More and More lazy stay at home wives

Avniel said:

I disagree think it's a parent's job to train a child. The bible certainly says honor your mother and father not your mother and who's she's married to and your father and who's he's married to. I think it's out of order to discipline another person's child unless both, mom and dad, parties agree.

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Shouldn't then adopted children honor their adopted parents? Or kids who are raised by let's say an aunt & uncle..no honor needed?
I understand that verse to mean we should honor, yes our parents, but not just them, but also anyone who is in authority over us as a parent figure.

We all in marriages have bad habits, and we have to come to acceptance of them many times. But some bad habits affect relationships more than others. Again this is me venting, I need to find a way to gently get her to do more, without a direct confrontation. That is very difficult to do.

As far as "the two wifes in a row that are "lazy." You might have a valid point if you didn't know anything about me. Is it possible I am just some overlord who if my wife sits for a second to watch TV I think she is lazy? IF that were true you would have a point. But I am not, and I am not exaggerating about the hours my wife spends on the couch, we talked about it in front of the doctor and she did not deny it.

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At times you just need to accept things they way they are, and learn to work around them as well. Accept the fact that you will be doing things 80% of the time as you put it, and find ways besides resenting your wife to lighten your load. Its called choice, and we all have it.

Early in our marriage - YEARS AGO - he came out of remission, and we were newly married. He was on high doses of meds that made him agressive. He would scream about how he does 98% of (fill in the blank). He was so blinded he couldn't see the 98% of time I do other things. It was hard to accept that it was the pain, and meds talking. I honestly wanted to knock him in the puss. We had choices to make. He and I were going to have to learn boundaries at times his health became an issue, or quite frankly it would tear our relationship into peices. He would NOT dare go near that statement today. No doubt we both feel it at times, but we also know if we marinate in it? The costs are huge.

We can't have the 'traditional' viewpoint, because loads of factors in our lifes. We can sit and what if things to death...or make choices just like you have. ie: I do most everything, and she does nothing.

When you have the 5 children over? Accept that you are going to do most of the care-giving, and the kids sound old enough they can pitch in. They are old enough to do laundry to help out, and do dishes, and heck even cook! I mean you mention they have a pretty decent relationship with their step mother, and honestly the rest of it is just gravy.

I get it - believe me. I have a husband who has major health issues, and his doctor tells him to be more active as well. He has periods of time in which he will, but most of the time don't count on it. He spends most of his time in pain due to his condition, and the pain sadly will always be with him.

He does nothing as far as housework, etc. I suppose I could sit and brew, but I also have a choose to accept things for my own mental health. He will do things if I ask him too, but much like parents say about teenagers...why should I have to ask right? (laughs!) Instead I try to appreciate the good job and effort he does when its requested. Which choice will benefit our family life better?

Its not easy to work with the pain, or work past the pain. Its his life, and he alone has to make the decision to get more active or not. Yes, it effects others. I can't do anything about it, and me sitting here concentrating on how much I have to do because he can't? My attitude is going to suffer, and resentment will settle in.

I learned a long time ago that he has physical limitations - with physical therapy or not - that will always be there. I could sit and get mad at the fact he can't do things that the tradition husband does. I will tell you there was times in our marriage that this happened too. I also have a choice to figure out a way if the load is too much for me to lighten it...or deal with it. Yes, its my choice to resent things or figure out a way to work around them. Heck I could also sit and resent either of those choices too! Which choice will benefit our life better?

My husband does work, and I have to realize that I honestly don't know how I would be in his position. He tries to the best of his ability to be the stereotype about men that you have written about here.

Sadly, I think this is where the liability comes as far as boxes goes. People are custom, and they will color outsides the lines...because they are human. Not because they don't understand their role, and sadly when concrete expectations are there? Resentment grows when they can't fulfill it.

I see it here on this board, and in my own life all the time. My spouse doesn't do this, and its taught they are suppose to do that - and they ignore the awesome person they married instead. Life needs to have a custom view, because that is how life works. Boxes give unmet expectations from what I have seen and experienced. They just are plain unrealistic in most circumstances, and don't allow us to concentrate on the good parts as often. Its really sad. The spirit of the roles is fine if that is what works for you, but the person you married isn't capable of it? You pick off pieces of the relationship, and you may never get it back.

Our circumstance is different than the tradition mold, and so is yours. Trying to jam a round block in a square hole? Its never going to work, and you have a choice to keep jamming it in - or accept the custom and beautiful shape your family has instead. Which choice will benefit your family?

