Mothers who admit regretting having children

[Sir Robbins]

I read this earlier today.... Can you imagine being a child of one of these women and knowing this is how they feel? I understand the world is becoming more and more selfish by the day but this is likely one of the lowest blows a parent (whether father or mother) can state.

Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They'd Never Had Children

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

My mom constantly tells me she wishes she had went ahead with the abortion. I don't think this is as rare as one would think.

 

[archer75]

Yeah. A lot of women say this sort of thing openly to their kids. Either just in anger or regularly.

 

[Radrook]

Gee! I was under the impression it was rare and that my mom and my former wife were rare exceptions. Guess I was wrong.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Gee! I was under the impression it was rare and that my mom and my former wife were rare exceptions. Guess I was wrong.

I would be more surprised, at least now, if a women goes through life and never says these things. It's gotta be tempting for most woman to use the most vicious thing they can say to a child who has angered them.

 

[Sir Robbins]

many of my female colleagues who are late 20s and early 30s had their tubes tied... it's a road they won't go down...

 

[Benam]

My ex-wife and I have two kids. She never wanted the second and never really bonded with him. Within a week of having him she was back at work and I worked from home to be with him. One of the first things she said when she found out she was pregnant was "ugh, another 18 years" (meaning she would be "stuck" that much longer without her "freedom"). When he was two we moved and the situation reversed: I was at work all day and she was home with him. All she did was plop him in front of the TV, never really did anything with him.

When she finally left for some guy she met online, she took our oldest (14 at the time) out to say goodbye, and when she dropped him off I asked if she would come in and say goodbye to the youngest. She came in, told him she was going away. He (4 at the time) said "are you coming back?". She just shrugged and walked out of the house. Didn't hug him, showed no emotion at all. She left town for a few years.

She eventually moved back to town with her new husband. She would come by and take out our eldest son to spend time with him, but never came to the door and was never really interested in the youngest. He would watch from his bedroom window as his big brother walked down the street and got in her car.

Sine then she's had two boys with her new husband. So my son (now 15) knows that she wanted his big brother, and has two other children that he's never met, but she didn't want him specifically.

This has done a tremendous amount of damage to him, as you can imagine.

He certainly doesn't trust any "mother figures", including his step-mother. And I fear that this has negatively shaped his feelings towards women in general. He has cried about not having a mother (as recently as this year, in fact). He's angry all the time, his self-esteem is extremely low.

It's bad enough for any parent to ever say "I never wanted you". Even if it's something they don't really mean, said in the heat of anger, it's one of the most horrible things you can do. But it's worse to actually mean it and demonstrate it by far.

 

[Poppyseed78]

My mom said this to me on numerous occasions when I was little, about 5 or 6 years old. I remember it very clearly. She claims not to remember saying it.

I think every parent has moments of frustration where they might think it, but saying it is really hurtful. It leaves lasting scars. Parenting is hard work in the best of circumstances.

 

[JAM2b]

Speaking as someone who LOVES my sons and grew up expecting to have more children than I was actually able to, regretting the fact that I only had two...

I'm wondering if y'all read the article. It's not about women telling their young children they wish they didn't have them. It's about women who are not naturally nurturing people admitting that they were not good candidates for becoming a mother. They did care for their children and provide for them. No one in that article said anything about rejecting or being cruel to their children.

We live in a world where it has always been taken for granted that women would have children, be responsible for all of their primary care, and be happy with that as their only or main purpose in life. Even now to merely speak against that brings down judgement and rejection. Women often feel they have no choice, even career women, because it is what is expected of them. Many do love having kids and being a parent. But the ones who do not, are still expected to do it, do it well, and like it. Growing up in a society that teaches girls they are baby producers and are supposed to be loving mothers, when these girls become married they do it because it has been drilled into their heads that's what life is about for them. Then when it comes to fruition, they find that this is something that is incredibly hard for them, and not something they enjoy for themselves.

Women have more of a voice now than they ever have. They are merely being honest about their feelings. They chose to do the right thing, even though they didn't feel it. If they have provided for and cared for their children, even if it wasn't their favorite thing to do, no one has any place criticizing them harshly or judging them as selfish.

In fact, anyone who cares for another person, even if they don't feel like it or it is hard for them, is being the exact opposite of selfish.

Plus, creating opportunities for women to speak openly about the choice to have children or not, paves the way for others who have not had children yet to honestly look at whether they should have children. In a world where many Christians are pro-lifers yet do not wish to help mothers and young children once they are here, and there are far more children in need of adoption than people willing to take them in, why would we not want women to be honest about what they are willing and able to do as far as motherhood? Why are we not wanting these open conversations about what it means to have children and who should do it?

 

[TaigaGirl]

There is nothing wrong with feelings, the problem is saying them and the child hearing that. No child should hear that.........a parent needs to find a safe person to vent about how hard caring for children is. And it's not hard because the child is difficult, it's hard because of the hurts and trauma's a parent carries within them.


This is a really great blogpost.
https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2016/11/reduce-parenting-stress-with-listening-time/

 

[meyerjd]

My wife was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis about a year ago. Our children were 12 & 10 at that time. She is very limited in what she is able to do and participate in with her children. I don't think she has ever told them but did mention to me that she feels that it was a big mistake to have children. When they were born I was a very reluctant parent myself, and was not very comfortable in being with them. Now I am more or less the only parent that has any involvement with them day to day.

 

[meyerjd]

Sorry, The previous post published twice by mistake.

 

[JCFantasy23]

There is nothing wrong with feelings, the problem is saying them and the child hearing that. No child should hear that.........a parent needs to find a safe person to vent about how hard caring for children is. And it's not hard because the child is difficult, it's hard because of the hurts and trauma's a parent carries within them.

This exactly. It should never be said to children but some people are honest with their feelings and just don't enjoy being a parent.

 

[*LILAC]

Parents should lead by example and think before they speak. Especially towards their children! There is honesty and just plain stupidity. Who is the adult here? To say such hateful things to a child is just irresponsible and very heartbreaking towards the child.