for your prayers Kay Kay! I noticed your response after I submitted this. I appreciate all of the prayers!

 

[gracealone]

Hi Rebecca,
That's so hard to watch your little one suffer isn't it. I know God will lead you and your husband to the right kind of help for him. I'll be praying to that effect.
I don't know if this reassures you or not but my oldest son displayed OCD tendencies at the age of 6. Of course back then I was clueless about OCD. I just figured he took after his mom. He obsessed one whole summer that all his bones would come out of joint. It made him miserable. I think he was even mildly depressed. Then he obsessed that we were going to leave him at church every single week. Then he obsessed about what forever/eternity meant until he would just cry and have panic attacks. All these types of things happened when he was very young. He wasn't on meds. because I never knew it was an anxiety disorder. He's grown up now, married with a child, has a masters degree, is a forecaster for NOAA and above all else, he dearly loves the Lord. He knows about his OCD and panic disorder and has managed very well using vigorous exercise, St. Johns Wort and ERP techniques. So even though he started this stuff early he's functioning just fine.
Hope that encourages you just a little.
God Bless,
Mitzi

Thanks Jay and Keryakos for your replies. I definitely agree and realize my son needs counseling. That is why I've asked the minister who counsels me to counsel with him. My husband struggles with this though. Keryakos, I also do not want our son on meds. I struggled with myself being on them and have battled bad side effects when I was. However, I know the hell on earth I've been through with this stuff, and I didn't struggle with it in the way my son displays at such a young age. Yes, I struggled with feeling like something was wrong between God and me from an early age, but I didn't have all the physical complaints, the meltdowns, the spiraling out of control behaviors, the constant worrying, the "bad words" coming to mind upon top of not feeling right with God. My son has talked about and displayed these things. I used to think that there was no way I'd put my child on anything either. I used to work in special education and saw so many children on a lot of prescriptions. It really bothered me and it was easy for me to judge the parent(s). I don't want this to be the answer, but I am wondering if anyone else has dealt with this before and how they handled it.

Thanks!
Rebecca

Thanks so much for your prayers Kay Kay! I noticed your response after I submitted this. I appreciate all of the prayers!

 

[keryakos]

becca ..this is soo difficult ..i understand you want to do what is best for youre child ..and i just want to be clear that im in no way saying that if you are considering meds for youre child that you are a bad parent i was just giving you my point of view ..you know im sure that even as as adults while meds can save our lifes ..when it comes to mental illness they often mask the real problems now of course only medical treatment and healthy living can adresse biology ..but this is why therapy or counseling is soo important to try to get to the root of the problem.its also imperative i think that you as a parent do some invesitgative leg work of youre own .
There could be muliple causes for why youre child is acting this way ..this could be anything from a chemical imbalance in the brain to environmental factors ..EVERTHING needs tobe taken into account before a final verdict is rendered on treatment.that is all im saying ..

 

[kicker]

I know the situation your in. I have three kids, two that are with me 24/7 (one in daycare), and all three of them have tendencies towards different things. One is on med for ADHD and they take a toll on me every day. I was quiet and kind of a loner when I was real young and all three of mine are talkative and want to be with you all the time. I don't like giving my child a med for ADHD but she seems to do better on it. Her grades were bad and it has helped her to study better. I would not put my child on antidepressants or drugs like adults take because they are so young and many times work opposite in them. I sympathize with what your going thru and hope it gets better for you. I will pray for you.

James

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thank you Mitzi, keryakos, and James.

Mitzi, I'm so glad that you shared with me. If someone just metions an illness, my son moans and groans thinking that he has it or tells me to stop talking about it because it "makes his blood stop" to hear it. I'm so thankful to hear that your son is living a productive life. My son can get so intense, it scares me the kinds of behaviors he displays when he's acting on his emotions. When you wrote about your son talking about "his bones coming out" and having something like panic attacks at such a young age, I could relate to those kinds of behaviors and fears with my son. It encourages me that your child didn't have to go on antidepressants. That actually makes my heart smile because it places hope within me. There are very strong reasons that I have for my great concern due to tragedies that have happened to people in my own family when mental illness wasn't dealt with or when professionals were unable to help. That's one reason I've been in the frame of mind that I've been in over this. When I've heard my son make statements like, "I wish I was never born", it leaves intense sadness inside. I pray God uses what he's experienced to make him a person of stronger faith. It has been so disheartening too when he keeps talking to me about not feeling saved. We've talked about it several times, and I've told him I understand. I've never wanted him to experience this stuff!

