Men...

[enelya_taralom]

interesting answers. I have a question though... alot of these are pretty vague. Pretty much any single woman in your church could fit the bill of someone who has an active relationship with God etc... so how do you decide to choose from them? What brings things deeper and/or gets you interested?

I ask because I have an active relationship with God, have had one for a while, and feel that I am kind, caring and have been told I am pretty, but all the men who know me are only friends. They are not interested in anything more, and it has been over five years since any guy has shown any interest in me, and even at that the last two who did show an interest five years ago were largely more interested in the idea of me "ie just having a girlfriend" then they were in me. Seems that despite the fact that I seem to fit the bill on every list I see from guys on what they want and what attracts them, I just can't seem to attact... guess I am just trying ot figure out why...

 

[Paulie079]

Were mine specific enough? They seemed to be to me...but I will say that it also has to be a girl that I connect well with. You're right that there are a lot of girls that could fall into the category of being sociable, having a strong relationship with God, having a heart for missions, wanting a family, etc. But there are girls that circumstantially became more like sisters to me. And then there are girls that I'm just not physically attracted to. And then there are girls that I just don't see enough or spend enough time around to really connect well with them.

 

[kevlite2020]

What if I want YOU to help ME grow in Christ?!

If that was a response to what I wrote, I do want to be the spiritual leader of my house and I do want to help my wife very much in growing in Christ. But it's a two way street. If she's not open to growing, I won't be able to help her. If she is open to growing, not only will I be able to help her, but she will be able to help me by keeping me honest and accountable.

 

[Malachi425]

If that was a response to what I wrote, I do want to be the spiritual leader of my house and I do want to help my wife very much in growing in Christ. But it's a two way street. If she's not open to growing, I won't be able to help her. If she is open to growing, not only will I be able to help her, but she will be able to help me by keeping me honest and accountable.

Agreed. I think the guy should be the spiritual leader in the household and help the rest of the family grow in Christ, but he also has be willing to grow from his partner. That makes for a really strong family.

 

[Trashionista]

These sorts of posts rub me the wrong way and here's why.

Wouldn't it seem like a bit of a waste to ask men on here (not that these men aren't awesome) what they want in a wife, but then to fall in love with a man who is one's 'soul mate' and wants and expects something completely different?

Point being, all people are different and their expectations of a spouse are completely different. If you're trying to and eventually meet the ideals of (essentially) anoymous men on a forum, what happens if you meet a man in real life who doesn't like any of these so-called ideals?

 

[EazyMack]

Isn't everything a waste?

 

[Trashionista]

Isn't everything a waste?

There's time well wasted, and then... time wasted where nothing really comes out of it.

 

[EazyMack]

and then... time wasted where nothing really comes out of it.

Kinda like when you read my response?

 

[Trashionista]

Kinda like when you read my response?

Nah, that was Time Well Wasted.

 

[leothelioness]

I ask because I have an active relationship with God, have had one for a while, and feel that I am kind, caring and have been told I am pretty, but all the men who know me are only friends. They are not interested in anything more, and it has been over five years since any guy has shown any interest in me, and even at that the last two who did show an interest five years ago were largely more interested in the idea of me "ie just having a girlfriend" then they were in me. Seems that despite the fact that I seem to fit the bill on every list I see from guys on what they want and what attracts them, I just can't seem to attact... guess I am just trying ot figure out why...

I've asked myself the same questions before. People have a habit of saying they want one thing, but go after another instead. It's confusing to say the least. I don't usually have any trouble attracting guys, but it seems that after a while they either lose interest and fall of the face of the earth or they go and find somebody better (both have happened to me). Of course, you feel like a loser afterwards and think it's something you've done wrong. I've just given up on looking. Screw it.

 

[EazyMack]

Nah, that was Time Well Wasted.

Oh, you're just saying that.

 

[CrusaderKing]

Nah, that was Time Well Wasted.

I'd come up with a well thought out comment here, but I'm too busy wasting time as I'm typing this. I'll finish that thought la

 

[Im_A]

I have 4 simple standards:
1. Physical attraction
2. Blatant Honesty
3. Things in common
4. How well we deal with our differences
I'm a non-believer so relationship with God means nothing to me in terms of a relationship.

What makes a relationship either serious, good or successful is how well those things are displayed and connected with.

Once I find the battery that brings the power, I'll give my theory of success.

 

[Stirleyyy]

the characteristic lots of girls have these days is a Strong lack of loyalty, ruled by emotions, self centered, manipulative, play to many games, have superiority complexes, are very passive aggressive, and just over all arnt very good people trying to progress. iv never met a truly GOOD girl. So as you can tell finding a decent girl these days is actually very hard. especially in my age group.

i dont have crazy standards. I want a fit girl with a fitness mind set, has a good attitude (hate girls that are combative for no reason), had her father, christian, decent looks, and does not play games.

