Moving Back Home & Depression

[Lexie Grey]

I started college like most of my high school peers did. I moved right out of the house, into the dorms, and into a very competitive premed major. I broke up with my high school boyfriend, I found a new college one, and lived how I thought most college students did. However, in this process, I became very depressed. I lost 20 pounds, I broke out in horrible stress acne, I slept an average of four hours every night. I relied entirely on my boyfriend, and had to get on a heavy dose of antidepressants. I began to fail my tests, I had to switch roommates due to excessive bullying, I hated my life. I told myself that next year, I'd live on campus and stay in my major for one more semester, and if I still wasn't happy, I'd reevaluate my life.

I am now a second year, at the end of the fall semester, even more depressed than I started. I'm on a different anti depressant as well as anxiety medication, and I'm continuing the relationship with the boy I met last year, after having broken up with him over the summer. I returned to school and was so sad, and so lonely, I felt little to no choice but to just go back to him. I'm failing my classes, and go home at any chance I get. I miss being happy, I don't remember what it's like to be happy.

Over thanksgiving break I had multiple serious talks with my parents about moving back home. I have always been a family oriented person, and believe that moving back home and commuting to school, as well as changing to a nursing major, might be the changes I need to feel happy again and recover. However, I feel like I need more input and advice about whether this is the right choice for me. Will this stunt me in becoming an adult? I know my roommate and boyfriend will tell me that living on my own and at school is imperative to growing up, as I've had this discussion with them multiple times. But I'm so sad, and so lonely, and feel so much anxiety every time I have to go back to the dorms after being home. I miss my sister and my mother, and living in a quiet space without the expectation of the social life of the dorms. I'm afraid of disappointing my roommate and my boyfriend, but I have to live for myself, and the way I'm continuing to live isn't sustainable.

What should I do? Any prayer or advice is always appreciated, thank you so much.

 

[Samaritan Woman]

It sounds the whole dorm and premed thing is a poor fit for you which has nothing to do with maturity or becoming an adult. When a living situation is inducing such severe depression and anxiety that medication is necessary, that's a sign that you're trying to a "round circle into a square hole" so to speak. Not to mention being reliant on your boyfriend and emotionally needy is the opposite of character development. Attending college (though I dropped out before attaining a bachelors) never did a thing with me becoming a mature woman, but rather life in general and the trials that come with it did. Allow yourself to pick the living and school conditions that foster your strengths.

 

[JosephZ]

What should I do?

It seems the answer to your question can be found at the end of the third paragraph of your post.

Since the current way you are living isn't sustainable, you have to live for yourself, even if it means disappointing your roommate and boyfriend.

Just ignore the verse found in my signature below as it is not applicable in this type of situation.

 

[Tolworth John]

What should I do

Talk to your tutor and to your parents.
Is it practical to commute from home to college every day and still be able to attend your classes, do your asigned work, reading/research and get enough sleep?

Do also talk to your doctor about your depression and the medication.
If the course work is demanding I would suggest giving up on a social life and concentrate on passing your exams.

 

[usexpat97]

The stress, the sleep, and the loneliness are all normal. There was no hour in the 24-hour day when I was any more or less likely to be asleep than any other. I had classmates who were suicidal (although that is a bit much). I found the loneliness suffocating, and it hurt my grades. I was running towards whatever social circles I could find, and sometimes the time I spent doing that was taken away from studying. I went to the doctor for GI problems, and he wanted to do an endoscopy, which I declined. But once my emotional needs got met, I was doing better in school. The good side is, my social life was never better than in college, and the stress turned out to be a temporary thing. And--college turned out to educate me in life; not just in academics. I had to go out and meet my own emotional needs, instead of having a family do it for me. Later, as my family role transformed into the provider--instead of the provided--I needed that skill.

If academics are the priority and you are able to pursue pre-med (at least short-term) from home, then maybe that is the right call. But learning about living is important, too. Hindsight 20/20, I probably would have chosen a different undergrad school, but I wouldn't take back my college life. And I was legally a minor when I moved out from home.

 

[Christgirl67]

I started college like most of my high school peers did. I moved right out of the house, into the dorms, and into a very competitive premed major. I broke up with my high school boyfriend, I found a new college one, and lived how I thought most college students did. However, in this process, I became very depressed. I lost 20 pounds, I broke out in horrible stress acne, I slept an average of four hours every night. I relied entirely on my boyfriend, and had to get on a heavy dose of antidepressants. I began to fail my tests, I had to switch roommates due to excessive bullying, I hated my life. I told myself that next year, I'd live on campus and stay in my major for one more semester, and if I still wasn't happy, I'd reevaluate my life.

