I'm engaged, and things aren't going well. We aren't putting God first. Every time I mention breaking up for a while, or at all, he says "We'll work things out" whatnot.. Things always go back to us not putting God first.. We also don't have the best communication either.. We mostly don't have much to talk about, though it's been a little better. I also have this problem. I tend to like other guys, but this one I've been talking to likes me back. Anywho, I haven't been paying as much attention to the problems him and I have until this person made me think about it. Also, he's been really jealous about me talking to the other guy. He heard me talking on the other phone with this guy and got all jealous.. He's long-distance, so it's harder. What should I do?
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More problems with this guy..
- Thread starter KGirl
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Living4Him03
Just wanna dance with you
You're in a pretty dangerous situation, not physical danger (well maybe), but I think you get what I mean. You are engaged to someone, yet have feelings for other men and not only that but you are getting to know these other men, probably on a level that is beyond "just friendship"...Have you gone to pre-marital counseling? If not, ask your boyfriend if he would be willing to go with you. You really gotta re-think marrying someone when you are so disconnected from one another. If he isn't willing to put God first and keeps putting it off NOW, he's probably not going to change later when you get married, although I'm not saying people don't change. Have you thought about spending some time apart and getting closer to God to see where He leads? Maybe that is the best thing for you to do right now. If you want to put God first, put this relationship on the back burner and seek God and His will for your life.
About you talking to the other guy on the phone, i'm sorry but I don't blame your boyfriend for getting jealous! He probably can sense that there are some feelings going on between you and this other guy. You BOTH need to work on this relationship by making some tough decisions about whether it should continue, be put on hold for awhile, or not continue. If he is not willing to work on the relationship and put God first, then he's not the one for you. Actions speak louder than words, so just saying he will work on it is not enough, and vice versa for you. Just remember that if you do break up, or even if you don't, God is always there as a Father, Friend, Counselor, and Savior!! Turn to Him for guidance. It's not easy, you likely won't get an answer right this minute or this week, maybe not this month...patience is the key.
Another piece of advice, and I say this because I know it's true in my own life, before you develop such a deep relationship or perhaps during, get to know who you are! What are your core beliefs? What things do you need to change? Have you had opportunities to be independent? Where do you see your life headed? It's really good to know you and who you are before you get to know someone else so intimately, which engagement is definitely a deep relationship.
About you talking to the other guy on the phone, i'm sorry but I don't blame your boyfriend for getting jealous! He probably can sense that there are some feelings going on between you and this other guy. You BOTH need to work on this relationship by making some tough decisions about whether it should continue, be put on hold for awhile, or not continue. If he is not willing to work on the relationship and put God first, then he's not the one for you. Actions speak louder than words, so just saying he will work on it is not enough, and vice versa for you. Just remember that if you do break up, or even if you don't, God is always there as a Father, Friend, Counselor, and Savior!! Turn to Him for guidance. It's not easy, you likely won't get an answer right this minute or this week, maybe not this month...patience is the key.
Another piece of advice, and I say this because I know it's true in my own life, before you develop such a deep relationship or perhaps during, get to know who you are! What are your core beliefs? What things do you need to change? Have you had opportunities to be independent? Where do you see your life headed? It's really good to know you and who you are before you get to know someone else so intimately, which engagement is definitely a deep relationship.
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mina
Brown Eyed girl
- Sep 26, 2003
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i agree with living4him. If he's not putting God first now, then it's going to be harder for him to put God first down the road. Either he's going to be willing to work on making your relationship the best it can be now, or it's going to be very hard to hold it together later on.
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Katty
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This seems really dangerous because it seems like you're setting yourself up for a moment where you're going to have to choose between the two guys in your life. It seems like you've already made up your mind about how you feel about your fiancé. If you're engaged and you're talking to another guy that you are attracted to and is attracted to you also and he's not your fiancé, I'd be worried too. I think above all else, you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself why you're engaged in the first place. If you had been friends with this other guy before you and your fiancé became a "committed couple", I don't think it would be such a big issue in your fiance's mind, but its also that maybe this other guy, whether its intentional or not, he's the other guy whispering in your ear and therefore may seem like a threat to your fiancé. If you are considering this other guy, be honest and fair with your fiancé and cut ties. Don't drag this on to be something that will cut deep one day if the glass spills over. If you really are going to marry your fiancé, make sure that you aren't just "settling". Be sure that your heart and your mind is there whole-heartedly with your fiancé. I wish you the best in this situation. Proceed with caution.
~Katty~
~Katty~
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
KGirl, let me clue you in here. If he is not the man you want now, then he will never be the man you want. If you cannot get along with him during the puppy love stage, how will you ever in marriage?
Your longing for other men is bad. This either means that you have issues of your own, or that this is a result of his actions towards you. You are prone to an affair in marriage.
I say give the ring back.
Your longing for other men is bad. This either means that you have issues of your own, or that this is a result of his actions towards you. You are prone to an affair in marriage.
