Men... Why are they so hard to read?

[BoarderDave]

We CA kids shake hands over here. Depending on the style of person.. those hand shakes are different..

 

[jcj3803]

You don't know very many southern ladies, lol.

Nope, Yankee by birth, Rebel by choice...

 

[Luther073082]

Southern girls are usually pretty nice. I've met quite a few of them. Although for a midwestern boy the accent does take some getting used to. My cousin was from Iowa and I hadn't seen her in a while and in the meantime she had moved to Oklahoma. We go down there for her wedding and we walk off the plane and she says in a southern accent "This the first time y'all been to Oklahoma." And I was like "What happened to you?"

 

[eatenbylocusts]

So the reason why men are so unreadable is because our feelings change so frequently. If you're dating a man that lives in Christ you shouldn't have these problems as much because usually they will be honest with you from the get go!

You would think! Unfortunately we are at different places in our walk and some have baggage they're still holding on to that can end up causing a lot of pain for all involved.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

So the reason why men are so unreadable is because our feelings change so frequently. If you're dating a man that lives in Christ you shouldn't have these problems as much because usually they will be honest with you from the get go!

Oh, how I wish that was the case. But the guy that deceived me most claimed to be a very strong Christian, and he did a pretty good job of living the life too.

 

[WendyV]

AH, my mistake, so now you are just required to try on 30 or so to be sure you are taking the right one home got it

oh my goodness no you can't try them on, thats like eating the grapes before you get to the till to weigh them, that's what makes this whole finding a mate thing soooo difficult, fraught with difficult choices

 

[BoazB]

I thinkl you also get some strange characters who lurk in church fellowships and make themselves notorious by the way they greet the women. Where I grew up, kissing was for family only, but there was one guy for whom Christmas Day and New Years Eve was "open season" - he would hunt down the ladies, while they would make great efforts to dodge. The unlucky victims got the slobbery worst! (He was the talk of the congregation)

At present we have a guy where I am now who sees it as his Christian duty to greet every female he knows with the slobbery (brotherly?) kiss. (kinda creepy)

I came from a hand shake background, and as I am single, I stick to that (so as people don't get funny ideas), although there are some of the older ladies who insist on a hug - that's not a problem.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

My advice: Don't bother trying to read him, or any man, for that matter. It's not worth it. Females do overanalyze and read into things way to much. Thus getting ourselves emotionally attached to guys way prematurely and end up sorely dissapointed when, after eeons of kvetching, we sorely discover the affections are not returned and/or the intent to commit is nowhere to be seen.

I think it comes down to "taking every thought and holding it captive/obedient to Christ" as advised in scripture. Don't allow your mind to go there. If the thought comes into your mind, take authority over it and get rid of it. Don't let your thoughts or emotions control you but let the Spirit of God control you.

When the 'right' guy for you comes along, you won't have to make excuses for his behaviour nor wait around for him to figure out how awesome you are or how 'great you work together.' Never mind the "he's taking his time" or "he's shy" or whatever.......... When guys really want something, they go for it. Even if they think they want it, they obviously don't if it's not worth the risk to obtain it.

Seriously, it's not worth your time. And he's most likely not worth your time. I get major red flags if I see a guy change girlfriends as if they were clean socks..........and I stay away!

You are better off on your own!

 

[GoodNewsJim]

I'm hard to read because they like to play poker. You never know what cards I'm holding... Unless you're drop dead gorgeous, then I'm a shlub and show my hand.

 

[Laurie919]

I'm hard to read because they like to play poker. You never know what cards I'm holding... Unless you're drop dead gorgeous, then I'm a shlub and show my hand.

That is a rather shallow response isn't it.

 

[BoazB]

My advice: Don't bother trying to read him, or any man, for that matter. It's not worth it. Females do overanalyze and read into things way to much. Thus getting ourselves emotionally attached to guys way prematurely and end up sorely dissapointed when, after eeons of kvetching, we sorely discover the affections are not returned and/or the intent to commit is nowhere to be seen.

That's interesting. I used to find myself doing that. I thought that had to do with my personality - b/c I "commit" before externally "communicating".

 

[RonnyRulz]

That is a rather shallow response isn't it.

This is rather off-topic, but with whats said about poker (gaming) and relationships...

I hate (with a passion) when people turn relationships and dating into a game.

Like when guys and girls "play the game" so to speak. To get the girl on a date, you have to "win the game".
The whole "chase and be chased" thing. Erg!
That's why I hate dating too. I would rather have a date where we were both completely blunt and open about everything, and then decided if we wanted to continue, over a date where you both have to hide 99% of who you are because you don't want to scare them off. Why not just see if you're compatible and get it over with.