If you are just going to concentrate on how you feel her bad work ethic at home defines whom she is overall? Lets face facts here - your going to be miserable by choice. Its going to effect your outlook, attitude, and worldview overall. She will pick up on it, and she may even return the attitude in her own way.

Its called human nature, and YEP that is outside the box too. Yet, its a reality. Something that the traditional outlook doesn't consider, because they seem to feel if you were in the box labeled gender, person, or what have you? Life would be awesome. lol as IF!

Your wife it sounds like has more of a work outlook compared to the traditional home body. You are expecting her to be a good artist when she is engineer at heart. It just doesn't work. It never will, and you have choices as well. You can admire her work ethic on the job, and school - and find ways of transferring that over to her outside the workforce...or be miserable that she isn't capable of living up some standard you have in mind for wife. It is what it is.

My husband has activities outside the house that I personally would NOT wish to participate in, but honestly he is good at them. I see passion there. Its not my cup of tea, but I enjoy watching him participating in them. I guess I could think to myself - WELL he doesn't fulfill the traditional gender role...and so he should be showing passion towards that instead. Yep, I could that. We would all suffer, and I do have that choice. Which choice will benefit our life better?

Have you noticed that 80% of time you seem to cut her down, and 20% of the time you are considerate of her? Been there myself Muse! I had a choice to make. check my own attitude at the door, and find a way to be happy...or allow myself to stew in my own juices.

You need to find ways of working around those roles in your mind, or sadly you will always have more negativity in your life...by choice. Its not going to be easy, but darn it all...which would benefit your family more?

You will be surprised in time how much everyone will change once your expectations change. You might be surprised how much life has changed once you have accepted what others are capable of - and what they are not. Yes, it does change your world view.

lol and I placed a negative spin on the H on purpose here to make a point ONLY!

Just sayin.

Avniel said:

Is that an excuse?

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I wouldn't call that an excuse but it could be a reason beyond "laziness." Chronic pain and ironically the pain med's to manage it can cause pretty bad depression and pretty quickly too . And in Musing's wife's case she was obviously very active before her accident and seemed to enjoy her occupation as a nurse and now she can't do that .

I also don't see your circumstances either as somehow you're overwhelmed and exhausted because of a huge heavy workload that you never get a break from while she lays around . Seriously it does not take hours every day to keep a house in order for 2 adults . It seems more like to me rather you are stuck on making it "even " . Like if there is one hour a day of housework to do you won't be happy unless she does at least 30 minutes of it .

musingsofacac said:

You sound like super wife and mom. With my wife there have been really bad times when I can tell she is in horrendous pain(like after a procedure) and I would never want her to lift a finger. I happily take care of her and the house.

But in those times when I have burst out in frustration, its a different story - I have said to her "Its not what you can't do, its not about when you are in horrible pain or are sick...its about when you are feeling better, those times, what then?"

If you feel that is all your husband can truly do, then you have nothing to be upset about. If you feel your husband could do more, but is simply using his disability as a shield for his laziness that's a different story. It sounds to me like you believe your husband is doing the best he can. A spouse knows their mate better than anyone else.

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My husband has days when he's feeling good and will pitch in where he sees a need. Right now, he's more focused on his own rehab than anything else. He was in the hospital from 12/23 to 1/9. However, my husband is one of those incredibly motivated people who will push himself to try to do things he really shouldn't and there are times when either me or the kids will jump in and take over whatever it is (which usually leads to some sort of argument).

As far as your wife goes...talk to her doctors. She may be scared that activity will bring the pain back on (that's happened to us) and may need to be reassured that activity is good for her as far as strengthening her body and her spirit.

A long time ago, I broke my foot and ankle badly and ended up in bed for 3 months and then another 3 months of a very painful rehab. I think it was close to a year before I could walk or stand for any extended period of time without pain. It took me a long time to really get back in the groove of life. I went from active to BAM! on my behind, in pain 24/7, unable to get comfortable (I started with a cast that went from my toes to my mid-thigh) in literally just a few seconds. My children and husband had to pretty much take over ALL my jobs. It was hard and I'm sure there was some depression there. The same may be true for your wife, she's mourning the life she lost due to the accident.

A long time ago, I broke my foot and ankle badly and ended up in bed for 3 months and then another 3 months of a very painful rehab. I think it was close to a year before I could walk or stand for any extended period of time without pain.

