Modesty Question?

[KaylaHansa]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and signed up because I though it would be a great place for Christian discussion.

I have been struggling with modesty lately and am a little bit confused because I have heard and read so many different opinions and don't know what to listen to. I realize that modesty is really an issue of the heart but I still don't want to cause my brothers to stumble with my outer apperance. The problem is, I don't know what causes guys to stumble! Cause some guys say a mid-thigh length skirt is perfectly fine and acceptable while other guys say a skirt should go below the knee.

Now, when I wear a skirt below my knee I look really frumpy. I'm okay with dressing more conservatively but I don't want to look frumpy. My legs are short and my torso is long so when I wear anything below my knees I look out-of-porportion and frumpy. I rather wear a skirt down to my ankles because it lengths my legs.

So my question is, do knees or a tiny bit of thigh really makes guys stumble? Does it really give you guys a hard time?

Thanks for the help!

 

[Iosias]

Does it really give you guys a hard time?

But to answer your question, not really. My advice is to wear what you are happy with!

 

[KaylaHansa]

Well even if I like something, I don't want to wear it if it makes guys stumble.

 

[Iosias]

I think you can over think things, blokes will be thinking about sex regardless of how long your dress is.

 

[SeventhValley]

It's not about the guys. You could be in a burka and we would find a way to fantasize.

Do you think it is modest? What would you think if you saw another woman wearing it?

 

[ProudMomxmany]

I wear mostly skirts and dresses...I prefer at the knee or longer. For tops, I will wear sleeveless, but not something that is low cut in the front. However, there are times when shorts or jeans are appropriate...like when it's 112 degrees outside or going horseback riding!

The truth is, guys will think about female attributes no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're covered from head to toe or running around darn near naked.

My choices are based on what pleases my husband. He prefers me in more "feminine" clothes so I oblige. Also, living where its hot, dresses and skirts are usually much cooler. That said...I do wear bathing suits...in my backyard pool. I would not wear it anywhere else.

 

[Pteriax]

I think the reason for knee length or longer skirts / dresses is how modest they are when you sit down. Something to think about.

 

[KaylaHansa]

It's not about the guys. You could be in a burka and we would find a way to fantasize.

Well yeah that's why I'm not wearing a burka but I don't think that justifies me dressing like a hooker. I don't want to be a stumbling block to my brothers but I also don't want to put unnecessary blame on myself. So basically I'm trying to find the golden medium.

 

[KaylaHansa]

I think the reason for knee length or longer skirts / dresses is how modest they are when you sit down. Something to think about.

I have thought about this, but if a just-above-the-knee skirt is voluminous and has movement, it will usually drape over the top of knees when you sit down.

 

[sisgood]

I tend to make an inch or two above the knee my limit on acceptable attire for skirts - especially as I sit on the front row in choir and have no wish to flash the church if I cross my legs the wrong way!

As far as tops go, a little history is required. I had to have breast reduction surgery earlier this year. Before, I slouched all the time due to being pulled forward so much, and was showing clevege unless I was wearing something like a turtle-neck. Now, I'm rather reveling in the fact that I DON'T get random stares anymore, and have worn some pretty low tops since. I guess I feel like I am showing less than before the surgery. Maybe I will stop this and go back to being a bit more conservative when the shiny newness wears off.

On a side note, did any other ladies out there dress less conservatively after marriage?

 

[ProudMomxmany]

On a side note, did any other ladies out there dress less conservatively after marriage?

I started dressing more conservatively after marriage. I grew up in the south, was a red-blooded redneck. Daisy Dukes, halter tops, bikinis. However, I was NOT a Christian at the time. When my husband and I became Christians, I felt a conviction that the way I dressed was not honoring God or my husband. I started dressing in skirts/dresses only, nothing sleeveless, no tank tops, no bathing suits (and I lived near the ocean). As I've gotten older, I've moderated a bit, I will wear shorts, jeans, tank tops and bathing suits...however, shorts, tank tops and bathing suits are only worn in my house or backyard.

