My boyfriend and I want to get married, but we don't have a safe place to live together. Any ideas?

[linux.poet]

At this point, the sexual desires, affection, what have you are eating away at both of us. The two of us have known each other for over a year now. It's gotten to the point where my boyfriend is asking for physical things, I have to say no and grit my teeth on my way home because I wanted to give in. Right now he's suffering from despair and both of us are crying because we love each other.

It seems at this point, we've worked our tails off solving all of our other problems. I now have enough money to support myself, but not enough money for apartment rent for both of us. Both of us are self-employed, so we are ileligible for Section 8 vouchers. We don't have enough money for mortgage payments, so Habitat for Humanity is out. And neither of us want to live in sexual sin. Recently I was in a Bible study with a woman who was living in sexual sin with a man before she became a Christian, and then she wanted to marry him after the two of them both became Christians. The two of them were forced to separate for 6 months before they were allowed for marry.
I don't think my boyfriend would be able to emotionally handle that. And besides, it's dishonoring to the Lord.

Is there anyone or any organization who can just straight-up help us and provide us with housing? I'm getting tired and exasperated. Is there any organization that just straight up gives abuse victims a safe place to live or money for a house? Should we just get married anyway, even with this problem still hanging in the air? How on earth would we do that?!

Even with all the work I've been doing, my business needs money to expand and there's no way I'll be able to pull $500,000 out of it within the next 2 years to buy a house. I'm actually considering trying to crowdfund the money for our marriage and house or maybe at least some months of apartment rent. Is that actually a good idea or is there a better option?

And if you tell us both to "get a job", I'm going to be very angry. We tried that, both of us did. Nobody wants to hire us, and we've been going at this for a full year. Also, technically I have a job, but it's still considered self-employment by the government because I don't get paid health benefits, so no Section 8. I'm honestly fed up with people who keep throwing our problems back at us and are critical of how much work we're putting in, when I have been doing 16 hour days with whatever work I can get just to stay alive and keep my car on the road. At least I have a car now.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel there, and I'm actually looking to dial back the 16 hour craziness and establish a better work-ministry-life balance. I just could use some advice for dealing with the housing obstacle.

Thanks.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

At this point, the sexual desires, affection, what have you are eating away at both of us. The two of us have known each other for over a year now. It's gotten to the point where my boyfriend is asking for physical things, I have to say no and grit my teeth on my way home because I wanted to give in. Right now he's suffering from despair and both of us are crying because we love each other.

It seems at this point, we've worked our tails off solving all of our other problems. I now have enough money to support myself, but not enough money for apartment rent for both of us. Both of us are self-employed, so we are ileligible for Section 8 vouchers. We don't have enough money for mortgage payments, so Habitat for Humanity is out. And neither of us want to live in sexual sin. Recently I was in a Bible study with a woman who was living in sexual sin with a man before she became a Christian, and then she wanted to marry him after the two of them both became Christians. The two of them were forced to separate for 6 months before they were allowed for marry.
I don't think my boyfriend would be able to emotionally handle that. And besides, it's dishonoring to the Lord.

Is there anyone or any organization who can just straight-up help us and provide us with housing? I'm getting tired and exasperated. Is there any organization that just straight up gives abuse victims a safe place to live or money for a house? Should we just get married anyway, even with this problem still hanging in the air? How on earth would we do that?!

Even with all the work I've been doing, my business needs money to expand and there's no way I'll be able to pull $500,000 out of it within the next 2 years to buy a house. I'm actually considering trying to crowdfund the money for our marriage and house or maybe at least some months of apartment rent. Is that actually a good idea or is there a better option?

And if you tell us both to "get a job", I'm going to be very angry. We tried that, both of us did. Nobody wants to hire us, and we've been going at this for a full year. Also, technically I have a job, but it's still considered self-employment by the government because I don't get paid health benefits, so no Section 8. I'm honestly fed up with people who keep throwing our problems back at us and are critical of how much work we're putting in, when I have been doing 16 hour days with whatever work I can get just to stay alive and keep my car on the road. At least I have a car now.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel there, and I'm actually looking to dial back the 16 hour craziness and establish a better work-ministry-life balance. I just could use some advice for dealing with the housing obstacle.

Thanks.

Marriage does not equal house. Go get married tomorrow and figure out all the rest later, including the celebration. Yes, elope. Blessings.

