Men Answer ONLY!

[Leanna]

Okay, I have to take issue with this one. You're not allowing a lot of room for error there. Unless you're thinking of marrying a woman who is already 150+ lb. you're placing a very unrealistic expectation on someone. Hubby here agrees, there's a lot of shallow and thoughtless men around everywhere. Not saying all of you here are, I've also seen some very loving and selfless replies here.

I'm almost 37, I will not have the body of a 20 year old! It's just not going to be possible. That goes for men too, BTW.

I couldn't put a quantitative amount, but though a 37 year old will not have the body of a 20 year old that isn't saying much about general health. Someday I am going to be old and wrinkly.... and that's okay, so is my husband. And yes, I will probably gain some pounds with each pregnancy. However, if I take care of my body I am not going to gain tons.... just some. None the less, as firestar says

You meet your spouse at such and such a weight/size, and then you get married and they RADICALLY change so that they no longer resemble the person you first met and were attracted to. Will you still feel the same intensity of attraction? Some people say they will, others like me say they wouldn't. It's not worded as would being slightly overweight put you off from being attracted to a person and cause you unhappiness and lack of satisfaction if you then married them" Like I said in WD, my husband is thick and stocky. I think he's delicious looking and would eat him with a spoon if I could ! He was like this when I met him, I wasn't looking for a body builder type so it's not disapointing to me that he doesn't fall in that category now 12 years after meeting him... you know what I'm saying??"

Yup, I totally know what you are saying.

(umm and I think its funny that only women are answering this thread )

 

[HeatherJay]

I think most of the men are scared.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I did not read through all the replies, and did not vote, of course.

But I just wanted to say a few things.

I think that I would find my hubby less attractive if he just decided to be a hugely fat person, very obese. It would be unattractive, because I find self-control attractive, and caring /grooming youself attractive. If he just gained some weight as he aged, or something, that is not a big deal. He does not have to maintain a "movie star" weight.

Also, I have noticed that mostly only thin women seem to have their photos in here on CF. This bothers me. Lots of women are overweight, grey haired, wrinkly, or some other thing they deem unatractive, but CF, is not Hollywood, and I wish the women could feel comfortable posting their pics too.

Anyhow, my hubby seems to act just as attracted to me if I gain or lose weight (I am not talking obese here, just gaining and losing pregnancy weight excess.) I think the main thing is how you present yourself. If you think "I am the hottest girl on the planet" then it makes you look better to your mate. I see women who are plump, but dress nice and fix their hair nice, and smile, and that looks way way better than a woman who doesn't keep herself presentable.

I'm not thin, and I have pictures on here.

 

[daughterofzion]

I've been a bigger person since I was 12 years old (right after puberty). When my Husband and I met I was what a lot of people would consider "fat". Ive never had problems with men being attracted to me, and very good looking ones. Its good to know not all men are the same. I think health is important too, something I aspire more too and have let get out of control in my life. My hubby has a belly, and I love him just as much and he can give me butterflys just the same, but I want him to do sit ups! lol He doesnt seem anywhere near as concerned as I am, which sometimes makes me feel shallow consider im the one who really needs to lose weight. We live in a country that everywhere you look there is some half naked man or woman , on tv, or bilboard, magazines, tv, etc even talked about in music... At some point in time bigger women, were actually considered to me more attractive. I think people often conform to media, probably with out even knowing it. (- health banter aside -) Either way, what really matters is your own life, your spouse, and how both of you feel about each other, and can be in agreement about.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

this goes two ways.
I've packed on some weight. She still loves me.

 

[jad123]

Please men only, there is a poll for the women in the women's forum. I will be putting this in several forums, but please only vote once.

You may write comments if you like, but please be honest in the poll.

I find it very sad how many people answered yes. It goes to show our society these days. The love and attraction my wife and I share go way beyond the physical appearance of one another.

 

[AJD495]

ok, so i had a HUGE post ready for this topic, but i figured it would cause an even bigger debate...so i thought i would edit it. First of all i have noticed the same thing that Mrs. Enigma said about how not all of us post pics, and i'm one of them...i'm overweight, actually would be considered obese to a lot of doctors...i'm not proud of it,and i've struggled w/it for as long as i can remember and so has my family for many generations before me...i do go to the gym, but i do not follow it up w/the diet very well...i have to say i had to take a time period to cool off after first reading this subject, and my husband and i discussed it...he said he can understand if you married someone that just ballooned up and sat on the couch and went into a state of depression he would be concerned and suggest getting help...but i do have to say i think that it obviously depends on the person because when my husband met me and married me i was already in this catagory i've only gained a few more pounds than when we first met, and i'm working on losing it, cuz well for health reasons, self esteem, etc. my husband loves the size i am and actually has stated that he would not like me to lose a lot of weight, like if i weighed like 130 or something he wouldnt like that, which is normal or whatever for most of you i'm sure...but he is naturally attracted to larger women to begin with...so anyways, i know i'm rambling here, but i just wanted to add another dimesion to this that some men are naturally attracted to larger or curvy women, so what is unacceptable for one man might be perfect for another.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I voted yes. I hold myself to the same standards of keeping healthy and in shape, for many reasons, and I would expect the girl I marry to be able to keep up, unless outside circumstances made it impossible to do so. It also depends, however, on how she gains the weight. If she gains it all over and is still just as proportionate as she used to be, then my threshold could go a lot higher than if she gained in only one area. I like women of different sizes, for the most part, and I actually prefer more curves. The hollywood scrawny chick who is not soft to the touch, is not my cup of tea.

