Milestones

[eatenbylocusts]

Actually, being in different surroundings is sometimes the way to go. Last Easter was the first holiday after my break up with a bf I'd been dating a year. Usually I don't like to go the mountains on holidays because of the crowd, but I just couldn't do the holiday dinner. It was still hard, but much easier in other surroundings.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Yeah, I didn't have as many reminders of normalcy here that I would have had back home.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

So AFT, I lay down the gauntlet and challenge you to be the man of God that you were meant to be. YOU be the lighthouse that leads your family back to God!! (Yes, YOU.) If you can not lead your wife back because she refuses to see it--then at least lead your children and let them know that what is going on is WRONG. Even if they are young, explain it to them in age-appropriate ways...because what their mommy is doing is naughty. Mommies do not have boyfriends!! DADDY is supposed to be the one mommy loves and you can teach them.

I couldn't disagree with you more!!!

These are adult issues and should be kept between the adults! It is NOT appropriate at ANY time to involve the children in what is going on between the parents. Now if they ask questions then that is one thing...but to say that he should tell his children that Mommy shouldn't have a boyfriend and that Daddy is supposed to be the one mommy loves is putting them in the position to make a choice between their Mom and their Dad!!! That is never OK no matter what...

Mom is still their Mom and they love her and Dad is still their Dad and they love him...

Children should never be put into the position of having to choose.

Again, if they ask questions then of course he needs to answer in an age appropriate way - such as sometimes Mommies and Daddies make choices that we don't like...but to tell a child that Mommy is being "naughty" is ridiculous in my opinion...

 

[Autumnleaf]

Why are "adult issues" almost always issues where one adult has behaved horribly towards another one and or to children? It seems to me such people should be spoken of openly so the nature of their abuse towards others is known by all. Maybe if we did that we wouldn't have so many "adult issues".

 

[dluvs2trvl]

And if adults are so ill equipped to handle these issues - what makes you think that children would be able to handle them at all...

Children are not adults and should not be treated as such - their childhood and innocence should be respected and protected as long as possible - especially when it involves their love for a parent...

There is enough in this world that robs children of their childhood - why would you think it appropriate for a parent to add to that when it is unnecessary?

 

[ido]

And if adults are so ill equipped to handle these issues - what makes you think that children would be able to handle them at all...

Children are not adults and should not be treated as such - their childhood and innocence should be respected and protected as long as possible - especially when it involves their love for a parent...

There is enough in this world that robs children of their childhood - why would you think it appropriate for a parent to add to that when it is unnecessary?

I have to say that I agree with both of dluv's posts. Speaking as a single mom who has an ex that does all sorts of inappropriate things, I do my very best to shelter my children from the things they don't need to know about. If I rear them up correctly, they will figure things out for themselves. If I point out their dad's flaws, it will only make them protective of him and frustrated with me.

Kids are smart and figure out right from wrong very quickly. As I am teaching them what is right and leading by example, they are discovering on their own the things that their father does that are wrong. My job is to help them assimilate the information, sort it out, then choose to do what is right. If I were wrapped up in a smear campaign against there dad, they wouldn't have anyone leading them.

JMHO

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I can't remember where I heard it, but the speaker talked about kids feeling bad about themselves because of something one of their parents did. But, at the same time when my ex left the country without telling me or the kids he was leaving, I did tell my son who was about 12 at the time that what his dad did was wrong; that a parent shouldn't act that way. I didn't want my son to think that this could be acceptable. I have not told him that I believe his dad cheated on me and the reasons why I believe it. I think kids can feel ashamed because of what their parents do, and my kids have enough problems without taking on someone else's shame.

 

[walloffire]

If another man wanted to sleep with my wife in my house where my children live he would have to do it over my dead body.

Wouldn't that be some form of necrophilia?

 

[ido]

I can't remember where I heard it, but the speaker talked about kids feeling bad about themselves because of something one of their parents did. But, at the same time when my ex left the country without telling me or the kids he was leaving, I did tell my son who was about 12 at the time that what his dad did was wrong; that a parent shouldn't act that way. I didn't want my son to think that this could be acceptable. I have not told him that I believe his dad cheated on me and the reasons why I believe it. I think kids can feel ashamed because of what their parents do, and my kids have enough problems without taking on someone else's shame.

I think that is a good example of telling the truth in love. You made sure your son was aware that he was not responsible for his father's actions. But, you didn't share adult details with him that he wouldn't understand or need to know. I would have handled it similarly.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Wouldn't that be some form of necrophilia?

I look at it more as taking plunder from a difficult fight to the death. But then again, I'm a hopeless romantic.

 

[walloffire]

I look at it more as taking plunder from a difficult fight to the death. But then again, I'm a hopeless romantic.

I never thought I'd see the phrase "hopeless romantic" written so closely to the word necrophilia..........

hopeless romantic
necrophilia


there, now they're even closer.

 

[Demi4God]

I sympathize and know how you feel.I don't think morals play much in today's society.