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This is very similar to my story - I was unable to put pressure on my leg for 7 months and spent a year in rehab. I have a ton of scar tissue and lost the range of motion in my ankle, making walking up hills painful, down stairs, squatting, etc, and I cannot walk very fast at all anymore - and I used to be a runner. My breaks were in my foot and angled, jagged breaks from half an inch above the ankle all the way up several inches. My church banded together and brought us meals before I could even get up on crutches. One lady from my church came and cleaned my house every couple of weeks. I had a ton of support at the beginning, but healing took far longer than anyone thought because a bone infection settled in, which made it all the more painful.

So I can relate to the OP's wife and think it's highly unfair of him to be making such judgements about her "laziness." In fact, it sounds like there is a little self-importance going on here. The comments pertaining to him doing 80% and her doing 20% is equivalent to saying "I do everything and am all that, and she will never measure up." It's like casting blame, making her responsible for the condition of their home, making her responsible for his growing resentment, making her responsible for far more than she is able or willing to give, and this way of dealing with it is not in the least helpful to her or to the marriage.

I think as far as lifting her spirits and getting her to move around more for her health that outcome would be more likely by getting her out of the house. Being stuck in the house day in and day out is not good for anyone disabled or not .And can add to the dreariness/depression .Another poster suggested short walks . I just think its almost laughable to tell a person who is disabled and depressed, that never really gained any sense of accomplishment from keeping the home in the first place, that if they would just get up and vacuum or do some laundry they would feel a lot better . I mean if the goal is truly her mental and physical health . Just because she is a woman it doesn't mean she gains any sense self worth /meaning in her life cleaning bathrooms or cooking dinner.

I would really like to see that in reverse . To tell a man that had a career he enjoyed and took pride in . Where his mind was stimulated and he felt a sense of accomplishment .That really looked at keeping the home as more of a dreaded chore he would do out of necessity but otherwise would rather avoid all together. That became disabled and house bound then depressed ,that it would be "good for him " mind and body if he would just get up and clean the house for 30 or so minutes a day he would feel a lot better.

I think Hannah above said it beautifully . Its expecting her to be a good artist when she is an engineer at heart .

ValleyGal said:

This is very similar to my story - I was unable to put pressure on my leg for 7 months and spent a year in rehab. I have a ton of scar tissue and lost the range of motion in my ankle, making walking up hills painful, down stairs, squatting, etc, and I cannot walk very fast at all anymore - and I used to be a runner. My breaks were in my foot and angled, jagged breaks from half an inch above the ankle all the way up several inches. My church banded together and brought us meals before I could even get up on crutches. One lady from my church came and cleaned my house every couple of weeks. I had a ton of support at the beginning, but healing took far longer than anyone thought because a bone infection settled in, which made it all the more painful.

So I can relate to the OP's wife and think it's highly unfair of him to be making such judgements about her "laziness." In fact, it sounds like there is a little self-importance going on here. The comments pertaining to him doing 80% and her doing 20% is equivalent to saying "I do everything and am all that, and she will never measure up." It's like casting blame, making her responsible for the condition of their home, making her responsible for his growing resentment, making her responsible for far more than she is able or willing to give, and this way of dealing with it is not in the least helpful to her or to the marriage.

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When I tore up my foot and ankle, my husband was still working full time (this was before he got sick) and truly picking up the slack at home. The kids helped but the "heavy lifting" got pinned on him. Even after the surgeries and when I could finally actually wear 2 shoes, there were times when I just had to sit down because I couldn't stand the pain. He never, ever complained that he was "doing it all" even though he was.

The OP seems that he has a problem with realizing that he needs to take responsibility for his own stuff. If he wants a "clean" house, then he can clean it. If he wants a hot meal, then he can cook it. If he wants clean clothes, then he can wash them. It seems that whatever she does or doesn't do, she will never measure up to his expectations. Woman =/= "suzy homemaker". Like I said above, she is probably dealing with the emotions of losing her career, losing the life she had and trying to figure out where to go now. My husband has the same problems, he feels like less of a man/husband/father due to his disability. But, instead of me fussing and whining about what I "expect" him to do, I just praise God that he is alive and here with me after all he's been through and the numbers of times where we almost lost him. Maybe the OP needs to grasp that thankfulness and gratitude to God that his wife was not killed in that accident and realize that the worst didn't happen and be thankful that he's not a widower.

