Michelle Duggar pregnant with 18th child.

[OnTheWay]

Time spent with your children should be about quality not quantity. I know parents of 'only' children that don't spend time with their kid, even though they are with them 24/7. They replace themselves with things, and pat themselves on the back for being great parents because their kid wants for nothing. Nothing material anyway. Thing is...their kid doesn't have a clue how to function when they find out the whole world doesn't revolve around just them.

My kids don't have a lot of the 'things'...but they have each other, and they have me and their dad. There is always someone there for them.

But there is also a material side to being a parent. Truth is the kids probably don't get to take part in normal child activities like little league because the parents can't afford it and they need to be home doing the work required for a household of 19, soon to be 20 people. Presenting an opposite extreme of a latch key kid with everything they could want doesn't make this extreme any less extreme.

 

[SolomonVII]

takes effort, but you can spend individual time with each kid. Besides, what does "quality time" mean? Frankly, it's just a modern psychobabble.

Quality time came up as a justification for spending less time with the kids, shuffling them off to day-care in the morning and on to the babysitter or grammas in the evening. It refers to the idea that spending time with you rkids is not the important thing, but what is important is what you do with that time when you are with them.
I am not sure that anyone knows what the science is behind the concept, but it is a say of alleviating any guilt that time is love.

There are just too many good things competing for mom and dad's love these days.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

It broke my heart seeing the pictures after their last one was born--there was not a sibgle picture--not ONE- where moma was holdinhg he baby. There was one og her off by herself praying in her prayers closet- but none of her holding that baby. The littles in that family are raised (by their own admission) by their older siblings.

They are such a poor, poor example in my opinion of anything having to do with Christian living. Ughhh--you can't abuse your kids in the name of discipline and Christianity and at the same time serve as some sort of be fruitful and multiply exapmle. I could have 18 kids too- if I beat them into submission starting at 9 months old whacking them with a spoon when they crawled off their blanket.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Quality time came up as a justification for spending less time with the kids, shuffling them off to day-care in the morning and on to the babysitter or grammas in the evening. It refers to the idea that spending time with you rkids is not the important thing, but what is important is what you do with that time when you are with them.
I am not sure that anyone knows what the science is behind the concept, but it is a say of alleviating any guilt that time is love.

There are just too many good things competing for mom and dad's love these days.

My spiritual director once reminded me- very specifically that parenting is a full immersion activity--it is all about quantity of time...and my job as a Christian mother is to make that quantity of time also be quantity time. But that simply by being around your children, interacting with them all the time, bonding well with them as littles and continuing on with a pattern of quantity time as they got older---that that was the only way to know your children as the got older and moved through teen age years and on into adulthood.

 

[Fantine]

In a family with 20, 18, and 16 year olds living at home and lots of much littler ones there are plenty of surrogate parents around.

I only grew up in a family of three, but my best friends were oldest and oldest girls in families of eight kids.

And we rarely went anywhere without having a few of them in tow.

When they grew up, they became mothers of two girls and three boys, respectively. Maybe they did enough mothering when they were young to want something different for themselves.

And I believe that this family is quite affluent. The area of the country they live in underwent a gigantic real estate boom, thanks to Wal-Mart, and real estate is Duggar's business. I don't think you can build a house with nine bathrooms and whatever else it has, brand new, if you're begging for donations from your church.

 

[princess_ballet]

My spiritual director once reminded me- very specifically that parenting is a full immersion activity--it is all about quantity of time...and my job as a Christian mother is to make that quantity of time also be quantity time. But that simply by being around your children, interacting with them all the time, bonding well with them as littles and continuing on with a pattern of quantity time as they got older---that that was the only way to know your children as the got older and moved through teen age years and on into adulthood.

This is exactly what my mom has done. She spends lots of time with us and, honestly, I feel like she is one of my best friends. My dad and her have their own business -- so, I was at work with her and I've helped out, which meant that I spent a lot of time with her, learned all about hard work, and also feel as though I was part of something successful.

