Missing my grandmother

[pentecostalgirl0414]

I have not been online for a while but I wanted to post a little something here. Hope no one minds.

I just recently lost my grandmother October 18, 2009. She had been in hospice for about 3 months. She was fighting a 30 year battle. I had been helping take care of her for about 12 years. I was with her the night she passed away at home holding her hand. I really miss her and am really not sure what to do. I was very close to my grandmother. I think one of the hardest things for me is 4 days before she passed away, my husband and I found out that I am pregnant. This would have been her first great grandmother. All of the other women in my family had my nanny there for them when they where pregnant and I guess I really wish I had that. I know that God has a reason for everything even when we do not know what that reason is. I know that God is going to help me through this time but it is still painful.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

 

[Criada]

Of course we don't mind, sweetie, that's what this forum is for!
I am so sorry for your loss... it must be very hard to come to terms with if you were that close... and the hormones surging around when you are pregnant will make you even more emotional.
Be gentle with yourself sweetie, let yourself grieve, and treasure the happy memories. Could you make a scrapbook of your nanny's life that you can share with your baby when he/she is old enough?

Praying for you.

 

[pentecostalgirl0414]

Thank you for responding. I hadn't thought of making a scrapbook. That is a good idea. I would like for my daughter to grow up knowing who my nanny was. I just wish that she where here for this. I am trying to let myself grieve but it is hard because I feel like I have to be the strong one. With her passing, a lot of things where left up to me and I feel like if I where to display any type of emotion that would make me the weak one. I guess I am so used to taking care of everyone else that I forget about myself and when I do take care of myself, I feel selfish.

I really appreciate the prayers.
Thanks.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

I am sorry for your loss; I too have lost my grandmothers

She is close to your heart, where the special memories will live on.

Praying for your strength and peace during this difficult time

 

[Criada]

Thank you for responding. I hadn't thought of making a scrapbook. That is a good idea. I would like for my daughter to grow up knowing who my nanny was. I just wish that she where here for this. I am trying to let myself grieve but it is hard because I feel like I have to be the strong one. With her passing, a lot of things where left up to me and I feel like if I where to display any type of emotion that would make me the weak one. I guess I am so used to taking care of everyone else that I forget about myself and when I do take care of myself, I feel selfish.

I really appreciate the prayers.
Thanks.

It is great to look after everyone else, but you need to look after you as well. The bible says to love others as yourself... it's easy to forget that you can't do that unless you first love yourself!
Emotions are natural, and it isn't weak to grieve, sweetie.

Praying that you can find the time and the desire to look after yourself