Keryakos, I hope I didn't sound harsh. I do understand exactly where you are coming from. In fact, I have felt the same way. I just don't want to be closed off to something that, although it's prayerfully not what is going to be needed, God can use to help my son. It took me a long time to even be willing to try medication myself. In fact, I'm not on it now due to the side effects. It would be something as a last resort I would think for my son or me. It's not something I want to have to happen ever.

James, thank you for your response. Sometimes I think I have ADD on top of OCD! I'm so unorganized and it seems to take me so long to accomplish things. My thoughts can be all over the place! I'm glad the medication seems to help your daughter. My son wants my or my husband's attention a lot, which can be very draining, so I'm sure three children who want your attention, although they are absolute blessings, can be tremedously draining! They are blessed to have a dad who is dedicated to his family.

Thanks again to everyone!
Rebecca

 

[keryakos]

you didnt sound harsh becca not at all..

 

[annrobert]

beccalynn,
i am sorry your child is suffering like this,and it has to be very painful for you to watch,and cause you much worry.I would go by your instincts on this,as his mother your instincts will probably be the best indicator of what needs to be done.Right from how to deal with his meltdowns and fears at the moment they happen to choosing what to do for him longterm.You have already asked your pastor to counsel him and I think that is a great idea.But your instincts on whether to just have the pastor counsel him or to involve a child counsellor are the best to go on your instincts.Although I would personally be reluctant to place a young child on meds,due to wanting them to develop the ability to process thoughts and emotions and calm themselves on their own with help from a parent or counsellor or while being held close and talked through it.I would still put them on medication if I thought they absolutely had to have it and could not grow out of it through help and calming and talking,children place so much weight on the teaching and advice of their parents.Yet I am not a doctor or anything so I do not know .One of my daughters was real sweetheart 95 percent of time or more,yet she would have huge major temper tantrums once in while.I use to hold her close to me through it and talk to her quietly when she settled enough.When she got about 8 or 9 I began to teach her that she could control this,that she was the boss of her feelings and actions.She would weep that she was sorry after a tantrum and insist she could not help herself ,that her feelings were out of control when she had them and she could not stop herself.yet she began to listen to me and to try.I would tell her you are the boss, I undesrstand that you sometimes get very upset and feel like screaming.I want you to tell yourself that you are the boss of how you act when these feelings come, I want you to remind yourself.Tell yourself that you do not want to have a tantrum that you feel bad afterward, tell yourself that you are going to calm down and feel okay,that you are just going to wait until you feel better soon,pray and ask Jesus to help your behaviour and ask Jesus to comfort you and He will.Her tantrums quickly stopped.This worked for her,yet other methods may be needed for other children.Yet if she could not have overcome this with this type of help or she got worse and nothing was helping I would probably have got more help for her.Trust your instincts.There is nothing wrong with getting a child whatever help you as a parent decide they need.You can always try things out and change your mind if you do not like the results.It is definately not your fault that your child is having a hard time.Do not blame yourself okay,many children go through rough periods and it is not the parents fault.After all parents are the ones who love their children more than anyone else.I am sorry that your husband is not helping out much on this or being supportive.Hopefully he comes around or gets more involved later .The daughter who stopped the tantrums at around 8 or 9 is now married and very happy .
love linda

 

[BeccaLynn]

keryakos, I'm so glad I didn't come across harshly. Thanks for your reply.

Linda, you gave very sound advice. My son has insisted that he can't stop himself, but I've had a tendency to get upset with him and to insist that he can. Sometimes I've been calm, but often I've melted down with him or tried to be distant because I know how it has the tendency to escalate quickly, so I've tried not to give the behavior too much attention. However, it's not worked. So, it makes sense to give HIM the attention, not necessarily the behavior, and then redirect him when he calms down. Thanks so much! I think I'll print your reply off to remind myself of this.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[annrobert]

Rebecca,
your welcome,I am happy you found it helpful.God bless you and your family.
love linda