Mind goes completely blank in public?

[Torturedspirit]

Ok, so today I was at a train station that has a piano there that everybody is free to play. I'm a composer but I was never classically-trained. I still have taught myself how to create various styles of music and I mostly compose videogame style and neoclassical style songs using a MIDI keyboard and music software.

I'm a pretty decent piano player as well and I have a real piano at my apartment. Anyway, my friend saw the piano and put me on the spot to play. Due to my severe social anxiety/social phobia/many other mental issues, etc. I sat down at the piano and I was completely frozen. It was an absolutely terrible and uncomfortable experience.

I don't understand why I can't even remember one composition and I have composed literally hundreds of great pieces of music. I guess these problems prove that I could possibly become an accomplished composer and yet never be a performer. I guess it is just that I don't really have a passion for getting attention (even if it is positive attention) because I know there will be negative attention as well.

Next time, I will pray to God to give me the strength to face my social fears and anxieties and give me the focus to actually remember and play my own compositions at that train station piano. If I pray for it and return to the piano only to experience the same freeze up...I want to assume that God didn't answer my prayer rather than believe that even with God's strength helping me...I'm still too weak to make any positive change in my life.

 

[brinny]

God bless you, and i'm praying in agreement, that God grants you what you need to not only be a blessing to others by sharing your gifts, but that you can see in a visible and tangible way how He is healing you of all your fears so that you can shine for, and glorify Him. He is a MOOOOOVER of "mountains". May He remove this one. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen. (((hug)))

 

[public hermit]

I don't understand why I can't even remember one composition and I have composed literally hundreds of great pieces of music. I guess these problems prove that I could possibly become an accomplished composer and yet never be a performer.

It does not prove that you could become an accomplished composer and yet never a performer. It's just a matter of being really nervous. I understand, I play guitar and have played all my life. But, when someone comes and wants me to play, my mind goes blank. In fact, it has happened so often I expect it to.

I also have to speak in front of crowds periodically. The same thing used to happen, I would panic and freeze up. So, I take a manuscript with me. It is my security blanket. I know if I freeze up I can look down at the manuscript. Now, I have done it so often I don't need the manuscript, but I still take it with me because it gives me the security I need.

You sat at a piano with no music, no notes, no nothing. Maybe have a chord chart handy when you go next time. If you read music, you could take that. If not, you could make some kind of personal notes to clue you in on what to play and how to play it. Do that fairly often in front of people and you may find, with practice of playing in front of others, your confidence will increase.

I wouldn't suggest putting this all on God by saying one prayer and having a one time sit down at the public piano. You didn't learn to compose with one prayer. No, you practiced. Likewise, you may have to practice playing in front of others to get to where you want to be. It will take work, given your social anxieties, but nothing worth having is often easy. Just a thought.

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

Okay, you froze. So don't sweat the freezing. There will be other times. That someone else tried to get you to play only made matters worse.

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Oh don't worry. I visited a care home today and as I stood there trying to think of good questions to ask, I could not. You are not alone! Everybody has their off days.
Last time I had one, I came home without apples or grapes which I had to buy. I bought every other item on my list however. Try writing things down.