The other point is where this topic came from . I think ValleyGal If I'm guessing right started the topic more and more based on a new poster complaining her husband refuses to work or do anything related to keeping the home . She also mentioned though he is hateful to her on top of that . She mentioned nothing about him being disabled in any way . I am the one that suggested some people are really just lazy bums . I would not compare her situation or her husbands attitude to what Musingface is describing is going on with his wife. And calling her a "lazy house wife" is a complete mischaracterization of her .

She is a married career woman that has been forced out of her occupation due to an injury recouping at home . I think you have that term "house wife" is any married woman whether she works full time outside the home or not .

Exactly. When I had my accident, my son was 6 and I was not married. My boyfriend could not drive because his brain cancer caused seizures so he had no license. We hardly saw each other. So I was alone at home with a 6 year old. Poor son. He had to drag the laundry into the laundry room, stand up on a step stool and put the wash in. He was 6 when he started taking care of things like loading the dishwasher, taking the dog out for business, and doing laundry. What a trooper!

I did the "bare minimum" for two years after the accident. And you know what? It's okay. We survived if the house was not dusted every week and we survived if the dishes were left overnight. It was okay when my son could not reach to hang up his jacket or pick up his room. I had a plaque from when my son was an infant, and it got me through a lot: "On judgement day if God should say 'Have you cleaned your house today?' I will tell him I did not. I played with my child and I forgot."

A clean house is minor in the big scheme of things, and if we had to eat frozen casseroles for that seven months, we are none the worse for it. Imo, the OP is placing too much emphasis on what she does not do instead of focusing on her strengths, and being supportive of her in her recovery.

And I fully agree - it is very, very painful to lose a job you love. If my leg were restored right now, I'd leave social work in a minute and go back to nursing. I still grieve, and although I retrained as a nursing unit clerk, then as a spa practitioner and owned my own spa, I was not happy with any of it. I am relatively satisfied with social work, but even that is not nearly as fulfilling. So even 14 years after the accident, I still have not found my "happy niche."

So now that we know what is not helpful, what actually is helpful? For me, it was helpful when I could walk and my guy suggested we go for short walks. It was helpful when we did things together, like cooking or cleaning to host friends over. It was helpful when he would ask me "what can I do to support you right now?" In fact, that was the most meaningful for me, considering his own health issues.

It appears for you that what was helpful was when your husband picked up the slack without complaining, accepting that marriage requires give and take - sometimes more giving than taking.

Hopefully the OP reads our exchange here and sees these suggestions as more helpful than the current negative mindset. My prayer is that this OP will adopt a soft heart, focus on her strengths and the things she does contribute to the home rather than on the 80% he feels she does not contribute to the home. My prayer is that he embraces this opportunity to accept less than perfection and to set an example of hard work to his children - his responsibility, not hers. My prayer is that he loves his wife, making these sacrifices for her best interest, without judgement against her. My prayer is that he does not allow resentment a foothold and nurtures a soft heart toward her, loving her in the same spirit of service that Jesus had when he washed his disciples' feet.

QueSeraSera said:

The other point is where this topic came from . I think ValleyGal If I'm guessing right started the topic more and more based on a new poster complaining her husband refuses to work or do anything related to keeping the home . She also mentioned though he is hateful to her on top of that . She mentioned nothing about him being disabled in any way . I am the one that suggested some people are really just lazy bums . I would not compare her situation or her husbands attitude to what Musingface is describing is going on with his wife. And calling her a "lazy house wife" is a complete mischaracterization of her .

She is a married career woman that has been forced out of her occupation due to an injury recouping at home . I think you have that term "house wife" is any married woman whether she works full time outside the home or not .

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This is correct. There have been several posts of the same nature - different women whose husbands play video games (or do other non-productive things) all day or all night, where they do not take responsibility for working outside or inside the home, and they have become neglectful of their wives or even rude to them, expressing that they regret getting married, even. This thread, although was intended to be a spin-off from the other thread, ended up being specific to the OP's situation rather than discussing a general issue or what might be an emerging trend with certain husbands (it appears to me, young husbands).

ValleyGal said:

This is correct. There have been several posts of the same nature - different women whose husbands play video games (or do other non-productive things) all day or all night, where they do not take responsibility for working outside or inside the home, and they have become neglectful of their wives or even rude to them, expressing that they regret getting married, even. This thread, although was intended to be a spin-off from the other thread, ended up being specific to the OP's situation rather than discussing a general issue or what might be an emerging trend with certain husbands (it appears to me, young husbands).

