Mixed Marriages...

[BjBarnett]

ya know i just realized that this thread started out about mixing races and everyone (for the most part) was against that because they thought it was racist but now people are saying that you shouldnt mix with a Catholic (or atleast thats how it sounds). thats kinda ironic...

 

[SumTinWong]

ya know i just realized that this thread started out about mixing races and everyone (for the most part) was against that because they thought it was racist but now people are saying that you shouldnt mix with a Catholic (or atleast thats how it sounds). thats kinda ironic...

I don't remember reading that but I will take your word for it, and sorry if it came off that way. Seems to me if anyone IS saying that then they are just as wrong as the racist.

By the way I got the whole marriage thing (having to raise the child catholic, I also heard it on catholic answers live) and you two being of different faiths from here: http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=8283124&postcount=5

and from here:

If a Catholic wishes to marry a non-Catholic Christian (someone who is baptized), the Catholic requires the permission of the Diocesan Bishop (called a “permission for mixed religion marriage”) and must promise to raise the children in the faith. This marriage is a sacrament, but the Church requires this special permission in order to underline her desire that spouses share the same religious belief or at least are not opposed to the beliefs of the other.

http://www.dwc.org/questions/Marriage/interfaith.htm

 

[RED that's ME]

The main reason that you are getting opposition is that when a couple marries they should agree on most subjects be like-minded and coming from two different religious backgrounds is not being like-minded and even though kids might be "down the road" you can't just put your head in the sand and work it out "when you get there". Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a couple should agree ahead of time IMO on many different areas such has religion and agreeing on how to raise their children BEFORE marrying.
No matter "how in love" a couple is before marriage when major different of opinions happens it cause rifts in the marriage. I am your age too but you need to get counseling and listen to people who are/have been in this situation. A couple needs to be like-minded before marriage or they're asking for problems.

 

[BjBarnett]

The main reason that you are getting opposition is that when a couple marries they should agree on most subjects be like-minded and coming from two different religious backgrounds is not being like-minded and even though kids might be "down the road" you can't just put your head in the sand and work it out "when you get there". Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a couple should agree ahead of time IMO on many different areas such has religion and agreeing on how to raise their children BEFORE marrying.
No matter "how in love" a couple is before marriage when major different of opinions happens it cause rifts in the marriage. I am your age too but you need to get counseling and listen to people who are/have been in this situation. A couple needs to be like-minded before marriage or they're asking for problems.

thank you for the advice RED

 

[CrystalBrooke]

First of all, I am sooo...not going to counseling, and i mean that in the nicest way possible i really do. ive been around people in this situation, his grandparents, his grandmother was baptist, and his grandfather was catholic. they raised 6 kids, im pretty sure at one point or the other he took them with him to mass (ben correct me if im wrong) they had one child christened, their marriage worked, i know that doesnt give any proof that mine will, but its an example of how it can work.

 

[SumTinWong]

i know that doesnt give any proof that mine will, but its an example of how it can work.

I wish you both the best of everything, and it is my hope that your marriage is a successful one!

 

[BjBarnett]

First of all, I am sooo...not going to counseling, and i mean that in the nicest way possible i really do. ive been around people in this situation, his grandparents, his grandmother was baptist, and his grandfather was catholic. they raised 6 kids, im pretty sure at one point or the other he took them with him to mass (ben correct me if im wrong) they had one child christened, their marriage worked, i know that doesnt give any proof that mine will, but its an example of how it can work.

yes, my grandmother and grandfather ended up having one child christened. My grandmother decided that she didnt want to have her children christened and decided to let the child choose. My grandfather agreed because its not logical to scrap a loving marriage over one disagreement like that.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I wish you both the best of everything, and it is my hope that your marriage is a successful one!

thank you so very much, you have no idea what it means to me to hear that!

 

[RED that's ME]

First of all, I am sooo...not going to counseling, and i mean that in the nicest way possible i really do. ive been around people in this situation, his grandparents, his grandmother was baptist, and his grandfather was catholic. they raised 6 kids, im pretty sure at one point or the other he took them with him to mass (ben correct me if im wrong) they had one child christened, their marriage worked, i know that doesnt give any proof that mine will, but its an example of how it can work.

