- Jul 9, 2005
- 233,062
- 26,354
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Lutheran
- Marital Status
- Married
Dear Santa,
> >
> > I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and
> > cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's
> > office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy
> > bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
> > playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out
> > over several Christmases, since I had to write this
> > letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt
> > in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when
> > I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
> >
> > Here are my Christmas wishes:
> >
> > I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color,
> > except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't
> > hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull
> > my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery
> > store.
> >
> > I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the
> > seventh month of my last pregnancy.
> >
> > If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like
> > fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays
> > adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any
> > programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator
> > with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
> > hide to talk on the phone.
> >
> > On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that
> > says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along
> > with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans
> > that will zip all the way up without the use of power
> > tools.
> >
> > I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting
> > "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off
> > your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of
> > my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the
> > dog.
> >
> > If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd
> > settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair
> > in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer
> > than room temperature without it being served in a
> > Styrofoam container.
> >
> > If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas
> > miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too
> > much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will
> > clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if
> > you could coerce my children to help around the house
> > without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of
> > an organized crime family.
> >
> > Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my
> > son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he
> > wants his crayon back.
> > Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by
> > the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
> >
> > Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too
> > many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
> >
> > Yours Always, MOM...!
> >
> > P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if
> > you can keep my children young enough to believe in
> > Santa
> >
> > I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and
> > cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's
> > office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy
> > bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
> > playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out
> > over several Christmases, since I had to write this
> > letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt
> > in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when
> > I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
> >
> > Here are my Christmas wishes:
> >
> > I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color,
> > except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't
> > hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull
> > my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery
> > store.
> >
> > I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the
> > seventh month of my last pregnancy.
> >
> > If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like
> > fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays
> > adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any
> > programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator
> > with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
> > hide to talk on the phone.
> >
> > On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that
> > says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along
> > with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans
> > that will zip all the way up without the use of power
> > tools.
> >
> > I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting
> > "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off
> > your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of
> > my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the
> > dog.
> >
> > If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd
> > settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair
> > in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer
> > than room temperature without it being served in a
> > Styrofoam container.
> >
> > If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas
> > miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too
> > much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will
> > clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if
> > you could coerce my children to help around the house
> > without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of
> > an organized crime family.
> >
> > Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my
> > son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he
> > wants his crayon back.
> > Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by
> > the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
> >
> > Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too
> > many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
> >
> > Yours Always, MOM...!
> >
> > P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if
> > you can keep my children young enough to believe in
> > Santa