 

[chevyontheriver]

At this point, the sexual desires, affection, what have you are eating away at both of us. The two of us have known each other for over a year now. It's gotten to the point where my boyfriend is asking for physical things, I have to say no and grit my teeth on my way home because I wanted to give in. Right now he's suffering from despair and both of us are crying because we love each other.

It seems at this point, we've worked our tails off solving all of our other problems. I now have enough money to support myself, but not enough money for apartment rent for both of us. Both of us are self-employed, so we are ileligible for Section 8 vouchers. We don't have enough money for mortgage payments, so Habitat for Humanity is out. And neither of us want to live in sexual sin. Recently I was in a Bible study with a woman who was living in sexual sin with a man before she became a Christian, and then she wanted to marry him after the two of them both became Christians. The two of them were forced to separate for 6 months before they were allowed for marry.
I don't think my boyfriend would be able to emotionally handle that. And besides, it's dishonoring to the Lord.

Is there anyone or any organization who can just straight-up help us and provide us with housing? I'm getting tired and exasperated. Is there any organization that just straight up gives abuse victims a safe place to live or money for a house? Should we just get married anyway, even with this problem still hanging in the air? How on earth would we do that?!

Even with all the work I've been doing, my business needs money to expand and there's no way I'll be able to pull $500,000 out of it within the next 2 years to buy a house. I'm actually considering trying to crowdfund the money for our marriage and house or maybe at least some months of apartment rent. Is that actually a good idea or is there a better option?

And if you tell us both to "get a job", I'm going to be very angry. We tried that, both of us did. Nobody wants to hire us, and we've been going at this for a full year. Also, technically I have a job, but it's still considered self-employment by the government because I don't get paid health benefits, so no Section 8. I'm honestly fed up with people who keep throwing our problems back at us and are critical of how much work we're putting in, when I have been doing 16 hour days with whatever work I can get just to stay alive and keep my car on the road. At least I have a car now.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel there, and I'm actually looking to dial back the 16 hour craziness and establish a better work-ministry-life balance. I just could use some advice for dealing with the housing obstacle.

Thanks.

Both of you are living somewhere now, with two places. How would getting married and living in one place cost so much more? My wife and I lived in a very modest apartment in the back of a house for a solid year before we bought a very modest house. You don't need to buy a house to be married. A reasonable modest income does help. By the way, I am self employed and yes, the government seems to treat me worse than unemployed (all sorts of bennies) or having a job working for the man (plenty of bennies for the low wage earner). Self-employment has it's advantages but drawbacks too. You swim because if you sink nobody pulls you out.

You mentioned that at least one of you is an abuse victim. Is that being addressed? I might suggest Catholic Charities as a place to look for assistance with that. They do seem to have some skills to help there. Are both of you safe right now?

Also, kudos on being chaste. That's rare. But I think God honors it. May it not be long for you.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Marriage does not equal house. Go get married tomorrow and figure out all the rest later, including the celebration. Yes, elope. Blessings.

Eloping is underrated. Still with a minister of course, but a tiny thing that gets you going. Many Mexicans do not get married because they are expected to have a HUGE wedding that they cannot afford. They should have tiny weddings so they can live as married instead of as if married. Weddings are overall just too much, too expensive, too gaudy, too much about one day and not enough about the coming decades.

 

[eleos1954]

well evidentially the both of you are able to live separately now ... both of you are employed ... $500,000 for a house is a pretty high bar .... what's more important the two of you being together or having a $500,000 property? The two of you being happy is being together .... does that require a $500,000 property to do that? I would hope not. Happiness isn't found in physical things .. it's found in God and each other.

 

[anetazo]

Hello sister.

Nothing wrong with marriage. As Christian people. Dont burn in Lust. Documentation, Corinthians chapter 7 .

Try section 236 or 639 rent.

Look into these two programs.

 

[linux.poet]

Both of you are living somewhere now, with two places. How would getting married and living in one place cost so much more?

well evidentially the both of you are able to live separately now ... both of you are employed ... $500,000 for a house is a pretty high bar .... what's more important the two of you being together or having a $500,000 property? The two of you being happy is being together .... does that require a $500,000 property to do that? I would hope not. Happiness isn't found in physical things .. it's found in God and each other.

Right now I'm living in a house that my abusive father owns with my confused and unsupportive brother rent-free, and he's renting a room from an abusive landlord that opens his mail and won't even let him use the kitchen in the house. Neither is a safe option for this marriage.