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Right and the title is "more and more lazy housewives" . And the only example is his first wife supposedly who was actually in the role of SAHM. And his now 2nd wife who isn't/wasn't even in that role in the first place but is a disabled career woman who happens to be married .

In my book 'house wife " is an occupation .SAHM is an occupation .Or "homemaker" . Being stuck at home unable to work in your chosen career /disabled/ is not the definition of a "house wife " not doing her job .Or a "lazy house wife ."

QueSeraSera said:

Right and the title is "more and more lazy housewives" . And the only example is his first wife supposedly who was actually in the role of SAHM. And his now 2nd wife who isn't/wasn't even in that role in the first place but is a disabled career woman who happens to be married .

In my book 'house wife " is an occupation .SAHM is an occupation .Or "homemaker" . Being stuck at home unable to work in your chosen career /disabled/ is not the definition of a "house wife " not doing her job .Or a "lazy house wife ."

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Exactly! A "lazy" housewife is one who lets the house go to pot, sits on her behind, lets the children run wild and refuses to do anything. I've known a few of those. However, the OPs wife had a career and is now disabled. She's not a SAHW/M. She's a disabled person who lost her career. Not knocking anyone here, but someone who was career-minded is not likely to suddenly adopt a SAHW/M mindset, especially if she has no children.

My career was/is SAHW/M. However, that was a choice that we made a long time ago. There usually aren't enough hours in a day for me to do all the things I need to do, let alone WANT to do.

The OP needs to get his head straight here...

ProudMomxmany said:

Exactly! A "lazy" housewife is one who lets the house go to pot, sits on her behind, lets the children run wild and refuses to do anything. I've known a few of those. However, the OPs wife had a career and is now disabled. She's not a SAHW/M. She's a disabled person who lost her career. Not knocking anyone here, but someone who was career-minded is not likely to suddenly adopt a SAHW/M mindset, especially if she has no children.

My career was/is SAHW/M. However, that was a choice that we made a long time ago. There usually aren't enough hours in a day for me to do all the things I need to do, let alone WANT to do.

The OP needs to get his head straight here...

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Right . SAHW/M is a chosen occupation . Its even on the joint tax returns "homemaker" . Would anyone call a man that has a career that becomes disabled and is at home unable to work a "SAHH" ? That term is meant to describe your "occupation" . An out of work school teacher or fill in occupation is not magically a "SAHW/H" while they are out of work looking for employment.Neither is a disabled person.

My question is, if a SAHM is an occupation, who is the boss? Is it the husband? If this is the construct, what about "firing" her if she is not a suitable employee? Does she earn a wage, or is she paid in room and board? If the OP's wife, who was a career woman, now decides she has no choice but to be a SAHW, does that mean she can get fired if she is only able to pick up 20%?

I do understand that some women pour themselves into their home, and this is who they are. I have utmost respect for women who do this....mainly because it is not something I would have ever been able to do and not go stir crazy. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say it's a career, but I would go so far as to say that is where those women find fulfillment in their homes.

My uncle was a SAHD/H because of a disability. He was not really fulfilled, but he made the best of it, and he did a great job of taking care of the house, and being there for my cousins when they got off work. That does not mean my aunt didn't also do some of the work when she got home.

I have a great friend whose husband is disabled, and she is very well educated with a college degree. She chose to not pursue a career in order to be home for her husband, to meet his needs, and she opened a daycare in her home to pay the bills. She does everything as his disability has taken a turn for the worse. But she is happy and fulfilled.

Imo, a home is a joint venture. Neither is fully responsible for it; both are fully responsible for it, whether they work outside the home or not. And when there is one who does work outside the home, the one at home might want to pitch in more if they are able. Sometimes one will have to do more than the other. Other times it will be the other way around. Keeping score of who is doing how much and when is contrary to the biblical definition of love itself: Love keeps no record of wrongs. It is not self-seeking and does not dishonour others. Keeping score of who does what and when is self-seeking and is dishonouring to the other, and it is keeping score of perceived "wrongs" (meaning "my spouse is doing me wrong by not meeting my expectations").

