Missing Church

[ChickadeeGrace]

I'm a single mom of 2 young kids working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. I have been going to church for a couple of years now since my divorce and have found a church family I love. One Sunday a month, I don't have my kids (I work Mon-Friday and Saturdays I don't have my kids). I skip church that Sunday about 75% of the time to try to catch up on sleep. My mom also attends my church (relatively small congregation) and has started making me feel extremely selfish and guilty when I skip. My daughter has a birthday party this Sunday (Palm Sunday at 11am) that I accidentally rsvp'd yes to already. My mom said if I miss church for the party she will have to tell everyone why and i will be judged poorly.

Does skipping on occasion make me a bad Christian or less of a Christian?

 

[Sketcher]

It's not a good thing. You miss a lot - worship time with the congregation, the sermon, communion if it's being served that Sunday, opportunities to apply your faith through service, people there to love and also to learn from. I need to get back on the horse with church attendance myself. I don't know if missing it makes me "bad" but it probably stunts my growth as a believer.

 

[Basil the Great]

Sleep is important. Only you can decide the issue.

 

[crossnote]

My mom said if I miss church for the party she will have to tell everyone why and i will be judged poorly.

That's definitely manipulative on your mom's part. You do as you are convicted before the Lord.

 

[usexpat97]

There is a Christian song from Paul Smith that goes, "If Jesus rose from the dead, then we can get out of bed."

If God has been so good to you, then why miss church? The Ten Commandments do say, "Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy." Don't get sidetracked by elsewhere on christianforums where they debate day and night whether sabbath just absolutely has to be on Saturday or not. The bottom line is, set some time aside for God. Just like the tithe. And that time should be in church, so iron can sharpen iron.

So forget about whether it makes YOU bad or not. God asked you, and God is good. Do it for God! Church is God's house--this is your time together. Don't make Him sad. Would you do it to your mom?

 

[ripple the car]

I agree that your mom is being a bit harsh. We should go to church not so that people think well of us, but to get refueled spiritually, taught, fellowship, worship, pray, and give thanks. It's important. Do try to get to Sunday worship. Your soul will thank you.

 

[ChickadeeGrace]

I agree that I miss out on fellowship and growth opportunities. I also know that I don't function well when I'm run ragged unfortunately.

I also feel bad about the birthday party and wish it was later in the day and we could do both. They are close friends and I was unaware the party started so early when I agreed to go.

 

[DM25]

Personally I don't feel guilty when I skip church at all. Church is made for us, not us for the church. I go because I enjoy it and I like fellowship, not legalistically, and that's how it should be. The church is not where our faith should be rooted, the bible is. That's how it's always been for me because I didn't grow up with the church. Everything I learned was on my own because I wanted to know about God and get close to him and learn from the bible directly. I understand someone who grew up in the church and felt they grew significantly in it would feel differently. If I miss it then there's always next week. And I never feel convicted that God doesn't like that if I miss it. God cares more about your heart in general not how often you go to church. Sometimes I miss it if I need to study that day or if I didn't get enough sleep the day before. The sermons are posted online so if I want to hear the sermon I would go and hear it. How often you go to church isn't what makes you a better Christian. For the first year of my Christian walk I didn't go to church at all but simply fellowshipped online usually. I started going to church one year after I got saved and enjoyed it, ended up getting water baptized in the church that I attend now.

 

[Sketcher]

I agree that I miss out on fellowship and growth opportunities. I also know that I don't function well when I'm run ragged and unfortunately.

I also feel bad about the birthday party and wish it was later in the day and we could do both. They are close friends and I was unaware the party started so early when I agreed to go.

There have been special occasions I've had to miss due to night shift work, I understand sleep issues too. But I do regret having to miss those occasions.

 

[ChickadeeGrace]

I don't go to church to look good in front of others. I do it for me and for my girls. That's why we never miss when they are with me unless someone is sick. This Sunday would be the rare exception.

I always regret not going when I take a day to rest but I also feel renewed and energized and better able to focus on life, God included, when I'm not just trying to keep my eyes open. Between multiple jobs and an irregular custody schedule, it feel like we are constantly on the run. Sometimes, slowing down really helps me refocus.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

I'm a single mom of 2 young kids working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. I have been going to church for a couple of years now since my divorce and have found a church family I love. One Sunday a month, I don't have my kids (I work Mon-Friday and Saturdays I don't have my kids). I skip church that Sunday about 75% of the time to try to catch up on sleep. My mom also attends my church (relatively small congregation) and has started making me feel extremely selfish and guilty when I skip. My daughter has a birthday party this Sunday (Palm Sunday at 11am) that I accidentally rsvp'd yes to already. My mom said if I miss church for the party she will have to tell everyone why and i will be judged poorly.

Does skipping on occasion make me a bad Christian or less of a Christian?

Being judged? By THEM? HAHAHAHAHA Who cares? God knows your heart, not them.

 

[PD7]

The heart thing... If you love the Lord, it typically is the highlight of the week to be in church. Is this a warning sign for you?

 

[ChickadeeGrace]

I do look forward to going to church. But I'll admit, after multiple sleepless nights and burning the candle at both ends, a day to refuel on sleep is what makes me power through.
Though I miss out on fellowship, I can still listen to the sermon online (not the same, I know) and still spend time with God. I feel like it's a catch 22...
I know in my heart I love God no matter where I am. I was at peace with my decision because I know that I won't always be sleep deprived and can commit more time to actually going to church in the future. My mom's judgement and disapproval is what is really getting to me. I make the best choices I can given my current situation. I know my choices won't always be the "right" choice, but I'm doing better today than I did in the past. My faith is constantly growing no matter where I am. But I will acknowledge that it is easier to grow when I am with others.