 

[JohnDB]

interesting answers. I have a question though... alot of these are pretty vague. Pretty much any single woman in your church could fit the bill of someone who has an active relationship with God etc... so how do you decide to choose from them? What brings things deeper and/or gets you interested?

I ask because I have an active relationship with God, have had one for a while, and feel that I am kind, caring and have been told I am pretty, but all the men who know me are only friends. They are not interested in anything more, and it has been over five years since any guy has shown any interest in me, and even at that the last two who did show an interest five years ago were largely more interested in the idea of me "ie just having a girlfriend" then they were in me. Seems that despite the fact that I seem to fit the bill on every list I see from guys on what they want and what attracts them, I just can't seem to attact... guess I am just trying ot figure out why...

YEah....no kidding.

People do get caught up in the "idea of me" IE...I am a guy.
Or they like some of the things I can do for them...a token of me

None of those things are really me though...they come with me but they ain't me.


I think God sometimes has the same issue....people want favors from him but really care nothing about him. Granted He can do them...but I think He says, "No" a lot for this very reason.

But I also know my God can hear the hushed sound of my heart breaking over the roar of a billion prayers shouting requests to win the lottery..

 

[Sketcher]

interesting answers. I have a question though... alot of these are pretty vague. Pretty much any single woman in your church could fit the bill of someone who has an active relationship with God etc... so how do you decide to choose from them? What brings things deeper and/or gets you interested?

By "active," I personally mean hitting devotionals often in the week, if not daily. Constantly considering the Lord in all she does. Making it a point to love God, and love people. Her faith permeates her life. It is not an accessory to her life. She's not a "Sunday Christian." She embraces what it truly means to be a Christian, to live the life in obedience to God. It's presumptuous to say that almost any single woman in church fits that bill. But in full disclosure here, I am a cynical person.

I ask because I have an active relationship with God, have had one for a while, and feel that I am kind, caring and have been told I am pretty, but all the men who know me are only friends. They are not interested in anything more, and it has been over five years since any guy has shown any interest in me, and even at that the last two who did show an interest five years ago were largely more interested in the idea of me "ie just having a girlfriend" then they were in me. Seems that despite the fact that I seem to fit the bill on every list I see from guys on what they want and what attracts them, I just can't seem to attact... guess I am just trying ot figure out why...

Are these guys friends with or related to any of your exes?

 

[Scottish Knight]

I have two non-negotiable points on my list -
1) Must be a commited christian who loves God.
2) Must be hygienic/clean.

I don't try to think of the ideal wife in case I get caught up with a dream that reality cannot live up to and so these are the only things on my list.

My dad, always one to make things simple said to me "just find a nice christian girl that you fancy and marry her. It's pretty simple"

 

[enelya_taralom]

By "active," I personally mean hitting devotionals often in the week, if not daily. Constantly considering the Lord in all she does. Making it a point to love God, and love people. Her faith permeates her life. It is not an accessory to her life. She's not a "Sunday Christian." She embraces what it truly means to be a Christian, to live the life in obedience to God. It's presumptuous to say that almost any single woman in church fits that bill. But in full disclosure here, I am a cynical person.


Are these guys friends with or related to any of your exes?

No, because I have never had an ex. That's how much trouble I have (as someone who fits your description of having an active relationship with God, who also likes sports, loves being outside, doesn't have two heads etc...) attracting men....

The two men I mentioned that were interested in "the idea of me" five years ago, I went on one date with one of them and he said he had a good time and would call, but he never did, except sporadically and late at night, when, in retrospect, I think he was lonely and I was simply there/convenient (the idea of me...). I called him a few times. I went out of town a week after our date, so I called to just let him know I was back, but I got his voice mail and the last time I called I left a message saying I was free on Friday night if he wanted to go for coffee and well, five years later I still haven't heard back... The other I wasn’t attracted to to begin with, but beyond that, he was a bit intense... calling me six times and day and saying he wanted to marry me, when he didn't even know me. He basically attached himself to me the moment we met, despite the fact he and I had never really talked. But he has since gone on to meet someone, while I still remain single....

 

[kevlite2020]

i dont have crazy standards. I want a fit girl with a fitness mind set, has a good attitude (hate girls that are combative for no reason), had her father, christian, decent looks, and does not play games.

Just out of curiosity, you don't think it's pretty crazy standards to require a girl you date to have had her father in her life? That's not something a girl can control one way or the other...

 

[faythful]

This is a question for all marriage minded men. What do you look for in your future wife? What are your deal breakers? What is most important to you? What kind of relationship should she have with God?

When I was single I was looking for a woman that could love me as a friend and who I was willing to share my deepest sin with