In the eternal scheme of things......is housework where anyone ought to be pouring out their time? Isn't it about the *people* living in the house (even part-time.....like the OP's children)? ISTM that isn't getting the credit it deserves (although he's mentioned that his children have great bonds with her). That's very important (especially in the teenage years).......I'd even say it's a top priority (to nurture those relationships). Doing anything to strain that bond is getting into dangerous territory (in my opinion) for everyone's concern.

Isn't that what's commonly said about people on their death beds (that it's regret over their relationships with their loved ones.....not the work they haven't done)? For example......"darn.....I wished I'd kept that kitchen floor crumb-free" isn't a common regret----"darn.....I wish I had enjoyed my family more and not taken them for granted" is usually what's heard (when there's an opportunity to hear anything).

***Obviously no one wants to live in a wreck.....but I'm just talking about main priorities here.

mkgal1 said:

In the eternal scheme of things......is housework where anyone ought to be pouring out their time? Isn't it about the *people* living in the house (even part-time.....like the OP's children)? ISTM that isn't getting the credit it deserves (although he's mentioned that his children have great bonds with her). That's very important (especially in the teenage years).......I'd even say it's a top priority (to nurture those relationships). Doing anything to strain that bond is getting into dangerous territory (in my opinion) for everyone's concern.

Isn't that what's commonly said about people on their death beds (that it's regret over their relationships with their loved ones.....not the work they haven't done)? For example......"darn.....I wished I'd kept that kitchen floor crumb-free" isn't a common regret----"darn.....I wish I had enjoyed my family more and not taken them for granted" is usually what's heard (when there's an opportunity to hear anything).

***Obviously no one wants to live in a wreck.....but I'm just talking about main priorities here.

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ITA! My kids don't remember the few times the house was clean. They DO remember the times we did things together. They DO remember mom being there to cheer them on, all the other things we did. Even now, they don't care if mom's house is clean/neat when they come to visit (the bigger ones), they only care that mom and dad and their siblings are there and we do things as a family.

My question is, if a SAHM is an occupation, who is the boss? Is it the husband?

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No . I see it more as like a self employment dynamic as far as your day in and day out while the other one is at work outside the home .Of course the one in that role needs to have a heart of what is best for everyone when making decisions . But you don't need a "boss" . You might need or want "approval" but you don't need an overseeer .

If this is the construct, what about "firing" her if she is not a suitable employee?

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See above. The husband/wife isn't the "owner' of the home/children therefore her/his boss.

Does she earn a wage, or is she paid in room and board?

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She/he doesn't get "paid" but yes is provided for financially by the income earner .And at some point most SAHM/D's also work part time too . You also have to factor in money saved by having one parent at home . And other benefits such as hopefully less hectic days with both parents working FT out of the home . So its not just about money. But it just may work out $'s and cents wise if you want several children for one to stay home FT.

I know around here one child (preschooler) in daycare FT will be no less than $800 a month . And they will not take them when they are sick and you don't get a discount for it regardless if you aren't getting paid to take off with them . So you have to factor in what you are saving into how it all ends up money wise.

Oh and by all means I don't mean that the SAHP is to be 100% responsible for all childcare and needs home needs 24/7 . Its not indentured servitude . Just like if they both work outside of the home all day the work is not over when they get home .Its no different IMO if one is at home all day and the other is out.

Oh and on that note the term "home all day" is misleading too . Depending on their ages and how many . For me it was rare if at all I was literally 'home all day." The reality for me was more like 'leave come back ,leave come back ,leave come back ,leave come back " and being 'not at home " several hours a day depending.

ITA! My kids don't remember the few times the house was clean. They DO remember the times we did things together. They DO remember mom being there to cheer them on, all the other things we did. Even now, they don't care if mom's house is clean/neat when they come to visit (the bigger ones), they only care that mom and dad and their siblings are there and we do things as a family.

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My kids too . I will say they did develop a taste for homemade food and will remember that .Meals cooked . But I think they will more likely remember just me overall being there for them (which you don't have to be a SAHM to do obviously) but being available to take them to the park after school ,bike rides ,volunteering (being there ) at their schools,visits to my mothers to go swimming ,available for all their activities, trips to the library ,and again "easier" I would say than if I was trying to juggle all that and be at work 40 hours a week on top of it . Just more time for them .More time devoted or without already being sort of pooped from trying to pound the pavement earning money.

We could also have animals (more of them anyway) which they will always remember. Our dogs and cats that would have tipped the scale had I had to work 40 hours a week .