My daughters have grown up wearing skirts/dresses almost all the time. Even now, they still prefer skirts to pants. 3 of my daughters wear pants to work, one is a nurse (scrubs), one is a cop, the other is an EMT.

Its not a salvation issue for me...it's a conviction and I do not feel the need to force my conviction on others.

 

[contango]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and signed up because I though it would be a great place for Christian discussion.

I have been struggling with modesty lately and am a little bit confused because I have heard and read so many different opinions and don't know what to listen to. I realize that modesty is really an issue of the heart but I still don't want to cause my brothers to stumble with my outer apperance. The problem is, I don't know what causes guys to stumble! Cause some guys say a mid-thigh length skirt is perfectly fine and acceptable while other guys say a skirt should go below the knee.

Now, when I wear a skirt below my knee I look really frumpy. I'm okay with dressing more conservatively but I don't want to look frumpy. My legs are short and my torso is long so when I wear anything below my knees I look out-of-porportion and frumpy. I rather wear a skirt down to my ankles because it lengths my legs.

So my question is, do knees or a tiny bit of thigh really makes guys stumble? Does it really give you guys a hard time?

Thanks for the help!

The thing to be most concerned about is how much you show when you're seated, especially if you're in the band and seated on stage facing the congregation or similar, or how much you'll show if you're moving about or leaning forward or whatever.

Some men would lust after an outline in a burqa - there's only so much you can do before you have to expect us to take responsibility for our own thoughts. That said in my church there are a few young mothers who lean right forward to tend to their (small) children while wearing loose tops, one young woman (who doesn't come any more) who always wore tight jeans with the whale-tail of her thong showing, and the like. Although it's obviously my responsibility what I do with anything I see, that kind of thing can be very distracting.

 

[Bella Vita]

There are a lot of great blogs by Christian women on how to dress modestly yet fashionable. Modesty does not have to mean grandma or frumpy. Just do a google search and I am sure you will find some they are great. Use common sense of course but you don't have to sacrifice fashion. There are a lot of cute things out there for Christian girls to wear. And if you have an issue with a shirt being cut to low but don't wanna get rid of the shirt style it with a cute scarf. Also long shirts are in so that is easy to cover your back side or just using an undershirt and tucking it into your pants I do this a lot. Thankfully a lot of the fashions are moving in the direction of modest. Also pinterest is another thing that is your friend I get great styling ideas from there. I am so excited fall is coming up I love my riding boots, cardigans, scarves and sweaters!

 

[HonestTruth]

wear spike heels and your legs will look longer - you'll also feel more confident when you walk

 

[singlecandle]

I've heard people say that if it distracts people from looking at your face then it is probably not tasteful.

 

[Johnnz]

I'm not a single so one post and I'm out.

There is no plimsoll line that defines modesty in dressing. Once ankles were daring. Then knees. Other times hair length, shoulders, nylon stockings, uncovered head. Many modestly dressed women in a Sunday service are considered immodest by many devout Muslims.

The stumbling issue is very overworked. Any guy can look at a woman no matter how well covered she is and still think sexually. Do we imagine Muslim men have no issues with sexual arousal because their women are covered up? That's an issue for guys to confront.

Attitude is just as important and can convey far more than clothes can very often. Wear what you are comfortable with and leave the guys to get on with their own paths towards holiness.

John
NZ

 

[KaylaHansa]

I feel like I conveyed the wrong message. I know that men are responsible for their own thoughts and I do believe some Christians wrongly switch the blame to women. I completely agree that you don't have to compromise fashion/beauty to be modest.

However, to be a loving sister in Christ, I do not want to wear anything that makes my brothers exceptionally struggle. I'm sure some men can be tempted by me if a wear a dress down to the floor, but even more so if a wear a mini-skirt, right?

