Monday ...

[AirForceTeacher]

Monday I sign the papers for final filing. I have mixed feelings about it - it means it will be over soon, and then I can legally date, but it just seems like it's wrong to be happy about it.

Anyone else go through this?

 

[DZoolander]

Well - I don't know anything about the circumstances of your divorce - but from personal experience (I divorced my ex like 10 years ago) - it's a mixed blessing.

On the one hand - you have what you know is right (often divorce *is* right. I've never known anyone that got divorced for stupid or shallow reasons) - and on the other hand you have what you wished would be your life. They're at odds with each other, you know? Divorce is most often governed by the head - while the heart remains in a sense attached to the dreams/desires you had before. Basically - when it becomes final - it's like your head telling your heart "Nope, it's not gonna work out that way" with finality.

I wouldn't be focused so much on your ability to date legally. Spend some time getting your head together - and give your heart a chance to accept that this is how life is now. Once you're at that stage - then start thinking about dating...ya know? You've got your work cut out for you in the meantime.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I do have a friend that I will likely start dating when this is over - it's hard for me to feel any remorse over that when my wife's had a boyfriend since a week after I moved out, and from all appearances, was involved with him even beforehand.

My struggle is that I've been looking forward to this for a while, and it just feels weird - like I'm not allowed to be happy about it..

 

[FaithfulWife]

AFT~

My ex had an affair and moved in with the other woman and her four kids without telling anyone where he was going. He was "missing" out of state for six months before we saw him--but it was only a few weeks before I figured out what happened and where he was.

For the next four years I tried hard to save our marriage and he became more and more and more abusive and addicted to affairs and cybersex. By the time all was said and done, divorce was filed in Feb. and completed just 3 months later. I knew that God had released me from the marriage and throughout it all, I behaved in an honorable, godly way.

Nonetheless, when the day finally came that it was FINAL and I was actually free, I felt the oddest mix of happiness and deep sorrow. On the one hand, I was deeply sad because I had intended to be married forever and still loved him and cared for him as a person. On the other hand, I was in fact happy to be free of the abuse and free to live my life in a happy way. As you can tell, I am a VERY optimistic person and little gets me down, and I knew I wouldn't have to live with the burden of his physical abuse or his mental health issues and that felt ... well honestly it was liberating!

Yep, parts of me felt really guilty over not feeling completely sad, but the fact is that I had deeply mourned the death of my marriage for four years. The day it was final was one of the last "mourning" days and we the first day of being released and free to live happily...and to live happily without guilt!

So I get ya. You may feel mixed and a little weirded out that you feel happy...but I think it's natural.


~Faithful

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Well, I filed yesterday. Court date sometime this month. Will be over in a couple weeks.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

The day I got that divorce decree in the mail was a happy, happy day! I was married to a lying, immature, verbally abusive man. We never had an "adult" relationship. I was always fixing his messes and having to be the breadwinner and responsible for everything. I lived with that for almost 10 years, then had about 4 years of separation to get used to the idea of divorce. I felt like throwing a party, but signed up for eharmony instead.

But, I understand you would have mixed feelings. After all those years there was nothing that I liked about my ex except his ability to help make cute babies.

 

[overit]

I won't lie, the day it was finally I was happy as a lark, I screamed in excitement and invited my friends who understood this to celebrate with me.I had mourned the death of the marriage before we even split...he was an abuser all the way around. Having that decree signed (which took about a year or so after we were physically separated) was such a relief and a huge cause for celebration for me. I didn't feel remorse for being happy about it either...who cares if others don't understand it? Enough or living life for others and what they think we should do, react, etc. This is your life, and if you feel happy about it, BE happy about it. Society doesn't dictate how you should feel, it's different for everyone. Particularly if this has dragged on for a long time (separation).

 

[ShainaBrina]

Our divorce papers came in the mail. It was rather anti-climatic. I opened a letter to discover that I'd already been divorced for one month!

I was very sad the day I signed the agreement though. Though it was what had to be, it was not what I had wanted my life to be like.

 

[HuntingMan]

The divorce paperwork coming thru didnt really do much for me.
Getting out of the house with that insane adulteress was the big day in my life.
Both her family and mine were wondering just how long it was going to take for her to put my 6 feet under.