But parenting is just like any type of relationship -- how can you know or be there for someone unless you spend time with them?

 

[Ave Maria]

I completely disagree. I saw a special on them when they were building their house and the things you describe just didnt' happen. They are definitely not into having all these kids for the "commercial aspect". There are things that do trouble me, but not the issues you mention. My sis has 7 kids, 4 at once then 2 at once (just 14 months later) and then another singleton 22 months later. It takes effort, but you can spend individual time with each kid. Besides, what does "quality time" mean? Frankly, it's just a modern psychobabble.

I agree with you Veritas. If it wasn't possible for a large family to be a good family then God would not want us to have large families if we can at all possibly have a large family.

 

[rainbowbright]

Hope ya'll don't mind me butting in here- I heard that they have declared themselves a church in order to not have to pay taxes, but then they have bigger congregation than lot of churches out there. My husband and I consider ourselves 'quiverful' and all, but I really hope God doesn't bless us with THAT many children- five will be as much as I can handle, I think.

 

[Rochir]

I pity the woman!

 

[Rochir]

There is no possible way a person can spend quality time with that many children. They have to be just bodies walkign around the house and the poor girls are like surrogate mothers which means they lose a little bit of their childhood having to be a mother instead of a little girl.

Yup! Sadly so!

 

[Rochir]

Families used to be large.

Yes! One of my grandmom's had 8 siblings, my mom had 9!

18 children (by one poor woma) IS excessive!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Do churches have to pay property tax? Because I am sure that they don't pay income tax...not with 18 dependents....

 

[rainbowbright]

At least where I got this info, it seems churches don't have to pay property tax. I would love to not have to pay income tax, but I guess I'll have to have more children.

 

[ZooMom]

My remark about quality time vs quantity was in response to another remark about the amount of time spent with each child *individually*...not as a family. I spend all my time, when I am not at work, with my children. But I don't have hours to spend with each one on their own every day. There aren't enough hours for that.

Four of my five are playing ball this year. That means one in T-ball, one in Machine Pitch, one in fast pitch softball, and one in Pony League (14-16 yr olds). Because we play in the Optimist Leagues, we only have to pay for two registrations...any extra kids after that are free. We pick up bats and gloves at second hand sporting goods stores, like Play it Again Sports, and these are handed down to the younger sibs as well. So the idea that larger families can't afford activities like this are off. Besides...they don't really need things like that anyway. They are large enough to have their own league.


Look...I don't know anything about this family other than the number of kids they have. Obviously there is more going on with them based on the other comments people have made. I don't know about that. All I am talking about is the general idea of a large family. It isn't a bad thing in and of itself. Sure it's challenging and difficult and often chaotic...but it's not evil to have a lot of kids.

I can't look at that picture of their family...at all those little ones on the front row...and think they should never have been born.

 

[geocajun]

That is a big family. Too big for me - I'm under water with just 4 kids.

 

[david01]

My mother remarked that in her generation the older siblings in very large families tended not to marry and when they did they had either no children or one or two only. They had spent their adolescence parenting their younger siblings and had lost all interest in going through it yet again.

 

[MrJim]

I pity the woman!

It seems she doesn't seek pity~would aborting 8 or 10 of 'em been better?

 

[Tigg]

Tis easy to judge. Sometimes the general judgment is right. Sometimes not.

A cousin who had 12 children and wanted to make it a baker's dozen, once told me when I was being crited for wanting a 3rd child, not to fear, that God would provide opportunities of job growth etc. We were expected to take advantage of them. Maybe not true for all or maybe so. But the gentleman did find his income going up with time. Their family was a busy dynamic family with lots of love. Maybe there were some times of some child getting lost for a time. I don't know but I do know they were very happy.

On the other hand those with one can be a terrible mom or dad. So I refrain from judging.

God bless all that have children - from one to many.