While we both can afford our own expenses now in our own decrepit living situations, our combined income isn't enough for both apartment rent and our own expenses. Apartment rent for a two bedroom apartment here is between $2000 - $3000 a month. A room rental is $500 a month. A one bedroom apartment is almost no better, at $1,700/month for the lowest listing, and then we have to be careful to check the mailbox security because we don't want the landlord snooping our mail (AGAIN). I'd honestly feel better owning a house with a mailbox that only me and my husband-to-be have the key to.

As a reference point, the 2-bedroom/1-bedroom decision also has to factor in my need of an office to work, and my boyfriend is paying $160 in self-storage fees a month. If we can't fit my office and his stuff in there, we're looking at an additional $660/month in outflows, plus the gas and inconvenience of driving to the office to work and the storage units to get things.

So living separated is $660/month since my rent in helltown is free, while living together is $2000-$3000/month. I think that is psychological manipulation from my abusive father to stop me from getting married to make the numbers run that way, but they do. Said abusive father just wants to keep me in poverty. He also likes to threaten eviction against me to push me around too. It's all a sickening, messed up game and I want out of it.

As for the rest of the problems said abusive father has caused, the mental health issues, the temptations to want the wrong person, the educational hassles, the financial opposition, all of that has been addressed. I have sought counsel regarding the relationship with my boyfriend and I will continue to seek counsel. At this point, it looks to be healthy, and both of us badly need a healthy relationship in our lives. I'm confident that can only help. Healing doesn't happen in isolation. Wounds need air to heal.

Eloping is underrated. Still with a minister of course, but a tiny thing that gets you going. Many Mexicans do not get married because they are expected to have a HUGE wedding that they cannot afford. They should have tiny weddings so they can live as married instead of as if married. Weddings are overall just too much, too expensive, too gaudy, too much about one day and not enough about the coming decades.

We will need a proper marriage license with the state in order to legally protect our property and our children from our respective families of origin. His family is unbelievers who have opposed his faith. Neither of us wants our houses or cars to go to our parents or kin should one of us die unexpectedly, for example. We want that to go to each other and to our children. There are other legal things like visitation rights and medical powers of attorney that are best cleared up with that license. It's non-negotiable here.

Aside from that, neither of us wants a huge wedding, just a small gathering with some friends of ours and the pastor at our church. I want to sew a wedding dress from thrift store garments, and he wants a cake and keeps trying to size me for rings. We'll figure that out.

Hello sister.

Nothing wrong with marriage. As Christian people. Dont burn in Lust. Documentation, Corinthians chapter 7 .

Try section 236 or 639 rent.

Look into these two programs.

Trying to find information on online for these two programs is basically impossible. The Housing and Urban Development Website seems more interested in talking up the legal details of their programs rather than answering basic questions about what these programs entail, who qualifies for them, and rental prices for the units under each program. This is poor web design to the nth degree.

I got out the resource locator, and it doesn't even have the number of available units, just units total, and no prices. In the age of Apartments.com and LoopNet that break down prices for exact units, this is unacceptable. I'm just going to trust what my boyfriend said when he said the section 8 requires formal employment, and sections 236 and 639, as far as I can tell in the mess of incomprehensible government legalese, are just sub-sections of section 8.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Right now I'm living in a house that my abusive father owns ....

Thank you for the long reply. It makes sense. It is a financial pickle.

Good that you have gotten some counseling. Maybe more as needed.

Eloping I only advocate with licence and with minister to marry you in a small to tiny service. So please take my comments as not just hopping the fence without marriage, but as a tiny wedding instead of a financial juggernaut wedding. I at least appreciate your desires to be chaste.

Not much I can actually do from here, but I pray some better options open up. I have also enjoyed your posts on computer issues. And Linux even! I'm looking at OpenBSD right now while using a Linux desktop.

 

[linux.poet]

Another way to break it down could be for us to buy land and build a house, but that costs about $160K for buildable land in the area. I have contacts in the world of building permits, access to wood, etc. Once you have land, there are all kinds of ways to leverage it to complete the building project, but we'd be waiting for 6 months.

We could try moving to another state, but all of our work and business contacts are here. I'm not sure we can leave them behind just yet without taking heavy financial losses. And the long move isn't free.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Another way to break it down could be for us to buy land and build a house, but that costs about $160K for buildable land in the area. I have contacts in the world of building permits, access to wood, etc. Once you have land, there are all kinds of ways to leverage it to complete the building project, but we'd be waiting for 6 months.