I am now a second year, at the end of the fall semester, even more depressed than I started. I'm on a different anti depressant as well as anxiety medication, and I'm continuing the relationship with the boy I met last year, after having broken up with him over the summer. I returned to school and was so sad, and so lonely, I felt little to no choice but to just go back to him. I'm failing my classes, and go home at any chance I get. I miss being happy, I don't remember what it's like to be happy.

Over thanksgiving break I had multiple serious talks with my parents about moving back home. I have always been a family oriented person, and believe that moving back home and commuting to school, as well as changing to a nursing major, might be the changes I need to feel happy again and recover. However, I feel like I need more input and advice about whether this is the right choice for me. Will this stunt me in becoming an adult? I know my roommate and boyfriend will tell me that living on my own and at school is imperative to growing up, as I've had this discussion with them multiple times. But I'm so sad, and so lonely, and feel so much anxiety every time I have to go back to the dorms after being home. I miss my sister and my mother, and living in a quiet space without the expectation of the social life of the dorms. I'm afraid of disappointing my roommate and my boyfriend, but I have to live for myself, and the way I'm continuing to live isn't sustainable.

What should I do? Any prayer or advice is always appreciated, thank you so much.

I think its ok to move back home.It can be hard to adjust being a college and being away from your family.Having a support system in college os very important,and moving back home may be what you need.Living on your own is important,but everyone has a level of comfort,and you should only live in the dorms if you like it.College can be overwhelming,so I think if you really want to,you should move back home until you are ready to leave.

 

[BrokenSpirit88]

I don't think you should feel bad about moving back home. Too many youths these days are in a hurry to 'grow up' and be more mature and are often times misled into thinking that just because they move out on their own or do some other thing that is commonly connected with being an adult that it means they've suddenly graduated into adulthood. But being an adult is about being responsible and making the choice to be in an environment where you know you'll have the support and comfort needed for you to face the world with full strength is responsible. Don't be afraid to go home, if your roommates and boyfriend really care for you, they will understand and respect your choice and support you no matter what.

As far as your major, I understand how you feel. Its very hard to figure out what you're supposed to do with the rest of the your life. Maybe examine your reasoning for going into medicine, are you passionate about it? Or is this just something you've chose because it's a 'stable' career and it seems like a smart choice?

I hope this helps

 

[SleepingAtLast]

I started college like most of my high school peers did. I moved right out of the house, into the dorms, and into a very competitive premed major. I broke up with my high school boyfriend, I found a new college one, and lived how I thought most college students did. However, in this process, I became very depressed. I lost 20 pounds, I broke out in horrible stress acne, I slept an average of four hours every night. I relied entirely on my boyfriend, and had to get on a heavy dose of antidepressants. I began to fail my tests, I had to switch roommates due to excessive bullying, I hated my life. I told myself that next year, I'd live on campus and stay in my major for one more semester, and if I still wasn't happy, I'd reevaluate my life.

I am now a second year, at the end of the fall semester, even more depressed than I started. I'm on a different anti depressant as well as anxiety medication, and I'm continuing the relationship with the boy I met last year, after having broken up with him over the summer. I returned to school and was so sad, and so lonely, I felt little to no choice but to just go back to him. I'm failing my classes, and go home at any chance I get. I miss being happy, I don't remember what it's like to be happy.

Over thanksgiving break I had multiple serious talks with my parents about moving back home. I have always been a family oriented person, and believe that moving back home and commuting to school, as well as changing to a nursing major, might be the changes I need to feel happy again and recover. However, I feel like I need more input and advice about whether this is the right choice for me. Will this stunt me in becoming an adult? I know my roommate and boyfriend will tell me that living on my own and at school is imperative to growing up, as I've had this discussion with them multiple times. But I'm so sad, and so lonely, and feel so much anxiety every time I have to go back to the dorms after being home. I miss my sister and my mother, and living in a quiet space without the expectation of the social life of the dorms. I'm afraid of disappointing my roommate and my boyfriend, but I have to live for myself, and the way I'm continuing to live isn't sustainable.

What should I do? Any prayer or advice is always appreciated, thank you so much.

The first and most important thing is that you are healthy, and you are so right that you really need a change in order to make that happen. Moving back home won't stunt you in becoming an adult, and if anything it is cheaper. You should do whatever you need to do to restore some balance into your life. Take fewer credit hours, exercise, do things you find fun, rest intentionally, etc. I work seven days a week and I have to be very intentional about balance and rest in order to sustain that type of schedule and not but myself out. There will come a point where you are ready to move out again, but if you feel moving home is what you need right now, by all means do that. It is also important that you make decisions based on your needs and not in the interest of pleasing other people like your roommate and boyfriend.