Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
I do sympathize with her many times. There are days when I know she is too sick or in to much pain to do anything, and I don't let her, I take care of it. As I with anyone who is disabled, there will be good days and bad days. We all have bad days, even those of us who are not disabled for a variety of reasons. Its not what we do on the bad days, its what we do on the good days.
I am not going to argue point for point on my wife's disability, you guys are not here, you don't know her, and you don't know me.
Her sister and her have a great relationship, and her sister has told me many times that she believes her sister is hiding behind her disability. She I agree that her sister found her entire identity in her career as a nurse, and even though she gave lip service to me when we were dating that her career would come second to our marriage and family, she never made good on that.
She thinks being home is a waste and she will never find value in it, it is not looked as opportunity, but as a waste of her life. I realize most of you women will probably agree with her, that because she was a career woman, being home is a waste of her life. But I don't think it is, and neither does her family.
Her sister and her have a great relationship, and her sister has told me many times that she believes her sister is hiding behind her disability. She I agree that her sister found her entire identity in her career as a nurse, and even though she gave lip service to me when we were dating that her career would come second to our marriage and family, she never made good on that.
She thinks being home is a waste and she will never find value in it, it is not looked as opportunity, but as a waste of her life. I realize most of you women will probably agree with her, that because she was a career woman, being home is a waste of her life. But I don't think it is, and neither does her family.
Looking at all the responses let me see if I can sum up where the majority of responses come from:
1. It does not matter who does what around the house, if one person isn't doing much and the other person carries the lion share(we are being gender neutral here of course) that is ok.
2. Stay at home mom's are fine if the woman chooses that, but if the woman is a career woman its fine if her house is wreck, where her husband does most of the house work because she finds it tedious or boring. If the husband does not want live in filth or have dinner at home, then he can wash the clothes and make dinner if these things are important.
3. In keeping with point #1, if a spouse has a disability, even if they are able to do moderate house work, they should not be expected to do anything. The other spouse should do everything and consider themselves lucky if the other spouse contributes. Just be happy that you occupy the same space together and all will be well.
4. When you are feeling tired or overwhelmed, or under appreciated, or if you feel your spouse is living their life on a couch(verified out by family around them), just refer back to point #3.
5. Laziness in Men is much more common and bigger problem than laziness in women and women except for a very very small tiny minority, are all hard working Stay at home mom's or Career women.
These are just many of the wonderful truths I have learned from this thread.
Dude, if I were married to you, we'd be having a discussion about this mess....right before I packed my stuff and ran out the front door. You have some seriously goofy ideas about marriage. You have NO CLUE what it's really like to live with a disabled spouse. You are expecting FAR too much. You refuse to take into consideration that she is probably suffering from some serious depression issues regarding the loss of her career/identity as a nurse. Instead of berating her, why don't you try being non-confrontational and discussing what the loss of her career has meant to her.
I could fuss and whine to my husband that he's not helping me out at all around the house or with the children at times, but I also know that he is having real issues with the knowledge that he is 51 years old and will not EVER be able to go back to work. How would you feel if suddenly your career was stripped from you by circumstances beyond your control? How would you feel if everyone around you was suddenly trying to force you into a role you do not feel inspired by or even qualified for (beyond having two X chromosomes)?
I think you need to examine YOUR OWN motives here. Show some empathy. I would also strongly advise the two of you go see a marriage counselor...but if you're told your POV is in error, you'd probably argue the point.
Looking at all the responses let me see if I can sum up where the majority of responses come from:
1. It does not matter who does what around the house, if one person isn't doing much and the other person carries the lion share(we are being gender neutral here of course) that is ok.
2. Stay at home mom's are fine if the woman chooses that, but if the woman is a career woman its fine if her house is wreck, where her husband does most of the house work because she finds it tedious or boring. If the husband does not want live in filth or have dinner at home, then he can wash the clothes and make dinner if these things are important.
3. In keeping with point #1, if a spouse has a disability, even if they are able to do moderate house work, they should not be expected to do anything. The other spouse should do everything and consider themselves lucky if the other spouse contributes. Just be happy that you occupy the same space together and all will be well.
4. When you are feeling tired or overwhelmed, or under appreciated, or if you feel your spouse is living their life on a couch(verified out by family around them), just refer back to point #3.
5. Laziness in Men is much more common and bigger problem than laziness in women and women except for a very very small tiny minority, are all hard working Stay at home mom's or Career women.
These are just many of the wonderful truths I have learned from this thread.
I think you need to examine YOUR OWN motives here. Show some empathy. I would also strongly advise the two of you go see a marriage counselor...but if you're told your POV is in error, you'd probably argue the point.
Musing, you put in 60 hours a week, according to you. Yes, part of being a husband is to provide. But I think you are missing the point of provision. Women are also to provide, as per the many women in the Bible who worked outside the home, like Deborah and the Proverbs 31 woman, and who was that....Priscilla? in the NT who sold purple cloth? Anyway, there is absolutely nothing wrong with women working outside the home. And yes, men are also to provide for their families.I am a computer programmer, but my first identity after being a Christian, is as a husband and father. I can always find another job, I can't find another family. God commands me to provide for my family, but that is not my identity.
If I thought getting rid of my extra job would accomplish what you say I would do it in a heart beat. Yes I would have more energy to do those things. Then it would create more anxiety in her about money. Anytime we are low on money she gets crabbier, so that would be counter productive.
But me quitting my second job will not get her off the couch. It won't change her world view anymore than it will change mine.
But me quitting my second job will not get her off the couch. It won't change her world view anymore than it will change mine.
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
But now I have to make the best I can of our conflicting world views. One way to do that as I said earlier is to expect absolutely nothing from her, which I can do for periods of time. During those times I take care of whatever she needs, watch shows with her and do what she wants. Then I have my interests like reading and some playstation4 which take my mind off things.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?