miscarriage grief

[Florence]

I lost my baby (miscarried) at 10 weeks. This was 4 weeks ago. I think the hardest part is trying to validate my grief. Everyone around me seems to think "it's just one of those things" and "you'll have other children". I WANTED THAT BABY! It was our beautiful special baby, that we thought was God's answer to our prayer. We have been praying for more than a year now.

I feel angry most times, and then just depressed. The worst thing is when my mother-in-law says, "Keep your chin up" and "Put a smile on your face"! I don't to SMILE! I want to yell, cry, break a few things, smack somebody!

Here's some of the most hurtful and piercing comments I've got, including from my pastor's wife:
"This happens to lots of women"
"At least you know you can conceive"
"You're young, you'll have other children"
"At least you were only 21/2 months pregnant..."
"Think of it as a piece of tissue.."

I get so ANGRY when I think about how insensitive these people are! That was my living baby - I talked to it, sang to it, read to it, waited each Tuesday to cross off another week, celebrated at day 21 when its heart started to beat, imagined what he would look like.....with tiny fingers and tiny toes and eyes like my husband.

Is there anyone out there that feels my pain? Please write. I just need someone to talk to who understands.

Florence.

 

[desi]

Florence, my wife's mother died last night. Grieving is hard and people aren't always appropriate about it, my wife's sister made a quick grab for the jewelry today while my wife was divvying up the old pictures with her dad and brothers. While we have not lost a child yet I can only share my sympathy and chagrin regarding people who act disrespectful regarding the dead and those of us living in remembrance of them. I pray God comforts you.

 

[brinley45cal]

I lost my baby (miscarried) at 10 weeks. This was 4 weeks ago. I think the hardest part is trying to validate my grief. Everyone around me seems to think "it's just one of those things" and "you'll have other children". I WANTED THAT BABY! It was our beautiful special baby, that we thought was God's answer to our prayer. We have been praying for more than a year now.

I feel angry most times, and then just depressed. The worst thing is when my mother-in-law says, "Keep your chin up" and "Put a smile on your face"! I don't to SMILE! I want to yell, cry, break a few things, smack somebody!

Here's some of the most hurtful and piercing comments I've got, including from my pastor's wife:
"This happens to lots of women"
"At least you know you can conceive"
"You're young, you'll have other children"
"At least you were only 21/2 months pregnant..."
"Think of it as a piece of tissue.."

I get so ANGRY when I think about how insensitive these people are! That was my living baby - I talked to it, sang to it, read to it, waited each Tuesday to cross off another week, celebrated at day 21 when its heart started to beat, imagined what he would look like.....with tiny fingers and tiny toes and eyes like my husband.

Is there anyone out there that feels my pain? Please write. I just need someone to talk to who understands.

Florence.

Well im so sorry for you loss.I have never lost a child because i am unable to have children.But ive had people that were very close to me pass away.
what i can tell you is this,you never really get over a loved one,i find that you just learn to live with it.its not easy,ive never gotten over the lose of my grandfather,he meant everything to me,we did everything togather,i loved him so much,i still love him alot.All you can do is keep on keepin on,over time you will learn to cope with that feeling.Like i said a person never really gets over it we just learnt to work though it you know? well im not sure if this helps you any but i just wanted you to know your not alone.

 

[Sun_flwer]

miscarriage grief

I lost my baby (miscarried) at 10 weeks. This was 4 weeks ago. I think the hardest part is trying to validate my grief. Everyone around me seems to think "it's just one of those things" and "you'll have other children". I WANTED THAT BABY! It was our beautiful special baby, that we thought was God's answer to our prayer. We have been praying for more than a year now.

I feel angry most times, and then just depressed. The worst thing is when my mother-in-law says, "Keep your chin up" and "Put a smile on your face"! I don't to SMILE! I want to yell, cry, break a few things, smack somebody!

Here's some of the most hurtful and piercing comments I've got, including from my pastor's wife:
"This happens to lots of women"
"At least you know you can conceive"
"You're young, you'll have other children"
"At least you were only 21/2 months pregnant..."
"Think of it as a piece of tissue.."

I get so ANGRY when I think about how insensitive these people are! That was my living baby - I talked to it, sang to it, read to it, waited each Tuesday to cross off another week, celebrated at day 21 when its heart started to beat, imagined what he would look like.....with tiny fingers and tiny toes and eyes like my husband.

Is there anyone out there that feels my pain? Please write. I just need someone to talk to who understands.

Florence.

 

[Mercy Me]

I am sorry for your loss.

I have found that people say the most stupid things BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. Even well-meaning Christians will say things.....and it ends up hurting you even more. I compare to rubbing salt or alcohol into an open wound.

I had two miscarriages. Once at 9 weeks and one at 12 weeks. They were terrible losses to me. Yes! I did go on and have two children (who are now adults), but I still think about those that never were on this earth.

All I CAN tell you is that time does NOT heal all wounds, but it does "dull" the pain.....it isn't so raw after some time goes by.

 

[Horse Luver]

Well, I'm only 15 so I definately have not experienced this. However, my mom has....and I know how hurtful it is. That little baby (NOT just a "piece of tissue") was God's life to give, and His to take away. I have no idea why it happened, but I know it happened for a reason. It's the same with you. God never puts you through anything that He knows you can't handle. And guess what? My mom now has 5 kids!!

Pray, read the Bible....TRUST IN GOD. He'll help you through this, and it will bring you closer to Him-if you will allow Him to come in and take control. God bless you, your family, and that tiny baby in Heaven!!!

Lots of s
Your sister in Christ,
Katie

 

[Florence]

Thanks to those who wrote in. It really does help to know that there are others who have felt similarly to me. My husband wept again last night; the pain just feels so raw. We want to do something in memory of our precious son, Ethan Joshua, who never got to breathe air or to be held in his parents arms.

MERCY ME, thank you especially for writing in. My own mother seems to think that I'm overreacting. She thinks I might "get over it" quickly and forget if I'm pregnant again. I couldn't explain to her that we'll never forget. NEVER!

 

[Mercy Me]

Florence......



you're in my prayers.......... and your husband....

 

[I'ddie4him]

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, I am at a real loss of comforting words, But, I know that the pain will ease with time. My mom had 2 miscarriages after my baby sister was born and she took it very hard. I hope that you will try to have another child in the future and that you will not have the same problems that caused this baby to miscarry.
I am praying for you and your hubby.

 

[GMRELIC]

I lost my 15 year old son to an accident last December, so I know your pain, I don't think there are any words that anyone can really say to help confort you. I as sorry you too had to deal with the hurtful things people have said, I honestly think they are not trying to hurt you, they just don't really understand, they have not been there thierselves, Just want to let you know I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God Bless you all

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

I PM'd you. I lost my son when iw as 13 weeks pregnant. My heart totally goes out to you. I saw my son 2 times a weeks for a month on the ultrasound and i had him at home.You are in my prayers. I think this is the hardest thing in the world to go through. PM or email me if you ever need to talk ok.


~Stacy

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

I just wanted to remind you that October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I dont know if you have done anything to particapate in this or raise awareness but i encourage you to do so. I happy to find out the 23rd their is A Walk to Remember here in my town, so i will be going to that. I am also handing out flyers i made.

God Bless You and i would love to hear if you are doing something to honor this month!