Men Freaking Out

[tigercub]

Have any couples got to the point of TTC, only to have the man freak out?

I have been doing a bit of reading about this and apparently it is normal for men to get scared when faced with even the possibility (let alone reality) of being a father. I found a website which gave a 'Top Ten Fears' list.

1. Will I be a good father? my own husband is currently terrified of raising a juvenile delinquent or dropping the baby

2. Can I Financially Support The Family?

3. Can I Handle Her Emotional Changes?

4. Am I The Real Father? (yes apparently even for a fleeting second all men ponder this...I'm not so sure)

5. What If I Die Too Young?

6. Will My Wife & Baby Survive?

7. Will She Love The Baby More Than Me?

8. How Can I Help During The Pregnancy If I don’t understand “Women’s” Problems?

9. Will I Do A Good Job At The Birth?

10. But I Don’t Even Like Children, So How Can I Cope With This? (a lot of men don't like any children other than their own)


Now there needs to be something for the women....as in "how do we deal with our husbands freaking out when we are dealing with the 'could be pregnant' thing ourselves!"

Any thoughts/suggestions/opinions?

 

[livin4christ9203]

there is a book for expectant fathers.. and it is great.

What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding by the people who wrote what to expect when your expecting

There are many other books out there too.. you can search Expectant Fathers on Amazon under the books category. Also usually the hospital will have classes for expectant fathers and even for siblings.

 

[Emma!]

I think this is a great thread, i would love to hear from some who have maybe experienced this and come out the other end. I think my husband would be very scared if/when i get preg. i know he has been when we have had 'scares in the past. Im sure it will be better when we are TTC though.'

 

[InTheFlame]

Ummm... this may sound overly flippant... but the first time hubby and I were pregnant, we were a couple of months away from the agreed TTC date (I'm still trying to work out how on earth we managed to have sex while I was so sick, but anyway...). I knew he'd be happy in the longterm, but I knew he'd probably start by stressing about finances etc. Sooooo.... I gave him a 'Best Dad' teddybear AND a block of chocolate. I knew one or the other would put a smile on his face

I think it's important to have times where one person talks about their fears/concerns, and the other person offers comfort... and vice versa. And heck... a lot of men have trouble working out what comments like "I'll need you to be extra supportive for a few months!" really mean... it can scare the living daylights out of them. So it might help to talk about what TTC will involve (for him), what he'll need to do during pregnancy, etc. And stress that it's not so hard to learn how to look after a baby, that everyone has fears, and that babies are tougher than they look.

I suspect hubby's a lot more worried atm than he's letting on (I'm 6 wks pg)... he tends to avoid telling me about this sort of stuff because he's trying to be there for ME, and part of that (in his mind) is being tough so I don't worry about him. But I'm fairly sure he'll talk to someone else about it if he doesn't talk to me, and that's the main thing

 

[tigercub]

And stress that it's not so hard to learn how to look after a baby, that everyone has fears, and that babies are tougher than they look.

This is my current flavour of reassurence when it comes to discussing TTC with hubby Slowly getting there I think.

Hubby is freaking out a tad less now- which is great As we are still TTC and hopefully will be pg any day now

 

[InTheFlame]

This is my current flavour of reassurence when it comes to discussing TTC with hubby Slowly getting there I think.

Men can be funny that way. I guess women are often brought up with the assumption that they'll have kids and be fully capable of looking after them. Men.... tend to be brought up to think that babies are women's problem. Until they grow up and realise their wives want help!

Hubby is freaking out a tad less now- which is great As we are still TTC and hopefully will be pg any day now

I hope God blesses the two of you (that way) soon I didn't realise the two of you were TTC - although it clicked when I saw you posting in here

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I'm so excited for you TC - all the best; lots of sticky vibes!

With my hubby (we've been doing quite a lot of pre-ttc talk) his main concern is that I'm approaching this rather methodically. In his mind he sometimes feels that he's not enough for me anymore - that I need another 'project' to work on, now that we're married and whatnot.

Now, I realise that his feelings can be a bit irrational with my reasoning of 'I just want to know where we're headed in the next couple of years'; however to him those feelings were real, so we both needed to know how we could talk about things like TTC and the like, without him feeling like I had it all planned in my head, and that I'd gotten 'bored' with just the two of us (heck I'm having fun ).

Someone's fears may seem illogical to another party, but hopefully the other party has enough love and respect for the other person to be able to sit down and find out WHY they have these fears, and what can be done to alleviate them.

(and can I say that I'm just really REALLY excited for you guys again!)

Sasch

 

[lin1235]

I can highly recommend the "What to expect when your wife is expanding" book but must say it's NOT written by the people who wrote what to expect when you're expecting. It's very funny and my husband enjoyed it tremendously, but written very light-hearted and not with the same scientific basis as the one for us!

 

[lin1235]

BTW Sasch, are you guys going to be TTC soonish or rather later? I'm just curious!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

A little bit sooner than later - it all depends on how quickly we can pay off our new car. We want that out of the way before TTC.

Still a little up in the air - the time frame is 'somewhere in the next two years'... but it's looking a lot sooner than that atm...

Sasch

 

[lin1235]

Great! I also got pregnant a little sooner than originally planned but we couldn't be happier. Let me know when to start praying!

 

[Linda44]

hubby was really good when we talk about TTC. He is so excited again!!!! He always gets baby fever when we are either pg or TTC. He's so funny :0 But with our first pregnancy, he was nervous. but number 2 he was just as excited but more expierianced and prepared. cant wait to see what number 3 is gonna be like. He turns into a little kid, he is the first to want to decorate the nursery. He's my go-to guy. lol

 

[tigercub]

I'm so excited for you TC - all the best; lots of sticky vibes!

Thanks

We watched the movie '9 Months' the other day...am still not sure how it affected him

Sort of wishing I hadn't let it slip to my mother that we were TTC; now someone other than hubby and myself has 'expectations' hmm...pressure


I have just realised that anyone who has been in our apartment in the last couple of months must now know we are either TTC or pregnant (are the former of course) because I left my jar of Blackmore's pre-pregnancy/pregnancy/breastfeeding Formula in the kitchen argh.

 

[lin1235]

Well we got pregnant without TTC (condoms, it turns out, have expiry dates) but we decided LONG ago that when we do TTC we won't tell anyone. Mostly because it may take a while to fall pregnant and it's hard enough to deal with that without having the constant questions!

Hope you have good news soon tc!

 

[Emma!]

Well we got pregnant without TTC (condoms, it turns out, have expiry dates)

are you serious....hmmm :o i better go check the draw....i wouldnt have a clue how old they are, we just buy a selection and throw them all in a box in the draw... who knows which ones are new and which ones old.... (we are not TTC yet, as you may have guessed)... thanks for that info!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh yeah - they definitely do! Also check the environment they've been in - I wouldn't use any that had been exposed to very warm temperatures or sunlight...

Sasch

 

[tigercub]

I really hope this isn't a long road for us....I have been reading on other forums and stuff stories of women who have spent years TTC...eeek!