My bf has a problem with communication

[Leanna]

Briseis, It sounds very nice that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I agree with the previous poster who said to give him some time and talk about "normal" things for a while. However, I do not agree with the people who said "he said it, its done, move on" If you have been dating for 3 years and you are 21, what is he waiting for? The apocalypse? A shining sign from heaven? I would give him some time, and then find a casual way to ask when he wants to get married. If the answer is "not anytime soon" oohhhhh the red flags are a flying.... and I definitely disagree with people who said that you crying was ridiculous. I would have cried too, it hurts when something is important to you and your significant other is not connecting with you. Intimate relationships are all about connection and when it feels severed in some way it hurts.

 

[Alenci]

Whoa! Take three giant steps backward!

Not wanting to discuss marriage on one ocassion does not "a problem with communication" make.

In order for two people to talk about a subject, both parties have to be willing to talk about it at the same time. You want to talk about it - he did not. Do you always want to discuss everything he does at the same time he does?

Further, what did you want to talk about? He has said he wants to be married to you some day, too. Not any time soon. Agreement. So, what aspect of getting married sometime in the future had to be discussed right then?

You took the words right out of my mouth. You don't know his motives. Perhaps he does want to spend the rest of his life with you, but he doesn't feel ready to get married yet. Or perhaps he came off as more confident about it than he felt and was embarrassed later; it could have put him between a rock and a hard place if he didn't want to go back on his words, but didn't want to imply any more commitment.

Or perhaps he just wasn't in a good mood!

Just give him some time and some space, and try to figure out when he'd be most receptive to talking about it... or better yet, just drop the subject, and let him be the one to bring it up if he wants to talk.

 

[Briseis]

Its not the crying thats rediculous. If you read my post, I mentioned that crying is OK.. its the manipulative behavior (yes, I'm calling it that) that comes AFTER or DURING crying that is a problem.

Women do it *all* the time.. thats whats terrible.

~ ~

Manipulative is not the right word. Can we just end this discussion now?

 

[Briseis]

Sorry, faerieeva, if I sounded upset. It was not your fault.

 

[sunshinejennii]

Manipulative is not the right word. Can we just end this discussion now?

Yep just find a mod to shut it. Please realise that though that no-one is saying YOU are manipulative, but that you're behaviour could be, most of things we as people do is done with intent of influence, so thosecomments are not singling you out. Obviously it's more difficult to handle potential criticism when it's a sensitive subject, but why be upset over a word, these are not ladies you even know, it is a person choose to take certain things to heart.

Any mods around-I think the OP would like this shut!

 

[Briseis]

Well, I didnt really tell the story accurately, I took shortcuts that I didnt think would effect ppls evaluation of the situation, but they did. That is why I dont like being called manipulative, because the situation was accidentally misunderstood. Not because I am deeply affected by what strangers think. There is no need to retell the story though because this has been over analysed and I am ok with it all now anyways. So I guess there is no real need for this to be shut down, since I think everyone is done.

 

[Inperfected]

Hey sweety..

Have a go at talking when you both are in, say receptive moods, and do your best not to cry. Reason I say this, is cos guys don't seem to get the crying thing. Think about things to talk about that won't lead to a discussion about marriage then remember them, and solowly bring them into conversations.

I'm sorry I can't really give ideas to talk about as me and my fiance got engaged so quickly, and we'd been talking about theories on marriage, life, kids, family, god, and everything else for years before.

 

[Leanna]

You know what? I didn't call you manipulative, and yet I was ignored. I guess you weren't really looking for help?

 

[Briseis]

You know what? I didn't call you manipulative, and yet I was ignored. I guess you weren't really looking for help?

I was and you did really help Leanna. Your words stuck in my mind. But I didnt want to single someone out and make it seem like no one else helped.

I did give him some time, then I called him like normal, and he was cheery as normal and we made our plans for tomorrow. So all is well now, . Thank you.

 

[Leanna]

Oh. Sorry. I have PMS.