 

[ripple the car]

I do look forward to going to church. But I'll admit, after multiple sleepless nights and burning the candle at both ends, a day to refuel on sleep is what makes me power through.
Though I miss out on fellowship, I can still listen to the sermon online (not the same, I know) and still spend time with God. I feel like it's a catch 22...
I know in my heart I love God no matter where I am. I was at peace with my decision because I know that I won't always be sleep deprived and can commit more time to actually going to church in the future. My mom's judgement and disapproval is what is really getting to me. I make the best choices I can given my current situation. I know my choices won't always be the "right" choice, but I'm doing better today than I did in the past. My faith is constantly growing no matter where I am. But I will acknowledge that it is easier to grow when I am with others.

Could you find a fellowship that meets in the evening?

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

You know what I like, apropos of nothing, but reading a bible chapter and then listening to a podcast on it and getting the 'play-by-play' rundown from a knowledgeable scholar. Kind of like listening to sports talk after the super bowl

 

[usexpat97]

Maybe we should back up a bit: emphasize not so much attending church, but your relationship with God. God wants His me-time.

I'll share a little testimony about me. My parents were good about attending church: when my sibling and I were in the picture. They wanted to raise their kids up to be Christians. Okay, I get it. But when we reached high school age, we started making our own decisions. While fortunately, my sibling and I both chose Christ, eventually we parted ways with our childhood church, and we each went off in our own directions. My parents more-or-less stopped going. Now, it's pretty much us pressing THEM to go to church.

All this to say, eventually your kids will have to make their own choices and pursue their own relationships directly with Christ. As do you. You can play a role in that, but in-control: that you will not be. But you can control you. Simply setting their feet in church and raising them Christian is all fine and good, but if you want them to pursue that relationship all on their own, then you, too, should pursue that relationship even when your kids and mom are not looking. Having that quiet time, prayer, and attending church even when there is no other driving force BUT to worship God--that shows. Just as it does when you don't. To be that spiritual leader, you must first lead yourself, with no one else driving you.

One other quick word: don't worry about being tired. God DOES provide. One time I was sick, and my parents scheduled a doctor's appointment for me on Sunday morning. That was the only time they could get. Without hesitation, I told them, "Change it." You know Sunday morning is church. Not only did the doctor manage to schedule another time, but by Sunday I wasn't even that sick. Just pray to God that you don't want to be tired all day because you went to church, and see what happens. I already know full and well you'll be fine.

 

[DM25]

I think it's very important to point out church attendance has nothing to do with your relationship with God or shows your standing with God. One who skips church frequently can be closer to God than one who religiously attends every week. Church/fellowship is just one factor of the Christian walk. It's important but it's still just one factor, and not the most important factor of all.

It also depends on the person. For some church brings them a lot closer to God so it is important for them. It is the one time they can really grow and learn. But for others, because they find ways to fellowship and learn scripture all throughout the week besides Sunday (some may be more introverted and self-learners as well), Sunday church can just be seen as an additional fun component to your walk but not something that affects your walk with God in a significant way for these people.

Church and fellowship are important. But I think we all have to admit it's not the same these days as it was back then in the early church. I think back then it was a lot more genuine, and people really wanted to be there to grow and fellowship with others and it was a lot less religious and ritualistic and more genuine.

 

[longwait]

I'm a single mom of 2 young kids working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. I have been going to church for a couple of years now since my divorce and have found a church family I love. One Sunday a month, I don't have my kids (I work Mon-Friday and Saturdays I don't have my kids). I skip church that Sunday about 75% of the time to try to catch up on sleep. My mom also attends my church (relatively small congregation) and has started making me feel extremely selfish and guilty when I skip. My daughter has a birthday party this Sunday (Palm Sunday at 11am) that I accidentally rsvp'd yes to already. My mom said if I miss church for the party she will have to tell everyone why and i will be judged poorly.

Does skipping on occasion make me a bad Christian or less of a Christian?

Ask your daughter to conduct her birthday party in the evening so that you can attend church in the morning. Two days back I saw a street preacher on Youtube preaching and warning 100s of young people on their way to a voodoo function about the consequences of a sinful life and hell. One or 2 women came up to him and said they attend church! He said to them church will not take you heaven, you have to be born again. Some people think that being seated in church will guarantee a place for them in heaven. What's the use of attending church for a few hours only on Sunday and then go and join yourself with the devil?

 

[ChickadeeGrace]

Unfortunately the party is for a friend of the family, thus I'm not able to ask for the party to be moved. I'm still torn on what to do this weekend because the party is a rare thing that won't be a conflict to church in the future. Yes, I know it sets us up to feel ok to skip in the future for trivial things but I honestly just got confused on the day and time of the party when I agreed to attend. It's not something I plan to become a habit. I wish my church offered more than one service so we could attend a different time but unfortunately it does not. I might send my girls to the party this one time while I attend church and meet them afterwards. Then later I can teach a lesson about palm Sunday to them in the woods behind our house. What better way to enjoy God but when you are immersed in his beauty?

 

[mnphysicist]

I might send my girls to the party this one time while I attend church and meet them afterwards. Then later I can teach a lesson about palm Sunday to them in the woods behind our house. What better way to enjoy God but when you are immersed in his beauty?

That seems a very good approach to the immediate problem.

As far as your mom and your church go... if the church isn't shutting her down when she is trying to manipulate, that's not cool, and it could be signs of an iffy theology. Granted no church will be perfect.

Its pretty common for folks with multiple jobs or rotating shifts to have multiple churches/functions they attend. Back when I lived in IA, I remember we used to have a ton of once a month folks at Grace Bibles 7PM service... most had a church home they'd go to on Sunday mornings, but when they had to skip it, they'd catch Grace late in the day.