I say give the ring back.
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Hey KGirl, I can kinda understand your situation but from the other end. My boyfriend and I have also had problems and have taken time apart from another because we were starting to get consumed with one another and not GOD. But if you can past this then your relationship will be ok but if you have feelings for another man regardless if the friendship is long distance, then something is wrong in the relationship. You may not be fulfilled. And you may not think this but you may slip and cheat on your fiancee or in marriage. Really think twice and realize who is most important to you(Read my 2 post "friends and relationships" about my relatioship). If you dont think that you can stick to your fiancee completely then let him go and let him find someone who will.
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It sounds like you don't need to be engaged because you have all the fixin's for the potential of total disaster. This doesn't mean any one is bad by any means. Stuff happens. But Getting married with these issues will compound problems instead of relieve problems. If anything, put things on hold for a while. I think your wanting to break up for a while is the healthiest thing the both of you can do.
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Living4Him03
Just wanna dance with you
I don't think forgetting other guys is the whole issue here. It's about making a decision on whether to continue your relationship with your fiance or spend time apart. Have you talked with him about spending time apart? Have you discussed yor concerns with him yet? Those are the first steps. Chances are you aren't going to find a magic formula that can make you suddenly not like other guys. There is something or several things your fiance lacks or is not fulfilling for you that you need and are seeking in other guys. The problem is not so much trying not to like other guys, it's finding out if things can be fixed with your fiance. If not, it would probably be best to forget about dating for awhile, build some friendships, and get closer to God and become the woman He wants you to be. Only then will you really be ready for marriage (although I don't think we are ever fully ready for marriage).
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mina
Brown Eyed girl
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well if you are in a commited relationship with someone, you stop talking to other guys in an way that you did before you were engaged. You don't give yourself a chance to like other guys; don't toy with the idea. Remove yourself from situations where you will be tempted to be exclusive with someone else. If talking to other guys is going to lead you to liking them in a romantic way, then don't do it. Engagement is when you are promising yourself to someone; there is an exclusivity there that is only for that person. I think that maybe you and your fiance should talk about boundaries- what are things that are going to make him uncomfortable/jealous in terms of your interaction with guys and what are things that will make you uncomfortable/jealous in terms of his interaction with other girls. Listen to each other and then honour the other person's feelings.
It also might be wise to spend some time apart. Maybe both you and your fiance should put your own relationship with God first in your own lives for a while and then see what God is saying about you two together. God has to be first or it's not going to be as good as it could.
It also might be wise to spend some time apart. Maybe both you and your fiance should put your own relationship with God first in your own lives for a while and then see what God is saying about you two together. God has to be first or it's not going to be as good as it could.
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From what you've said in your posts, it kind of sounds like being interested in other guys is not the actual problem, but a symptom of underlying problems in your relationship with your fiance. Maybe you wouldn't be looking to other guys if you felt more secure and positive about your current relationship. It can be hard to admit that a relationship needs serious re-evaluation, if not to end altogether, but it will have to happen sooner or later...and if you are engaged, definitely sooner is better than later. Don't let him put off working out your problems. He says that you guys will work it out...well, then action needs to be taken. Things will not work out by themselves unfortunately.
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
You should ask yourself a different question first: WHY would you even consider getting married to this man? Why did you say yes to his proposal?KGirl said:How can I stop liking other guys?
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brettnolan
Senior Member
A couple more things to add.
I agree with kerwim, cheese and peterc.
How do you stop liking other guys? You don't. As long as you like other men within the confines of a committed relationship, you are not ready to be engaged. Of course, when you start discussing your current relationship with other people of the opposite sex (sometimes even the same sex), you can't help but be influenced by what they say. The grass is always greener...especially when the guy you're talking to is only telling you how rotten your current boyfriend is, or being empathetic of your problems, your shoulder to cry on. Things you should be talking about with your spouse. Not to mention, MOST guys only want ONE thing if they are poking their nose into another guy's business. Don't kid yourself into thinking this other guy is one of the few exceptions.
I agree with kerwim, cheese and peterc.
How do you stop liking other guys? You don't. As long as you like other men within the confines of a committed relationship, you are not ready to be engaged. Of course, when you start discussing your current relationship with other people of the opposite sex (sometimes even the same sex), you can't help but be influenced by what they say. The grass is always greener...especially when the guy you're talking to is only telling you how rotten your current boyfriend is, or being empathetic of your problems, your shoulder to cry on. Things you should be talking about with your spouse. Not to mention, MOST guys only want ONE thing if they are poking their nose into another guy's business. Don't kid yourself into thinking this other guy is one of the few exceptions.
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
Well, your fiancee has a reason to be jealous(and I don't think that jealousy is a good thing either). Let me see, you are engaged to him but like another guy. That to me is a BIG red flag. Don't marry your fiancee hoping things will change and/or that he will change after the wedding because things wont. Things will only get more complicated.KGirl said:
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