Happy Mother's Day to those here who are mom's. One hard job.

-Peace-

 

[D'Ann]

My remark about quality time vs quantity was in response to another remark about the amount of time spent with each child *individually*...not as a family. I spend all my time, when I am not at work, with my children. But I don't have hours to spend with each one on their own every day. There aren't enough hours for that.

Four of my five are playing ball this year. That means one in T-ball, one in Machine Pitch, one in fast pitch softball, and one in Pony League (14-16 yr olds). Because we play in the Optimist Leagues, we only have to pay for two registrations...any extra kids after that are free. We pick up bats and gloves at second hand sporting goods stores, like Play it Again Sports, and these are handed down to the younger sibs as well. So the idea that larger families can't afford activities like this are off. Besides...they don't really need things like that anyway. They are large enough to have their own league.


Look...I don't know anything about this family other than the number of kids they have. Obviously there is more going on with them based on the other comments people have made. I don't know about that. All I am talking about is the general idea of a large family. It isn't a bad thing in and of itself. Sure it's challenging and difficult and often chaotic...but it's not evil to have a lot of kids.

I can't look at that picture of their family...at all those little ones on the front row...and think they should never have been born.

I know what you mean. My grandparents came from large families. I think my grandma also had about 13 or 14 siblings. The siblings were all very close. Every time we had a holiday, there was always some of her siblings there. My grandma loved being a part of a big family.

Like someone said earlier, if God didn't want them to have the children, they wouldn't have them.

My hubby's mom also comes from a large family too. There are 10 kids in her family, plus 2 that died young, plus I believe 2 miscarriages... all of the siblings miss the 2 children who died at a young age, and they also miss not knowing the 2 babies that they would have had in their family.

I also knew big families while growing up and even though a lot of the older siblings helped out with the chores and with the little siblings, the kids in those families had a closer bond, than the bond that my own little family of 3 siblings had.

I believe for the most part, those families will never feel alone in this world. When they lose a sibling, their heart will break and grieve as much as mine or anyone else's, but because they have each other, they will find solace and comfort within themselves and their family...

One of the good things about being a part of a large family is that they have each other to share their lives with. They have their family to grieve with and/or to laugh with and/or to share activities with...

I've lost my sister... the only sister that I have. My brother is mentally ill and lives far away... I lost him years ago and I've been on my own for awhile now... (Although, I still have my mom and dad and my own little family here)

I wish that I had a big family with lots of siblings because somehow, I think it would be comforting and strengthening to have some siblings to share my life with and share my grieving with.

I don't know anything about this family either, so I pray that the parents are loving and caring and good parents.

Tis easy to judge. Sometimes the general judgment is right. Sometimes not.

A cousin who had 12 children and wanted to make it a baker's dozen, once told me when I was being crited for wanting a 3rd child, not to fear, that God would provide opportunities of job growth etc. We were expected to take advantage of them. Maybe not true for all or maybe so. But the gentleman did find his income going up with time. Their family was a busy dynamic family with lots of love. Maybe there were some times of some child getting lost for a time. I don't know but I do know they were very happy.

On the other hand those with one can be a terrible mom or dad. So I refrain from judging.

God bless all that have children - from one to many.

Happy Mother's Day to those here who are mom's. One hard job.

-Peace-

Amen... very true.

 

[Globalnomad]

Sure, families used to be large.... when on an average, half of them would die before they grew up.

During the 19th century, medical science developed quite suddenly, and kids were no longer dying in such numbers. It took one or two generations for this fact to filter down into people's consciousness, whereafter familes suddenly shrank to the size we know today.


It's not (just) modern materialistic selfishness. It's good human instinct.

This having been said, if they are happy with that many kids, and can afford to support them, it's their business.

P.S. The other reason was the introduction of old age pensions and social insurance. In countries that don't have these, even today families are much larger because parents MUST ensure that they will have at least one, but preferably two, economically successful offspring who can house them and feed them when they are old.