3 months ago my mom has passed away in her sedation due to lung cancer... talking about it now makes me feel sad again..
church mates, pastors have all visited her before and during her sedation, trying to show their concern... A reverend tried to talk to her regarding gospel, but she seems indifferent. While she was in the hospital, i asked her if she wanted me to pray for her and she answered "anything". So i prayed for her almost everyday... yet.. at the end of it before her sedation, i asked her if she's willing to believe lord jesus, i can pray for her, she wld only nd to pray/believe in her heart, she said "No". Seriously, i'm at my wits end cos knowing there isn't much time left, so i told her if she believes, she can be in heaven with Jesus, she said "she doesn't want to".
A day or so later, her breathing was too difficult and she wanted to suicide by taking out her oxygen mask. We all stopped her and we siblings tried to take shift looking after her in hospital. So the docs decided to sedate her so as to take away her pain. Sedating her is like literally letting her "die" earlier. When i stepped into the hospital and saw her sedated on her bed, i think my heart bleeded. My tears kept flowing, cos i know very well this was it and there's nothing more i can say to her... We tried to stay with her till 4am that morning, my pastor came and preached to her in her sedation, we kept praying for her. My siblings came but none of us can take it anymore, so we went home to sleep... 9.30am she passed on...
seriously, 3 months after what has happened, it's all too vivid in my mind still. Whenever i passed by her house, i'll tear up... I miss her sooo much, my heart hurts. The thing that she didn't receive Christ, not knowing where is she now, hurts me even more...
the doc said that there are lots of instances where sedation patients can hear us out there, but it's only a chance, not a guarantee...
i blame myself too, i'm probably haven't done enough to lead her to Christ...
church mates, pastors have all visited her before and during her sedation, trying to show their concern... A reverend tried to talk to her regarding gospel, but she seems indifferent. While she was in the hospital, i asked her if she wanted me to pray for her and she answered "anything". So i prayed for her almost everyday... yet.. at the end of it before her sedation, i asked her if she's willing to believe lord jesus, i can pray for her, she wld only nd to pray/believe in her heart, she said "No". Seriously, i'm at my wits end cos knowing there isn't much time left, so i told her if she believes, she can be in heaven with Jesus, she said "she doesn't want to".
A day or so later, her breathing was too difficult and she wanted to suicide by taking out her oxygen mask. We all stopped her and we siblings tried to take shift looking after her in hospital. So the docs decided to sedate her so as to take away her pain. Sedating her is like literally letting her "die" earlier. When i stepped into the hospital and saw her sedated on her bed, i think my heart bleeded. My tears kept flowing, cos i know very well this was it and there's nothing more i can say to her... We tried to stay with her till 4am that morning, my pastor came and preached to her in her sedation, we kept praying for her. My siblings came but none of us can take it anymore, so we went home to sleep... 9.30am she passed on...
seriously, 3 months after what has happened, it's all too vivid in my mind still. Whenever i passed by her house, i'll tear up... I miss her sooo much, my heart hurts. The thing that she didn't receive Christ, not knowing where is she now, hurts me even more...
the doc said that there are lots of instances where sedation patients can hear us out there, but it's only a chance, not a guarantee...
i blame myself too, i'm probably haven't done enough to lead her to Christ...