I've read that skirts/shorts that do not cover knees, form-fitting pants, sleeveless tops (how can arms be seductive?), ect are immodest which to me doesn't make too much sense... so I just wanted to see if this was actually true...

 

[contango]

I feel like I conveyed the wrong message. I know that men are responsible for their own thoughts and I do believe some Christians wrongly switch the blame to women. I completely agree that you don't have to compromise fashion/beauty to be modest.

However, to be a loving sister in Christ, I do not want to wear anything that makes my brothers exceptionally struggle. I'm sure some men can be tempted by me if a wear a dress down to the floor, but even more so if a wear a mini-skirt, right?

I've read that skirts/shorts that do not cover knees, form-fitting pants, sleeveless tops (how can arms be seductive?), ect are immodest which to me doesn't make too much sense... so I just wanted to see if this was actually true...

A man who can't cope with seeing a woman's knees probably shouldn't be going out in public at all during the summer - he'll see a lot more than just knees.

For me modesty is about respecting yourself as much as anything else. I compare and contrast a couple of ladies at my church with the wife of a good friend. Some of the ladies at church will lean right forward to fuss with their children and, as you can probably imagine, end up showing quite a lot of skin that wouldn't normally be seen. My friend's wife sometimes needs to stoop down or lean forward but when she does she holds her top against her chest. It makes it much easier to talk with her when she's dealing with the kids because with such a small step it avoids that awkwardness of the whole "where do I look?" situation, where constantly looking somewhere totally different feels rude and yet looking at the person you're talking to essentially involves looking down her cleavage which also feels rude.

Two friends of my wife's often wear short skirts. One of them is obviously aware of how her skirt moves depending on how he sits and always sits in a way that doesn't reveal more than she plans. The other seems much less aware, which creates that slightly awkward sense when her children are around and talking to the children without looking over their heads or across the room pretty much means looking up her skirt.

As a man it's awkward to be presented with that kind of situation, and also awkward to figure out how to convey the message that she might be showing more than she intends.

It's not a difficult thing to do - you can wear whatever makes you comfortable, and just be aware of how your clothing moves when you move.

 

[mandyangel]

I believe that there is absolutely NO reason whatsoever to be ashamed or feel we have to hide the body that God hand made for us himself. If people choose to cover up, thats fine. But nobody should make somebody else feel bad if they don't wanna cover up in that way. Its not just appearance wise or "how it looks" for some girls --- body temperature problems can also make you wholely uncomfortable if I wear anything more than shorts or a skirt.

 

[desmalia]

I started dressing more conservatively after marriage.

Me too. I think partly just because I've grown up more since then, and also partly because I became more aware of how I was trying to attract men before I got married. Given, I still dressed very conservatively by today's standards. But there are things I used to wear that I wouldn't think of wearing anymore. My point of view is related to my husband and how I can honour him and the Lord when I am in public.

There are a lot of great blogs by Christian women on how to dress modestly yet fashionable. Modesty does not have to mean grandma or frumpy. Just do a google search and I am sure you will find some they are great. Use common sense of course but you don't have to sacrifice fashion. There are a lot of cute things out there for Christian girls to wear. And if you have an issue with a shirt being cut to low but don't wanna get rid of the shirt style it with a cute scarf. Also long shirts are in so that is easy to cover your back side or just using an undershirt and tucking it into your pants I do this a lot. Thankfully a lot of the fashions are moving in the direction of modest. Also pinterest is another thing that is your friend I get great styling ideas from there. I am so excited fall is coming up I love my riding boots, cardigans, scarves and sweaters!

Well said!
A couple of other tips - if you find a shirt you really like but it's too low cut, you can sew a piece of material onto the front where it is too low, making it look like you have another shirt on underneath. You can buy these with velcro if you have the money, but I find sewing them myself more affordable. If the shirt is great, but not long enough for your long torso (I have this issue as well), you can cut the bottom half off an old t-shirt and wear it around your waste/hips, just under the new shirt, so it has the look of a layered effect.