Thats what I said to him! If your serious about it you'll go to therapy too! It might take many many months before I consider moving back in. He has to earn the trust back, which may take a very long time. I need to makesure im covered in case he decides to change his mind again. He said he never did anything with that girl was just helping her and her baby out by driving them everywhere. He told me tonight he is not going to be around her anymore. I'll belive it when I dont see him driving around with her..
I understand completely.
I played the fool for more years than I want to admit.
When the lights finally came on after so long my ex finally started to see that I wasnt playing the games anymore with her, she started cheating more frequently to 'put me in my place' so to speak.
In the past she had done it and I reacted by getting all emotional and acting like I was a butler or something to get her to quit....disgusting on my part, I know.
But after nearly dying in 01 things changed in my mind and heart and I started taking the adultery and things more seriously. Up till that time I really was hurt by the stuff she did, but it wasnt sinking in that this stuff should NOT be permitted to happen in Gods marriage covenants. There is a reason why adultery was treated so harshly under the law...because of how God sees it.
So after 01 I tried to get our marriage to be a bit more holy. Both of us had things we needed to work on for sure. I was trying to do my part, but my ex was used to acting like a child and getting a response out of me.
When she realized that I was no longer going to respond in the way she had become accustomed to...that I was maturing in my spirit and expecting more from both of us ..that we BOTH behave as adults, as christians, as PARENTS and as a married couple, she really started rebelling in ways I did not expect...pushing every button she could with me.
My disease makes it so stress can pretty much put me into ICU again and even kill me..she knows this. So she started doing anything she could to keep me stressed out. I literally had to buy a bunch of rabbits and build a run for them so that when she was doing her thing I could go outside and watch the rabbits to keep myself from becoming upset or stressed.
Then Id go back in and try to deal with whatever the issue was, but that just enraged her even more. At one point she literally tried to stab me with a sharpened pencil. Had her daughter not been there as witness Im not sure if she would have or not.
I guess what Im coming to here is that my EX wife was going to behave like my wife was going to behave.
Nothing she said or promised changed that in the end.
She SAID she would be good...that she would stop doing what she was doing...but she never actually DID stop and behind the scenes the whole time she was literally telling her lover (that I thought she had gotten rid of) that she was only staying with me until her son turned 18 (because he was getting a check from my disability and would lose it at 18).
Your husband can SAY anything and maybe even put on a show for spell.
But if he really wants to make things right he WILL do whatever it takes to make YOU see that he is a changed man.
If hes not willing to do so...and not willing to give you any amount of time YOU need to trust him again...then something is wrong, sister.
To give you an example of what I mean.
My wife now Laura was horrified of sex when we married. She was a virgin and the thought of sex was really scary for her and it stemmed from a phobia she had for many years that she has gotten past, but it still affected her views about sex.
I knew this going in and the Lord had presented to me to be very patient with her no matter how long things took because this is the woman HE had planned for me to marry the whole time I was making my mistakes.
I remember telling Him one day before Laura and I married that I didnt think I could handle her issues and that she needed someone more capable than someone like me...but He said in an almost audible voice to me.."Be patient".
if you look up 'impatient' in the dictionary, there may be a small photo of me next to the definition...so this was not good in my own mind, but I did what He told me to do.
It was two years from the day we married before Laura and I consummated our marriage because of her fears.
Yes, it was hard on my part to wait that long, honestly it was driving me quite insane, but I love my wife more than I could ever want sex.
I love her so dearly that if it was the way things needed to be, Id gladly have my sexual organs removed altogether and live with her without that sort of thing at all.
The point is your husband NEEDS to love you enough that NO sacrifice of himself is too much to offer IF you are genuine and sincere on your part.
He doesnt seem to understand the fact that we pretty much have beaten the odds if we find even ONE person in this lifetime who sincerely loves us....and if we blow that, especially because of our own stupidity, then we really shouldnt expect anything but loneliness the rest of our days.
Some folks just never catch on and live their lives quite selfishly.
I hope you husband isnt going to end up being one of those people
God bless sister.
I found out he did add me to his health insurance, so we could get the help if he wanted to. I dont no if he's just trying to be on good terms with me or what
I dont think he is ever going to change... sorry needed to vent