 

[Asherz]

Gaining more than twenty percent of her weight on our wedding day would be considered way too much by me.

I take issue with this too. I want to give you a little perspective. I am right at the ideal weight for my height, age, and build. I am also in the military so I have to stay within a specific weight range. If I were to gain 20% of my body weight, I would still have 17 pounds of wiggle room before someone said, hey Asherz, you have six months to lose that weight, so you'd better get crackin'.

Now, to speak for my husband.... I think he would still find me attractive if I gained the typical baby weight, and the weight that naturally comes with age. He recently commented that my mom looks good for her age. She is about 20-25 pounds overweight and has had four kids! And, no, he wasn't kissing up either... he doesn't doesn't really care for my mom.

 

[Stan53]

No matter how large or small mine may be she is still drop dead gorgeous. Most people will add to the physical stature when they are contented and in the case of the ladies they also have a tendancy to gain a few pounds/kilo's after having a baby.
If you want your wife to remain static in her physical size then you best not have a happy marriage or children.

 

[MaraPetra]

You know, reading this has been shocking.

One of my fondest memories of my husband comes from right after we had started seriously dating. I'd gone to watch him and his son compete in a Tae kwando tournament. During the sparring matches, it was awe-inspiring to see such a tall man (he's 6'3") move with such grace and deadly efficiency. Each move is precise, every nuance speaking of tightly disciplined strength.

He was, in short, a beautiful male specimen.

He was also a long-distance cyclist since his teens, so his body was well-conditioned and very toned. We would do bike-riding excursions together. There was no belly fat folding over his belt, no double-chin...Just a very beautiful man.

Six months after we married, he shattered his kneecap. It was heart-breaking to hear his knee creak and pop every time he tried to move it. Within months, his knee degenerated enough that he was reduced to using a cane to walk...Then, it got so bad that he had to start using a wheelchair.

During this time, even though he was trying to watch what he ate, his weight soared. By the time he had surgery on his knee, he'd gained over 100 lbs.

I didn't love this man any less for having gained weight. I didn't demand that he lose it, nor did I feel any less attraction to him. In my eyes, he was still beautiful. When I was taking care of him after his surgery, when he couldn't move much for over three weeks, I still loved him and was strongly attracted to him.

Most of his weight settled on his abdomen and face, but this didn't negate the fact that love and attraction were still there.

Today, he's only just starting to get to a point where his knee functions very well. I don't care if he loses the weight, or if he keeps it on. I wouldn't care if he gained more weight. This is still my husband we're talking about here...No amount of weight he gains, or loses, changes that fact. If I have to shove his belly fat out of the way to sit on his lap...Well, so what? He still gives me butterflies in my tummy, and I still want to be with him in every way that it is possible for a woman to be with her husband.

So, reading the replies here, I have to say I don't comprehend how a person can swear to love, honor and cherish their spouse, then turn around and gripe about how the spouse put on weight...Then put some truly unreasonable expectations on the spouse for weight management. What a horrible way for that poor spouse to live! Trust me, he/she knows there's a weight problem without you telling him/her that they just don't attract you anymore. You're not doing your spouse a favor or giving them impetus to lose the weight...You're basically attacking self-worth.

To love is a choice. If you choose to view obesity/weight gain as an illness or genetically predisposed condition, then it would fall under the vow "in sickness and in health". If you choose to view it as "slovenliness" or "lack of self-control" or "letting one's self go"...Where is the love you swore?

I thought the unconditional love between spouses was just that...Unconditional.

 

[forgotten_memory]

Reading through this entire thread sure makes me want to vomit and I'm only a size 12.

 

[HeatherJay]

You know, reading this has been shocking.

One of my fondest memories of my husband comes from right after we had started seriously dating. I'd gone to watch him and his son compete in a Tae kwando tournament. During the sparring matches, it was awe-inspiring to see such a tall man (he's 6'3") move with such grace and deadly efficiency. Each move is precise, every nuance speaking of tightly disciplined strength.

He was, in short, a beautiful male specimen.

