More help needed

[inchristalone221]

Yeah, I'm pathetic, so sue me.

Here's the thing...my darling and I find ourselves in this long-distance relationship. Since we came to this position from having been very good friends (more like brother and sister), we are very very close. We love each other and we're very serious about the possibility of long-term commitment. We both agree that the purpose of courtship is to find the person you will one day marry, and the idea of marriage has even come into one or two conversations (even though it's some years down the road). I imagine the future and see her right by my side no matter where God takes me.

Now, I need some advice from those of you who have been through this courtship thing before. I am a firm believer in the idea that a couple should have a very serious talk about what is and what is not physically appropriate outside of marriage. I think it's time she and I had that conversation, but I don't know how to bring it up. We're very open with each other, so I'm not afraid of the conversation, I just want to bring it up at the right time and in the right way. The next time I see her in person will be the superbowl (I'm gonna watch it with her and her family), and I was thinking we could talk about it then. But, how do I even bring it up.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

hmmm well we usually bring it up when things start to look like they might go too far. or sometimes when we finally get to see each other (we're long distance too) we remind each other at the beginning of our stay what we can't do. i would probably feel weird if he just brought it up out of no where. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do that. for some it might be a good idea. that's just how i would feel about it.

 

[peanutbutter12]

It's actually not nearly as hard to bring up as some would expect. Infact, if you have firm restrictions on yourself to what is not ok outside wedlock, she might even be relieved to know these things and feel herself more willing to be comfortable with you because she won't feel that you are there to try and get in her pants, so to say.

Personally, I would ask to go for a walk or something and then just tell her you need to talk about something that you feel you need to talk about. Maybe durring half-time since it's not going to be very good anyway.

Good Luck


CJ

 

[inchristalone221]

Well, I think I'll have the chance to bring it up. This superbowl Sunday we're gonna go for a walk on the beach after the game. So, pray for me. I'm not that good at having awkward conversation, and I need the strength to do this. I love her too much not to.

 

[Aggiegal]

I have recently dealt with the same thing (though i had to have the conversation after we started to cross some of the lines that were in my head but not his). Its best to have the conversation sooner rather than later. My problem was starting the conversation when it was easier not to. To finally hold myself acountable, I told him that sometime soon i needed to sit down and talk to him about something. When i said this there were other people around so we couldn't talk just then, but then he knew i needed to talk to him and helped hold me acountable to starting the conversation. Once we were on the topic we quickly were able to establish what was apropriate etc.

 

[inchristalone221]

OK, today something cool worked out. We were talking, and somehow we came to a point in the conversation where I told her I wanted to talk about this with her next time I saw her, so now she'll keep me accountable to actually do it.

 

[Maeyken]

That's excellent. That way, she'll have had some time to think about her expectations too. Let us know how it goes!

 

[inchristalone221]

OK, basically what we decided is that anything normally covered by a bathing suit is off limits. We couldn't think of anything else yet, but we have an agreement that if we think of anything we'll bring it up ASAP. Also, she half-jokingly told me that she'd be pretty clear when I was violating her boundaries. I think she meant it, and I think we'll do fine. I'm just glad we talked about it.