Molested!

[lavenderskies]

I was reading some of the threads here, and have decided to post my story. I am posting this just in case someone else is dealing with these issues and wants to talk to someone who has been there.
Molestation is a horrible thing to experience in life. For me, it took place when I was in 7th grade. I was at my grandpa's house. He had 3 adult children who still lived at home. One of my uncles was always a little weird and the family often said he was "a little off". Well back then there was a game system called Atari. I wanted to play it. I asked him to play with me and he said ok. Well, he said for me to pick a game so I started randomly picking the games I liked. He kept saying no. Then I started naming all the games one by one, and he still said no. The next thing I remember is that he put his arm around me from behind, and placed his hand in my crotch pulling me to him. At the same time he placed my hand on his genitals. Then before I knew it, he was laying on top of me. Thankfully my aunt walked in, he got startled and moved and said we were wrestling!!!! I went right to where my dad was and clung to his side till we left. When I got home I told my mom the details. She did not deal with it well and made it worse by telling me I had to tell my dad all the details. I was so embarrassed and scared since it was his brother. I wanted mom to tell him but she refused. My dad called his brother and he admitted what he did. He agreed to get help. Then a couple hours later he called and took it all back and said I lied. We did not talk to them for many many years. Not until my grandpa was dying. I have not seen that man since the day my father was buried. I am glad to have him out of my life, but I also worry since I know he is allowed to babysit his young neice unsupervised. there is nothing I can do about it except pray.

 

[lavenderskies]

Now let me tell you about the next horror that the demon of molestation brought into my life. I had dated this man for many years off and on. In fact he was the brother of one of my best friends. He had been around my two oldests kids for years. After over 5 years of dating, we finally married Sept of 2001. Then July 5, 2002 at around 2am, my daughter screams for me. She had just turned 12. She told me the man I had married was molesting her and had been for a few months. He had progressed from touching her through her clothing, to going under her clothing, to performing oral sex on her forcefully. I immediatly knew she was telling me the truth, I could tell by the way she looked, the trembling, the fear in her eyes. I confronted my at the time husband right then. He immediatly admitted what he had done. I had him sit in the living room, piled lots of heavy things by my daughter and told her if the door opened and it was him to start throwing things. I realized my youngest daughter had laid in the top bunk above her sister as all this abuse took place. I then went to my son's room and closed his door.
Next I went to my room and got three guns out of the closet. I loaded them and laid them on the bed. I just stood there wondering which gun would damage him enough so he could not come after me and would cause him a nice slow painful death. I realize this is not a rational christian thought, but at that moment all I knew was he hurt my child, he stole something from her that was irreplaceable. I wanted him dead. As I stood there with tears streaming down my face, I felt as though someone or something grabbed my shoulders, and shook me, saying "who will take care of the kids if you go to prison". Right then, I knew as much as I wanted to kill him, I could not. My oldest kids father was not in their life and he was convicted of raping a 14 year old after we divorced, I could not submit my kids to that. The father of my youngest child was not in her life either. I went to the kitchen (he was in my sight at all times) and called his sister, also my best friend. I told her what had happened and I needed her to come get the guns so I would not use them, and so he would not use them.
My nightmare had begun.
He was out of the house immediatly. We went through 2 years of hell. We had to deal with detectives, court all the time, and worst of all a CPS worker who had no kids and thought she was God! She tried to tell me I had to divorce him immediatly although the state prosecutor told me to wait till after his criminal trial was done. She told me if I did not she would take my kids. I was smart and recorded all our conversations, you can do that in my state. I played the tape for the judge, and the woman was threatened with jail time by the judge, she was removed from my case, and then moved out of the state.
My daughter and I went through a lot. The judge told me she had never in her life seen a victim of molestation that actually went to the mother to tell. She told me she knew I was a great mom and had a great relationship with my kids.
We went through 2 years of counseling. It was hard to find literature for a child dealing with being molested but we finally found a great book for her. We also went to a pastoral counselor and that helped a lot.
There were a few positive sides to what happened. Its amazing but only God could bring some good of all this. My once shy daughter who wanted noone to know she was molested decided to give a speech at her very large high school about being molested. She gave her speech and through the grace of God 3 kids came forward that day and admitted they had been or were currently being molested by someone. They were able to get help.
Right after my child was molested I really tried to turn to God, but I was so angry at God. I felt he should have protected her. I turned away from God and turned to alcohol and marijuana. I spent a year of my life living that life. Then I met a wonderful man, and fell in love. He was a new christian. Well, he told me that he knew when he met me he was going to have to leave the arms of God and walk to the gates of hell for me, in order to save me. He took that walk. He not only took that walk but stuck by my side through it all. We married this past November, after over 2 years of living together. We became drug and alcohol free Aug 16, 2004. We gave our lives back to God. We also went to our pastor and told him we were trying to get things right with God and knew we had to get married, but wanted it to be a man of God and in the presence of God. He told us to come to church in two weeks and he would marry us. Well, November 20 we did just that.
I am so amazed at where I was 5 years ago, and where I am today. God has truly blessed me. Now my husband is adopting my children, he is giving them a real father for the first time in their lives. My daughter even talks to him about what she went through and he understands because he was a victim in the past also.
It is said if you are molested as a child, you will be a molester....well my family proves that God can end that generational curse. God brought us out of that bondage and set us FREE!!!!

Please if anyone has been through this, or is going through this and wants to talk, please contact me. Its so hard to face and be alone. There are good resources out there, it just takes a while to find them. I can point you to them right away. I want to use this experience to help others. Know you are not alone. God is with you, and you can survive with God's help.

 

[starprincess]

I am truly touched by your story and also AMAZED at how GOD works in our situations, that we feel nothing can be done about it.

GOD BLESS YOU

 

[Tubachick]

That was a perfect example of showing how AWESOME God is! Thanks for sharing your story. I'll be praying for you and your family. God Bless!!!