He was also a long-distance cyclist since his teens, so his body was well-conditioned and very toned. We would do bike-riding excursions together. There was no belly fat folding over his belt, no double-chin...Just a very beautiful man.

Six months after we married, he shattered his kneecap. It was heart-breaking to hear his knee creak and pop every time he tried to move it. Within months, his knee degenerated enough that he was reduced to using a cane to walk...Then, it got so bad that he had to start using a wheelchair.

During this time, even though he was trying to watch what he ate, his weight soared. By the time he had surgery on his knee, he'd gained over 100 lbs.

I didn't love this man any less for having gained weight. I didn't demand that he lose it, nor did I feel any less attraction to him. In my eyes, he was still beautiful. When I was taking care of him after his surgery, when he couldn't move much for over three weeks, I still loved him and was strongly attracted to him.

Most of his weight settled on his abdomen and face, but this didn't negate the fact that love and attraction were still there.

Today, he's only just starting to get to a point where his knee functions very well. I don't care if he loses the weight, or if he keeps it on. I wouldn't care if he gained more weight. This is still my husband we're talking about here...No amount of weight he gains, or loses, changes that fact. If I have to shove his belly fat out of the way to sit on his lap...Well, so what? He still gives me butterflies in my tummy, and I still want to be with him in every way that it is possible for a woman to be with her husband.

So, reading the replies here, I have to say I don't comprehend how a person can swear to love, honor and cherish their spouse, then turn around and gripe about how the spouse put on weight...Then put some truly unreasonable expectations on the spouse for weight management. What a horrible way for that poor spouse to live! Trust me, he/she knows there's a weight problem without you telling him/her that they just don't attract you anymore. You're not doing your spouse a favor or giving them impetus to lose the weight...You're basically attacking self-worth.

To love is a choice. If you choose to view obesity/weight gain as an illness or genetically predisposed condition, then it would fall under the vow "in sickness and in health". If you choose to view it as "slovenliness" or "lack of self-control" or "letting one's self go"...Where is the love you swore?

I thought the unconditional love between spouses was just that...Unconditional.

In defense of the thread and the responses, no one here said anything about loving a spouse less, did they (maybe they did and I missed it)? The question was one of physical attraction. God bless you and your husband...what a struggle to go through.

 

[YellowSapphire]

I won't vote for my husband, but I will share our personal story with this. When me and my husband started dating, we were both underweight, my husband very much so. He always said to me in the first three months how unattractive he found fat girls and how he didn't want me to gain any weight. Well, over the 5 years we've been together, I've gained 60lbs (I only needed to gain 10) and he's gained about 30lbs. Mr. I Hate Fat Girls hasn't *noticed* my gain. He does not believe me when I tell him how much I weigh and claims our scale is broken... lol. I have noticed and it has affected how I feel about myself, which is why I work out every day and have cut meat/eggs/refined sugars out of my diet. But my husband is chasing me around the house like I'm still thin! I think my husband is sexy as hell, too, and I like his weight gain.

So my point is... no matter what the philosophy a man has now... love can be blind.

The only comments we get are from our parents. My morbidly obese mother sticks her thumb into her mouth and blows to mock how my body had blown up. His obese mother tells him he is getting fat. I want to pummel both.

 

[Oblivious]

funny how i just posted about this turning into a debate, and then I start debating =)

Hey, that's my line!

Anyway...

I would think I'd be less attractive to me husband if I gained some poundage (which "ain't" happening as long as I have something to do with it ). Anyway, I would think deep down most people would prefer lean vs. fat.

 

[NiteClerk]

I would still Love her just as much. But yes, she would be physically less "hot" to me. Mentally and emotionally it wouldn't change.

 

[J0hnSm1th]

So, reading the replies here, I have to say I don't comprehend how a person can swear to love, honor and cherish their spouse, then turn around and gripe about how the spouse put on weight...To love is a choice. ...I thought the unconditional love between spouses was just that...Unconditional.

The original post didnt say "love" it said "hot". Many people (me included) see these as two separate things.

I see a great looking woman walk by. I think she's hot. But i dont love her (i dont even know her). If my wife gained 50 pounds i would still love her. But she would not be "hot" in my eyes.

Physical/sexual attraction is just that - an automated response which has little to do with will or intellect. Some people are lucky in that the attractiveness of their spouse is directly linked to their love for them. For me the two are largely separate.

 

[Torah]

Men Answer ONLY!
If your wife/partner gained a lot of weight, would that make her less HOT to you?

LOL! Looks like the women have more to say about this subject “for men only” then what men do.LOL

 

[JimfromOhio]

Men Answer ONLY!
If your wife/partner gained a lot of weight, would that make her less HOT to you?

LOL! Looks like the women have more to say about this subject “for men only” then what men do.LOL

I noticed that too.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well. I gained a lot of weight and she's still with me.