There are a lot of reasons why a person who has been sexually abused engages in masturbation. It is common and probably a lot more common than we know about. One of the reasons in the past I struggled with it was two-fold: a) it allowed me to explore my sexuality in a way that felt non-threatening (even though I was often plagued with guilty feelings after-the-fact) and b) it gave me a sense of control.
I have known many other women who went through sexual abuse as a child or teen and I found that most of them struggled with this same issue - although for many different reasons. Sometimes they would even say that they felt like they were "reliving what had happened" ...thus using masturbation as self-abuse. It sounds odd, but sometimes when a person has endured repeated abuse, even when it stops, they feel compelled and confused...so they turn to something.
The bottom line is this. God loves us just as we are - flawed and all. He sees it all and loves us in spite of our actions. This doesn't mean that He approves, but it means that His love for us is unwavering and endless.
I believe that God understands us better than we understand ourselves. He not only sees our weaknesses, but He sees our needs.
I would best compare it in this way: Imagine that as a child - someone you trusted forced you to use drugs - over and over again. At first, you don't even know if it is right or wrong. As you mature, you begin to understand that it is wrong. But, along the way - those drugs, the people involved with you - have begun to define you - or at least who you THINK you are. Left with the realization that this is not a good lifestyle - you decide to quit the habit.
Is that the end of it? No long-term effects? Of course that's not the case! There would be the physical withdrawal, the psychological and emotional aspects, redefining our lives, lifestyle modifications - etc.
Honestly, just because the abuse stops doesn't mean that everything is instantly better. It doesn't generally work that way. Just as abuse has many facets to it, so does our recovery.
God understands all of that. And I believe that just because we've asked for forgiveness and given ourselves to Jesus, we still have to work through a lot of things. That is why knowing that God doesn't give up on us - and that He TRULY understands us and what's really behind some of our choices - is important.
My advice to you is this: Ask God to help you with this area of your life. It is hard work and you will be tempted (probably many times over) - but know that God can and will help you. And should you fall along the way - know that God STILL isn't giving up on you. He simply looks at us and says "my child has stumbled" then reaches out His loving hands and helps us get up again. It may help for you to get honest with yourself about what specifically motivates you to engage in this act. Identify what thought processes and emotions are involved in it. Doing so will help you to identify your specific triggers so that you can learn to recognize them as the urge is coming on - and will enable you then to reach out and ask for God's help at those times.
Sorry for the long rant....I hope it helps! Just remember: God loves us just as we are - exactly where we are - and that will NEVER change!