We could try moving to another state, but all of our work and business contacts are here. I'm not sure we can leave them behind just yet without taking heavy financial losses. And the long move isn't free.

I moved 3.5 years ago. It is a chore. New friends. New church. New grocery store. New ways of doing things. I never want to move again. My work contacts were national more than local so that only involved changing my zip code to get the same work. But if your work is local that could be a show-stopper.

I appreciate that you are thinking through all sorts of options. Praying that things break your way soon.

 

[com7fy8]

If you belong with your boyfriend, you can pray until God has you in agreement in His peace, about what to do.

 

[anetazo]

Right now I'm living in a house that my abusive father owns with my confused and unsupportive brother rent-free, and he's renting a room from an abusive landlord that opens his mail and won't even let him use the kitchen in the house. Neither is a safe option for this marriage.

While we both can afford our own expenses now in our own decrepit living situations, our combined income isn't enough for both apartment rent and our own expenses. Apartment rent for a two bedroom apartment here is between $2000 - $3000 a month. A room rental is $500 a month. A one bedroom apartment is almost no better, at $1,700/month for the lowest listing, and then we have to be careful to check the mailbox security because we don't want the landlord snooping our mail (AGAIN). I'd honestly feel better owning a house with a mailbox that only me and my husband-to-be have the key to.

As a reference point, the 2-bedroom/1-bedroom decision also has to factor in my need of an office to work, and my boyfriend is paying $160 in self-storage fees a month. If we can't fit my office and his stuff in there, we're looking at an additional $660/month in outflows, plus the gas and inconvenience of driving to the office to work and the storage units to get things.

So living separated is $660/month since my rent in helltown is free, while living together is $2000-$3000/month. I think that is psychological manipulation from my abusive father to stop me from getting married to make the numbers run that way, but they do. Said abusive father just wants to keep me in poverty. He also likes to threaten eviction against me to push me around too. It's all a sickening, messed up game and I want out of it.

As for the rest of the problems said abusive father has caused, the mental health issues, the temptations to want the wrong person, the educational hassles, the financial opposition, all of that has been addressed. I have sought counsel regarding the relationship with my boyfriend and I will continue to seek counsel. At this point, it looks to be healthy, and both of us badly need a healthy relationship in our lives. I'm confident that can only help. Healing doesn't happen in isolation. Wounds need air to heal.


We will need a proper marriage license with the state in order to legally protect our property and our children from our respective families of origin. His family is unbelievers who have opposed his faith. Neither of us wants our houses or cars to go to our parents or kin should one of us die unexpectedly, for example. We want that to go to each other and to our children. There are other legal things like visitation rights and medical powers of attorney that are best cleared up with that license. It's non-negotiable here.

Aside from that, neither of us wants a huge wedding, just a small gathering with some friends of ours and the pastor at our church. I want to sew a wedding dress from thrift store garments, and he wants a cake and keeps trying to size me for rings. We'll figure that out.


Trying to find information on online for these two programs is basically impossible. The Housing and Urban Development Website seems more interested in talking up the legal details of their programs rather than answering basic questions about what these programs entail, who qualifies for them, and rental prices for the units under each program. This is poor web design to the nth degree.

I got out the resource locator, and it doesn't even have the number of available units, just units total, and no prices. In the age of Apartments.com and LoopNet that break down prices for exact units, this is unacceptable. I'm just going to trust what my boyfriend said when he said the section 8 requires formal employment, and sections 236 and 639, as far as I can tell in the mess of incomprehensible government legalese, are just sub-sections of section 8.

Section 811 and 202 is for disability. If you have medical documentation, you can prove it. Just call hud and ask them about it.

Low income housing is 31,000 to least 42, 000 . This is affordable housing. I'm not expert on this. Again. Call hud and ask them about it.

There are apartments for rent at $700. Depending what state you live in. Utilities are usually included. Do Google search on apartments, and get the phone number. Call the landlord.

Security deposit is the same as the rent.

I tried to help you.

Also, a case manager can help you. Mental health services have case manager. You must have medical insurance. If you don't have medical insurance. Go to social services and talk to them.

Community services have social workers. And mental health services.

I had case worker who helped me out. Make some phone calls. You need case worker.

You must get medical insurance, if you dont have it. Again. Go to social services. Talk to them.

And case worker can help you navigate to get a apartment.

Do some Google searches and make phone calls.

Take care.