Moving on too quickly?

[DadTimesTwo]

I'm confused...

My fiance died just over a week ago after a long battle with cancer. She suffered and endured many things before her life ended at an all-too-young 39. We were close and meant the world to each other. Her death was expected -- but it was still devastating. Our lives were consumed with caring for her (and we wouldn't have done it any other way).

Now it's a week later. And I'm wondering what's wrong with me. I've felt almost normal today. The intense pain of her loss seems to be gone. I can get through the day without breaking down and feeling like I'd welcome death. I miss her -- but a new life seems to be taking shape around me.

I've been through a lot of whiplash inducing emotions during the last week -- from struggling to hold on to my faith...to agonizing over what she suffered through...to great sadness over losing her...to feeling lost and confused and off-balance...(she was my center for so long)...to feeling free because of the difficulty of caring for her during her final weeks...to feeling guilty for feeling free...to being desperate for her...to being glad God ended her suffering and took her home...to feeling guilty for not taking better care of her...(wishing I'd done more)...to feeling like nothing at all happened...

Last night her mom (with whom my fiance lived almost her entire life) had a terrible time. She was going throughout her house crying out for her daughter. And here I am feeling almost normal. I've found myself wanting to hold on to the grief because I felt it was all I had left of her... and now it's gone. I love her with all my heart... I miss her... Why am I feeling almost normal? There are still moments...but they're not as intense. Others around me are still struggling with deep grief. Why aren't I?

 

[SunMessenger]

I have had similar feelings. God has given you a gift of strength. You must use this to help those near that are not so strong. Your spirit is needed for this mighty task. When all is said and done your grief will come quietly and quickly. There is nothing wrong with you . Do Not Feel Guilt. Feel Love for The Holy Spirit that has descended and given you this wonderful strength to know that all will be fine. Your spirits will indeed be reunited someday. God Bless You...

 

[bfly]

I'm confused...

My fiance died just over a week ago after a long battle with cancer. She suffered

and endured many things before her life ended at an all-too-young 39. We were

close and meant the world to each other. Her death was expected -- but it was

still devastating. Our lives were consumed with caring for her (and we wouldn't

have done it any other way).

Now it's a week later. And I'm wondering what's wrong with me. I've felt almost

normal today. The intense pain of her loss seems to be gone. I can get through the

day without breaking down and feeling like I'd welcome death. I miss her -- but a

new life seems to be taking shape around me.

I've been through a lot of whiplash inducing emotions during the last week -- from

struggling to hold on to my faith...to agonizing over what she suffered through...to

great sadness over losing her...to feeling lost and confused and off-balance...(she

was my center for so long)...to feeling free because of the difficulty of caring for

her during her final weeks...to feeling guilty for feeling free...to being desperate for

her...to being glad God ended her suffering and took her home...to feeling guilty for

not taking better care of her...(wishing I'd done more)...to feeling like nothing at all

happened...

Last night her mom (with whom my fiance lived almost her entire life) had a terrible

time. She was going throughout her house crying out for her daughter. And here I

am feeling almost normal. I've found myself wanting to hold on to the grief because

I felt it was all I had left of her... and now it's gone. I love her with all my heart... I

miss her... Why am I feeling almost normal? There are still moments...but they're

not as intense. Others around me are still struggling with deep grief. Why aren't I?

I think maybe you are in a cycle. You will most likely have ups and downs and in

betweens. Give yourself time to mourn. You have had a deep lost. If you feel better

today that is wonderful, nothing to be ashamed of. Tomorrow may be good or

maybe bad but time is most certainly needed. You will find your mind asking all kinds

of if questions. When things like this happens there is no acceptable answer. So,

each day you will tell yourself, "I don't know why." But, I have got to regain some

kind of simplicity of life and move forward. A part of you has moved on. Take the

part that is left and start to rebuild day by day. Taking time to mourn when it is

needed. It will be harder because of your friendship with her mom but also it will be

a blessing because both of you knew her and loved her and both of you will always

have a part of her with you. Her soul is with God and her heart is with you. Make

her proud and make each day counts. Your tears will soak your pillow for a time to

come but just when you think you can't go on something will capture your attention

and you will realize you have gone almost a day, a week, and in time each section

of your life will began to rebuild and you will be strong again. But time it will take for you and her mom.

You will find many people here to support you and talk with you or listen to you.

God will never leave you. I know right now you really wonder, but He will be there

when you call on Him. God bless


Hello and Welcome

We are so proud to have you join our family.
May your time here be spent well and you find all your answers.
Please come often and invite all your friends.
Your will find the most wonderful refreshments provided free.
I pray your cup will be full and running over with:
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and may the
Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ
be with your spirit.

 

[Nachtjager]

First off, sorry for your loss, it's terrible when someone so young is taken from us. I recently had two deaths in my immediate family, one was expected, the other was completely unexpected, sudden, and violent. I have some days where I make it through without any grief and others where it seems overwhelming. I admit, in the case where we expected the death, it has been much easier to deal with because we had time to spiritually and mentally prepare ourselves. In the other, it was like having a rug yanked out from under us and my family's having good days and bad dealing with it. I suppose I'm trying to say, don't look for grief, don't hunger for it or feel guilty for not having it at times. It's obvious you loved her, and as others will tell you, these things seem to come in waves, sometimes it will get to you, sometimes it won't. The same will happen with her family. Embrace them and try to help when you can, then they can help you when you'll need it. Moving on with your life after something like that will be entirely up to you; only you will know when you're spiritually and mentally prepared to do so, it's different for everyone. The fascinating thing about death, as macabre as this may sound, is something I told my daughter. Isn't it fascinating that although someone is dead we don't stop loving them? I think that's a sure sign that God is real if nothing else is. Love doesn't die, or end at a grave, it endures even when we wish it wouldn't sometimes because it can be painful. It's a gift and a curse at times. Hang onto the memories of your lovely one, move on when God empowers you to, and be patient with those around you, everybody heals differently. Take care, God bless, and will be prayin' for you.

 

[mare61]

I am in the same quandry. My husband of 25 years passed last month of brain cancer. We cared for him like an infant for almost 2 years. The disease progressed at the end, until we were begging God to take him.

I feel total peace now. I'm not a cold woman. I loved my husband. Perhaps it's because we've greived for so long...I don't know. I feel like the cancer had a hold on the entire family. It overwhelmed us. We were so very tired. God, in his wisdom, released our entire family from cancer.

I'm ready to go camping, play cards with friends, go to all my kids baseball games, and just enjoy every moment of my day.

Blessings, Mare