justaman said:
I hear you, but it's an unavoidable problem with abstinence programs. I think there is much more pressure to get married under an abstinence program than there is pressure to have sex in society. In fact I think there are laws against that last one. You say you wouldn't advocate it, but by saying 'there's nothing wrong with choosing abstinence' you effectively are. There are problems with it, this is one of them.
You are right, there is more pressure. One is always under pressure when striving for righteousness.
justaman said:
No, I advocate having more than one sexual relationship before you decide on who you are going to spend 50-60 years with. Sort of a no-brainer I'd have thought.
I see where you are coming from, from worldy standards. My standards are set on christian standards though, and they definetly do not encourage this.
justaman said:
The two go hand-in-hand. How many abstinent teens carry condoms in their wallets do you reckon? It's not just information, it's attitude.
You kind of went wround his statement. Abstinence keeps one safe from pregnancy 100% (unless you are the virgin marry.) And just for your information, I have never even touched a condom, and I am alost 20, and have been in MANY unfortunate "sexual" relationships, but never had sex.
justaman said:
So I suppose all of your fun is gleaned from deep, meaningful pursuits? You also are a roller-coaster-avoider?
Some things in life are just fun. If just having fun for the sake of having fun is childish, screw ever growing up
Very childish... Sex is a gift not to be abused. Those who do end up with the consequences we are discussing. I personally don't want my wife to have to deal with a step child or an STD. It's statements like yours above that show the one does not realize their actions will affects others just as much as the person making the poor choice.
justaman said:
Of course, I never said emotion could not be involved. But you, like some of the others here, are assuming I am talking explicitly about one-night-stands. I'm not. While there is certainly nothing wrong with them, they do get old, for the reasons you've been talking about. You can fall in love and have a sexual relationship and not get married. THIS is what I'm advocating. It isn't necessarily a marriage vs one-night-stand duel that you guys seem to be making it into.
Thats the thing, there is no difference between that in Gods eyes, which all that I care about. If I have sex with her, I am telling her that I willing to make choices that will affect me my whole life, whether I know her for one night, or over a year. Sex is a life long affecting choice. Not just a 15 minute time of plesure.
"While there is certainly nothing wrong with them, they do get old"
Do you think there will be any difference with your spouse? No, there won't. That makes me sad for those who are already desensitised to sex.
justaman said:
Now it's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] or death? Are you sure you aren't being obtuse? The likelihood of catching a fatal disease when practicing safe sex is minute. Of course abstinence is a 100% way of assuring std avoidance, but never driving is a 100% guarantee of never being in an accident. They are directly analogous, I was not being obtuse, I am - in fact - quite serious. You are being wantonly dramatic in your conception of stds.
This claim is completly conditional. With me being a guy, if I wanted to find a girl to have sex, it will probably be a girl that has had sex before many times cause most of the girls I know don't want sex so quickly or easily. So in reallity, one more likely to find an STD carrying partner. I think of it be very wreckless and actually inconsiderate of your future spous to make such a rash decision.
justaman said:
Again, stay away from rollercoasters, they can and have killed people. It is exactly the same logic as you are using here. Am I wrong?
Yes, cause a roller coaster doesn't spread to other people, especially the ones you care about enough to have sex with.
justaman said:
The dichotomy usually is sex or no sex. Not sex or sex with love. This is a common conceptual error, I think. In the more accurate former dilemma, sex has the immediate upper hand.
But once more, you create this realm where not being abstinent = having one night stands. This is rot, feral. Utter rot. I would not advocate one-night-stands to the degree that I would advocate sex outside of wedlock but in a loving relationship. That said, one-night-stands are also fantastic learning tools, but are understandably not for the faint of heart.
Learning experiance? Sorry, but it does not take a genious to give a person good sex. It is actually a lot like dancing. You can learn to dance all you want, and you can learn very awesome BASIC things, but the actuall rythem of it comes naturally. Yes, this coming from a virgin who's girlfriend does not really care how good sex is.
justaman said:
Yes, sex outside of wedlock is an embodiment of the devil. Sheesh. It's sex, man. Not ritual suicide.
Fornication is sin, which is a type of spiritual death. Yes, it is suicide for us.
justaman said:
Sure. But if being scared of everything which could possibly do you permanent harm is your way of dealing with life, I'd say the same to you
It's about living in sacraficial love (not dieing sacrifice, but possetional and comfortability sacraficial), quite the opposite of self gradification, which is what sex tends to be in most cases.
justaman said:
The leap of logic you take here is immense and I would
love to see you try and justify it
It's a fact, about 52% of all marriages in the USA have been divorced.
justaman said:
The learning point should be that they never have to feel any of these emotions after sex. If they choose their first partner wisely, I doubt they'd feel it anyway.
If you feel no emotions then I greatly pitty you.
justaman said:
I have a good friend of mine who is a (freaking attractive) Christian. Now she has had sex with three different people and has decided that she will now wait until marriage. She doesn't regret her partners, nor does she think of sex in a cheap casual way. She has had one one-night-stand, she has had one very long very serious relationship, and one which was somewhere in between (I think he was a hot or something. Chicks man.) The point being, she has experienced the gambit of sexual emotions and has learnt from them. She is comfortable with her sexuality and is more prepared for the big relationship to come. I find this approach difficult to fault. Had she only had the one serious relationship and then decided to wait, I wouldn't fault that either. At least have some background knowledge before throwing yourself into the deep end.
I feel the same way with my past relationships. Christians technically should not regret anything unless it has negativly affect someone else. Nevertheless, I would feel better if I had not of been in my sexual relationships.
justaman said:
Ok, I haven't really been talking about young people. I'm talking specifically about mature adults who still remain abstinent due to some (wayward) moral arithmetic.
So I guess whatever you don't understand is automatically wrong or illogical?