That is really sad about not wanting counseling cause a couple should want to be prepared as best as they can for marriage. (I'm not saying you're not) My mom has counselled many women in this area and she has seen the heartache that it has/can cause. If you want the best marriage possible you will try to make it happen from the very start by being as knowledgeable as possible. You can also go into the women's forum here and read other women's problems with having to deal with marrying a person who is not like-minded. You don't wait for a disaster to happen to get prepared you plan ahead. (not saying your marriage will be)

 

[TexasCatholic]

I guess we'll stay on this topic lol. i dont have to agree to raise our kids catholic, they are supposed to do everything in their power to see that the children are raised catholic, and if they are a devout catholic then they are going to, my bf is in the process of converting to catholicism, but he said that we do not have to raise our kids catholic, but i know that would be completly unfair to him, so we'll comprimise on that. I dont know how because kids are a long ways from now. any one else like to give me any advice?

I really don't think you understand that he has to make this PROMISE to a PRIEST. Not just some internal formality thing. You will be sitting there in the room with him, and he will have to promise in the presence of GOD and his PRIEST that he will do EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER to raise his kids Catholic!!!!!

If he does not make this promise, his church will NOT RECOGNIZE THE MARRIAGE.

I really do think you need to do some more reading, attend mass, and perhaps have a chat with his priest.

-James

 

[RED that's ME]

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[CrystalBrooke]

I really don't think you understand that he has to make this PROMISE to a PRIEST. Not just some internal formality thing. You will be sitting there in the room with him, and he will have to promise in the presence of GOD and his PRIEST that he will do EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER to raise his kids Catholic!!!!!

If he does not make this promise, his church will NOT RECOGNIZE THE MARRIAGE.

I really do think you need to do some more reading, attend mass, and perhaps have a chat with his priest.

-James

i have 2 questions for you,
1. have you ever studied catholicism
2. how do "know" this

you dont seem to understand that i know what im talkin about...i may not be catholic but i ask them questions frequently and i ask my Catholic bf questions too. i dont need advice from someone who doesnt know what they are talkin about. thanks anyways

 

[TexasCatholic]

i have 2 questions for you,
1. have you ever studied catholicism

Yes.

2. how do "know" this

I've discussed it with my Catholic ex-girlfriend and read countless pieces of information on it, including advice from Catholic Priests and other Catholic sources.

Also, as mentioned, I recommend you ask questions of a Catholic priest and most definitely don't take the word of anyone on ChristianForums.com as the final authority. Your BF is a recent convert, and a very young guy. He doesn't seem to know some basics. That's fine, as long as both of you are willing to learn and understand. Denial isn't going to help you.

As I said, I'm not going to try to convince/discuss it anymore. I pass along my best wishes for the both of you, once again.

God Bless,

-James

 

[Sinai]

I've always been taught that races shouldn't mix, blacks and whites in particular. My family is not racist by no means, they just think that it's best if people don't mix in marriage. But what about people who are half black and half white. And what about other races, is seems to me that mixing is only looked down upon when a white and black mix, but what about mexican, japanese, chinese...ect.. Thoughts?

Of all the things that make us unique individuals and help to determine who we are as particular human beings, the amount and type of pigmentation in our skin cells has to rate right down toward the bottom! Unfortunately, however, it is among the most obvious characteristics. Thus, folks have historically placed an inflated importance upon it.

I might note in passing that it has always struck me as being rather ironic that some folks raise a ruckus about a black dating or marrying a white (even if they grew up together, attended the same schools and church and were in the same clubs and activities)--but seemingly have no problems when a Caucasian marries an Oriental (even though they are not only different races, but may also be from different nationalites, different cultures, different religions, different educational backgrounds and different backgrounds). But the pigmentation is similar....

Having said all that, let me add one word of caution: Although marrying a person of a different race probably shouldn't make a difference, the couple should seriously and prayerfully consider whether it will make a difference to their family, friends, coworkers--and the folks their children will encounter--before getting serious about each other. Too many marriages today (including Christian marriages) are unsuccessful to not take this potential additional hurdle into account.