Mens Accountability

[ChristopherinLA]

I started a sin accountability buddy relationship with another church member. We usually go out to eat to talk and pray or talk on the phone. Meeting in person is our preferred contact method however. He usually wants to drink 1-2 beers when we meet. Knowing him and his personality I agreed to beer every other meeting, and I’ll have one beer, but he’s pressing for it every meeting. Is this something I can solve by just not drinking myself, or request he not drink too. I feel like beer hinders the structure and seriousness or shall I say spiritual environment of the accountability relationship. I think it’s easier for him to open up when he has beer, but this is not the kind of accountability relationship I hoped for or we agreed to. Am I unreasonable? Any help is appreciated.

 

[HARK!]

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[HARK!]

but he’s pressing for it every meeting

You shouldn't feel any pressure to drink beer.

I feel like beer hinders the structure and seriousness or shall I say spiritual environment of the accountability relationship.

If this is how you feel; then you should stop ordering beer at these meetings.

Maybe the next time that you feel any pressure, you should tell him that you've decided not to drink at these meetings; because it tends to inhibit your focus on the seriousness of the discussion, and it clouds your ability to optimally structure your thoughts.

If having a beer or two helps him at these meetings; and his intent is to grow from the discussion; then good for him. If he's meeting you as an excuse to have a drinking party, with his new drinking buddy; then he will soon lose interest; if you abstain from the party.

 

[Jamdoc]

Well if you're uncomfortable with having a beer (and mind you the commandment is against drunkenness, not against having a beer), let him know, and you'll need to Romans 14 that thing out. IE if it's something you feel convicted over, he, even though he feels stronger in his Christian liberty to have that 1-2 beers without being drunk, should abstain from drinking in front of you (not to insult you by terming you as the "weaker brother" but it's how Paul refers to things in Christian liberty questions where the "stronger brother" should abstain from a behavior even if he feels secure in his liberty, his liberty can be a stumbling block to the weaker brother)

Romans 14:

13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
14 I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.
15 But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
16 Let not then your good be evil spoken of:
17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
18 For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.
19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
20 For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
22 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
23 And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

So the lesson is 2 fold. You shouldn't feel judgement in your brother's having a beer, provided he's not getting drunk and therefore sinning (then obviously you need to admonish him in love), but at the same time, he shouldn't flaunt his liberty in front of you if you feel conviction. This is something you'll have to work out.

I'd say, that you maybe shouldn't feel a conviction in having one beer with food. But if you just don't want to drink but are fine with him having a beer like it's not making you stumble, then just be open with him about that, would it work better if he had 1 beer but not more than 1?

 

[timewerx]

If you can remain sober, it's alright.

I mix my beer with coke or root bear. Smaller portion of beer ofc. It's tastes incredible at least to me.

 

[timf]

There should be no problem if you chose to abstain.

If he continues, the subject of his need for a chemical crutch might be an appropriate subject in a mutual accountability session.

 

[Blade]

We know there is nothing wrong with drinking.. I pray we all know how I mean that lol. Now I don't drink never liked the taste. In every kind or prayer meeting be it one with one or a few or many never once had anyone that I can remember had a drink of any kind. Now just meeting talking, friends but if they did.. I don't know if it bothered me and we were really friends I would in a fun way say something.

There is this tendence to look at it in a negative way huh. For me it would almost be the same for those that drink COLD COFFEE! HELLO! Yeah just awful. Bear or cold coffee..why? HAHA

 

[Jamdoc]

There should be no problem if you chose to abstain.

If he continues, the subject of his need for a chemical crutch might be an appropriate subject in a mutual accountability session.

Yeah that is fair, if it's a NEED for a beer that's an issue, especially for its chemical effects which it seems like maybe it's used as a social lubricant in this case, but if it's just like, I dunno, back when I used to drink beer (I don't drink alcohol anymore because of a medication I'm on), I liked to have a beer when I ate pizza, not like a need, I just liked how the combo went together. If they didn't have any good beers oh well, I still have pizza, not a problem, but if they had good beer? sure, I'll have a beer with my food.

Or a glass of wine with a turkey dinner or something like that.

 

[Jamdoc]

We know there is nothing wrong with drinking.. I pray we all know how I mean that lol. Now I don't drink never liked the taste. In every kind or prayer meeting be it one with one or a few or many never once had anyone that I can remember had a drink of any kind. Now just meeting talking, friends but if they did.. I don't know if it bothered me and we were really friends I would in a fun way say something.

There is this tendence to look at it in a negative way huh. For me it would almost be the same for those that drink COLD COFFEE! HELLO! Yeah just awful. Bear or cold coffee..why? HAHA

I couldn't drink coffee for years and years and years because hot brewed coffee upset my stomach.
But then I discovered that cold brew coffee is less acidic and upsetting
so that's a huge game changer for me, I drink iced coffee every day, love it, needs less sugar too, still needs a little bit, but probably half as much as hot brewed.