That's why I call them guys and girls. Only men and women know relationships are not a game, nor fun to chase each other around in a game of childish tag. Hiding your cards in poker in a relationship, at least in my opinion, is dishonest. The fact that girls won't be interested in your cards if you don't hide them is even worse! Why should I have to play a game just to be interesting? My personality and love for God is more than enough reason for me to be interesting. If a girl can't see that, then I'll just wait for a women to come along.

 

[Laurie919]

People are more than looks. It took me a long time to realize that though. God willing we are all going to get old, have wrinkles and gray hair. So, someone who might make your tounge hang out today won't be like that in 20 years.

Hair falls out, body parts sag, its part of life.

 

[jcj3803]

Don't allow your mind to go there. If the thought comes into your mind, take authority over it and get rid of it. Don't let your thoughts or emotions control you but let the Spirit of God control you.

A good approach, but how does one discern thoughts / emotions from guidance? John Wesley, founder of Methodism, said that God most often guided him by (reasonable) thoughts coming into his mind to act in a certain way.

Not trying to start a debate, just perplexed.

 

[BoazB]

A good approach, but how does one discern thoughts / emotions from guidance? John Wesley, founder of Methodism, said that God most often guided him by (reasonable) thoughts coming into his mind to act in a certain way.

Not trying to start a debate, just perplexed.

Good question. I know Nicky Gumble (Alpha) speaks of the Holy Spirit speaking through our thoughts. Could this be discernment vs hormones/emotions. Rom 12:1-2. Also "Christ is all and Christ is in all (hopefully including my thinking). Just wondering LOL.

 

[Luther073082]

People are more than looks. It took me a long time to realize that though. God willing we are all going to get old, have wrinkles and gray hair. So, someone who might make your tounge hang out today won't be like that in 20 years.

Hair falls out, body parts sag, its part of life.

And money. . . yeah so when will women my age start realizing that I'm more then how I look or how much money I have.

Cause I'm quite tired of shallow women.

 

[godsupergirl]

This is rather off-topic, but with whats said about poker (gaming) and relationships...

I hate (with a passion) when people turn relationships and dating into a game.

Like when guys and girls "play the game" so to speak. To get the girl on a date, you have to "win the game".
The whole "chase and be chased" thing. Erg!
That's why I hate dating too. I would rather have a date where we were both completely blunt and open about everything, and then decided if we wanted to continue, over a date where you both have to hide 99% of who you are because you don't want to scare them off. Why not just see if you're compatible and get it over with.

That's why I call them guys and girls. Only men and women know relationships are not a game, nor fun to chase each other around in a game of childish tag. Hiding your cards in poker in a relationship, at least in my opinion, is dishonest. The fact that girls won't be interested in your cards if you don't hide them is even worse! Why should I have to play a game just to be interesting? My personality and love for God is more than enough reason for me to be interesting. If a girl can't see that, then I'll just wait for a women to come along.

I agree with you on the whole honesty part, but how do you get that date if you don't ask? I mean that would turn right into what you didn't want in the first place- a game of guess who. You sound like you would rather skip this part but its unavoidable.
I have to say though, I would really like a guy not to expect anything when you go on a date with him until after the date when you've got a sense of who the other person is, then be totally honest without the other person feeling rejected.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

A good approach, but how does one discern thoughts / emotions from guidance? John Wesley, founder of Methodism, said that God most often guided him by (reasonable) thoughts coming into his mind to act in a certain way.

Not trying to start a debate, just perplexed.

I'm talking about overly emotional, irrational thoughts, built on flimsy 'maybes' and 'what ifs'; that don't hold the evidence and logic to back them up.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

When the 'right' guy for you comes along, you won't have to make excuses for his behaviour nor wait around for him to figure out how awesome you are or how 'great you work together.' Never mind the "he's taking his time" or "he's shy" or whatever.......... When guys really want something, they go for it. Even if they think they want it, they obviously don't if it's not worth the risk to obtain it.

I agree to some extent, but not every man just dives in. Some restraint is a good thing. My ex-bf certainly went after me with persistence and energy, but after a year of dating and pain, I can't see how that was a good thing. Now there is another guy who was aggressive in trying to get my phone number and jumped at the chance to grab a meal together, but after spending time for six months we are still in "friend" land. Yet, the drive is often two hours to come see me. He makes a lot of effort to see me. I'm not sure how much time is too much.

 

[NoHoldingBack]

You can't read us and we can't read you. That is the way that it is supposed to be and it will never change. I, for one, like it that way. It keeps things interesting. I would never lead someone on or intentionally send mixed signals. I also don't like to try to be "read". Whenever I have spent time with a woman and she says "You look like you are feeling [this] or thinking [so-and-so]", 99.9% of the time they are wrong. Then it turns slightly uncomfortable, at least for me, because I feel like I'm being analyzed.

I try to just let things flow on their course and ask God to be the captain. I have always found this to be the best way to develop any sort of relationship with someone whether it be friendship or otherwise.