My 3rd marriage.....

[queenanne]

Hi all,

I'm so happy to have found this site! I have so many questions and so many thoughts swimming around in my mind, I barely know where to start.

The many sites I have searched always remark on a persons 2nd marriage, I have not seen one where a person has been twice divorced. My 1st marriage was for 7yrs and I was miserable for the most of it. My 2nd marriage lasted only a year, after the discovery my ex's violent nature. I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and 1 from my second. My son from my 2nd marriage has no contact with his father, his fathers choice, and thinks of my fiance as his father, though does not call him dad.

My fiance and I have been dating for almost 2 years, engaged for over a year and planning to wed in July 2008. I love and cherish this man and want, more than anything, to look after him, love him and respect him for the rest of my life.

A few months ago, God found me! I didn't think I was looking for him, but maybe in some way I was and He gave me a nudge. Over these months I have asked Him for guidance, mainly with negative feelings of envy and anger towards a person. He sent me signs and showed me the path to follow and with His help, I have almost banished those feelings.

My 1st and 2nd marriages were registery office ceremonies. In my mind, marriages in the eyes of the law alone. I didn't feel a need as I do now. A need for my marriage to be in front of God and be blessed by Him.

How can I do this though? I don't consider myself a sinner, though I am not without sin, but many will. How can someone be twice divorced yet marry in church? This may sound conceited, but in my heart, it's as though God wants to bless this marriage (I hope that makes sense). I have learnt much from the mistakes of my past and I know that, with God's guidance, I will not make them again.

I do hope I havn't gone off on one and bored you!

Any advice or comments will be generously received.

Thanks, Helen

 

[heartnsoul]

I have learnt much from the mistakes of my past and I know that, with God's guidance, I will not make them again.

Hello Helen,
Thank you for being honest and sharing your life with all of us. As long as you have learned the lesson(s) that needed to be learned and you are 100% committed to God now, then that is the most important thing. I am glad to hear that you are now with a man who you completely love. I hope both of you take your time and strengthen your walk with God before getting married. So many marriages are rushed into when the partners are not spiritually mature yet or they are unequally yoked. Therefore, so many marriages end up suffering and struggling. Be patient and make sure God is at the center of your relationship. With God at the center of your relationship, your marriage will be a blessed one.

Don't feel bad that you have been married multiple times. Some people after multiple marriages are still making the same mistakes over and over again without realizing what lesson(s) need to be learned. Give yourself credit and be thankful that you learned a lot and that you are now committed totally to God. The end result is what matters. May you and your boyfriend continue growing closer to God and may your faithfulness bring you lots of happiness and blessings for both of you!

 

[charligirl]

Hello Helen, welcome to CF!

I'll try and tackle some of this, from what you are saying you ave only recently become a christian, as in after both of your divorces? If that is the case then personally I don't think there is any issue with marrying again, the commands in the bible about divorce were to believers not to the unsaved. When you get saved and give your life to Jesus He cleanses you and forgives you of all sin, you become a new creation and old things pass away. Your first two divorces would come into that old life.

You say the first 2 marriages were 'law' marriages only, that is not strictly true. God tells us to abide by the laws of the land we live in, if you are married in the eyes of the law, you are married in the eyes of God also, however, as I have already said, you were not saved then and so the mistakes of marriage and the sin of divorce was wiped clean when you got born again.

There is another question in my mind which you may want to pray about and consider. Is your fiance a christian also? God calls us to be 'equally yoked' in our partnerships and you will find many stories and testimonies on this board of people who are in marriages with non believers - they can be heartwrending to read, because although you are joined in body and emotionally you cannot be joined spiritually and we are spiritual beings. When you gave your life to Jesus the Holy Spirit came to live in you, if your fiance does not have that then it will be very hard.

It's great to hear that God is healing you and moving you on into forgiveness - I have no idea how long you had between your last marriage and meeting your current partner but I would also flag up that there may need to be more healing and unravelling of past and emotions before you are ready to marry again - trying not to be too blunt ( and remembering these are only comments based on very little knowledge) you don't seem to have made good choices in men the first two times, this can result from poor self image and negative pasts. Women often continually choose men who are violent or harsh without even realising their choices until it is too late. You need to take the time to let God sufficiently heal you so love yourself enough to ensure you are making the right choice this time.

I hope that helps, I will pray it all works out and that God's will is done in your life

 

[queenanne]

Hello again,

To answer your question,

There is another question in my mind which you may want to pray about and consider. Is your fiance a christian also? God calls us to be 'equally yoked' in our partnerships and you will find many stories and testimonies on this board of people who are in marriages with non believers - they can be heartwrending to read, because although you are joined in body and emotionally you cannot be joined spiritually and we are spiritual beings. When you gave your life to Jesus the Holy Spirit came to live in you, if your fiance does not have that then it will be very hard.


yes, my fiance is a christian also. Our faith and knowledge of Jesus is growing as we learn together. We don't have a lot of time though as we have 5 kids and 12 animals! But we grab the time we can. And yes I did make very poor choices. When I read your remark, it was as if you knew me. There was a 2 year gap between my divorce and meeting my fiance, so I feel that I had plenty of time on my own and was able to think clearly about my mistakes.

I hardly ever mull over my past anymore, though I do still regret it and find it hard to forgive myself. I do think I need to do this and get past the feeling that I am not worthy, as I will always find it hard to believe that God has forgiven me.

We are not rushing in to marriage, just taking everyday as it comes and letting God guide us.

May God bless you

Helen

 

[Svt4Him]

There is no one in church who is good enough to be there, apart from God's grace. God gives that grace to all His children, and He gives you the right to call Him father. What father would not welcome their child into their house? Unless called to never marry, which obviously you aren't, God does desire you not to be alone.